Blair Mason The Diary of Blair

Life... What a Cunt

2007-09-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Life is back to "normal". I am single again and I have to say I am not loving it. I ended a budding relationship that started two weeks ago and yet I still feel empty. I think I let myself get accustom to having someone there all the time and someone I was accountable to. Now that I have me, myself and I to sit with all day, it is kind of boring to say the least.
I do have a ton to look forward to, however. I am consulting with the web designer today about my website. We are working on it tonight. I just got my photos back from the photographer. I can start working like I have wanted to. I am filming for a website in a couple weeks or so. I have a big production set for next month. I am starting a new job. You are all going to see some big changes taking place in the blog and also in me.
Be excited. Be very excited.

Varla, you so fun, guuurl!

2007-09-04T22:09:00.000-07:00

Ok, so Trent got me hooked on what seems to me a neo- To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything!. Though the story lines are a bit... well drastically incomparable, the feel of the movie still reminds me of To Wong Foo, without the dramatic tear jerking moments. My favorite scene from this movie will go down in history as my favorite drag queen scene of all time! Enjoy

Ch-ch-ch-changes

2007-09-03T18:13:00.000-07:00

Hello, peeps! So, as most of you already know, I have a new boy in my life. By boy, I mean man. He is quite a bit older than I am and I don't know, yet, how the age difference will play a role in the relationship. By relationship I mean that thing that is kind of just beginning but is so new that it can't possibly constitute as anything. I have always been one to rush new relationships and I am really trying to just take it easy and see where things lead. This confuses me because I don't know if these "things" are "leading" themselves too fast or it is me. I don't know. Frankly, I don't care either. Life is about adventure and excitement. Life is just as much about making mistakes as it is making amazing moves. It is all a gamble. You never know if a risky move will make or break your life. The chance that it could even effect you is part of the allure of taking risks.
I don't know about any of you, but I like to take chances. I take chances with the friends I choose, the jobs I take on, the adventures I go on and the things I buy into. So far I have written a very interesting and intriguing life story. I will continue to do so whether or not everything goes down in shambles or rises up to the height of greatness.
The height of arrogance is the potential depth of destruction. To be humble yet confident in one's self provides endless possibility to take reasonable risks with minimal damage. Relationships are the same way. Being arrogant enough to think that you are enough for one person's satisfaction is going to leave a potentially fatal door open. To take it easy and allow yourself to prove yourself to another person and vise versa is smart and noble.
I think taking things slow is smart. I also, however, like to take risks. Which path do I take? As far as logic is concerned, being safe could be better than being sorry. As far as artistic views of life are concerned, being safe doesn't necessarily guarantee lack of regret. Now I have to figure out what kind of a person I am. Am I one who relies solely upon logic and safety, leaving out any possibility for curves and adventure? Or am I one who wants to treat life as a book and make it the most interesting story ever told? I think.. ER... I know that I am the latter person. I am about to embark on a great adventure. I am taking you along on the whole way. Keep your fingers crossed and your seat belts fastened. It is going to be a roller coaster.

Crazy Week.

2007-09-02T12:28:00.000-07:00

This week has been, by any interpretation of the word, crazy. It all started on Monday. Just like any week. My buddy, Jeremy Hall called me and said he was going to be in town for a couple days. I went up to the strip and we hung out, went to dinner and had a good time. It was good to see him before he went clear across on the other side of the country.

So, I came home Tuesday and got a call from CVS Pharmacy. They wanted to call me in for an interview on Wednesday. So, I was really excited about that because then I would have proof of income and I could get my car loan!
So, Wednesday rolls around, I go to the interview. It went great. I got on the bus and headed to the gym. I spent a couple hours working out and came home. The bus line in Las Vegas is so slow. So, going to the gym takes a few hours out of my day. Anyway, I came home as soon as I walked in my room I got a text message from this guy.
I talked to this guy for about a week and he seemed nice enough, so we went on a date on Wednesday night. We went to Starbucks and got some coffee. He was really interesting.
Basically I have seen him everyday since then. We have gone out to dinner, lunch, the gym, and around town. He is so nice.
to be perfectly honest I felt bad about leading him on only to disappoint him by telling him "By the way... I am a porn kid." So, I didn't lead him on and told him right away. At first he told me he couldn't ever be with someone who did that. After a couple days and thinking that that was the final answer I was really broken up. I love my job and I don't think I want to give it up so early in the game. I told him last night that I was having this battle in my mind. We got it all cleared up and basically, he said that we aren't going to let a petty little thing like my career choice extinguish the possibility of making this work.
So, I don't know why I told all of you about this.I guess it is because I really have nobody else to talk to at the moment. The present situation is kind of complicated and tangled up. If I say one thing to a certain person, it will bring up a conversation that I really don't want to face right now. Maybe it won't be as bad as I am thinking it will be.
Anyway... that is why I have been absent from my blog for a few days. I hope you forgive me... until then, muah!

Inferma

2007-08-29T21:05:00.000-07:00

Michael Moore is probably the most controversial documentary producer of this day. His new film, Sicko is now out and loud. It documents the flaws and villains of the health care industry. If you watch the film, you can really feel the pain of the people telling their HMO horror stories. It is all very profound and heart wrenching, yes, but the gravity of America's destitute doesn't hit you until you witness something first hand.
Today I took the bus to the gym. At the bus stop I saw a security car pull up to the bus stop. I saw a crying woman put one leg out of the car, pause, and with a shriek of pain she lobbed the other one out of the car. She nudged herself out of the car, doubled over, sobbing. She couldn't walk. Her arm was in a sling. She was wearing a hospital gown and hospital bracelets. She couldn't pay her bill and the hospital kicked her to the curb. Literally. She was delirious and didn't know where she was. She kept asking for a cab, but apparently the hospital was too cheap to pay for one. She wouldn't have gotten home if it wasn't for this wonderful nurse that works at the hospital. She nursed her on the bus and guided her home.
I was so disturbed. Sure, it was sad to see someone who was obviously in need of serious medical attention thrown out like garbage to the curb, but what was more disturbing was that I myself do not have health insurance. If I, God forbid, got in a car crash I would be out of work and I wouldn't be able to pay the hospital bill and I would be thrown to the curb, too. This makes me kind of scared to tell you the truth. I don't want to offend anyone when I say this: but I hate America. I love the America of yesterday. The America that I love takes care of its citizens in time of need. The America I love saves you when you can't save yourself. The America of today doesn't care about its citizens lives, freedoms, nor their pursuit of happiness. The America of today is run by a tyrant government. I wish people would wake up and start a revolution. when will we say enough is enough and stand up for ourselves as human beings? When are we going to turn off the god damned TV and start learning what is going on without the help of lobbying mainstream media? If you don't care about your rights as a human being, then maybe you should care for the rights of those you love. How would you feel if you mother died because of a hospital bill? How would you feel if the IRS repossessioned all of your things because you made a mistake in your tax report? How would you feel if you knew that your children were being brainwashed in the public school system so that they came out prepared to be a drone of the tyrant government? Well, I am quite positive you would be upset. If you didn't you are not human.
I don't mean to throw anyone off guard to make anyone upset... I just want to tell you that I am upset. I am upset and I am sick of people to talking about the fucking elephant in the middle of the room.

Vic B: Jealous Housewife?

2007-08-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

I think that anytime "sexy" and "stalker" are put in the same sentence next to each other, the sentence is probably a jealous wife. A jealous wife like, say, perhaps Vic B. It was reported by a British tabloid that a sultry girl evaded through security and made it up to David Beckham's hotel room in the King Edward Hotel in Toronto. Sources reported that the girl was clearly delirious. It is funny that, while most sources said that the girl was clearly a scary stalker type person the source that is closest to Beckham said that the entire story is not true. I am speculating that the "sources" were probably some of the LA Galaxy teammates. You always protect your buddies when they are caught up in scandal or potential scandal. I would like to know this girl even knew what room they were staying in. Maybe she followed them. Have you ever seen a group of guys being followed by a sexy woman, alone? My prediction is that if a group of guys was being followed by a sexy chick, they would probably notice and say hi, or maybe even invite her back to the room for some drinks. That's just my opinion.
I wish I could hire an extra body guard every time I have encounters with strange people. I can't count the number of times I have been scared out of my wits because some old nasty wants to get a piece. Say for instance today. I just found out recently that one of my roommates is an ex porn star. I would say I would keep his identity to myself, but after what I am about to tell you, I am reconsidering being noble. I went out for a walk. He asked me where I was going. I told him, "I'm bored so I am going to go up to the store and burn off some energy." "Bored?", he says,"Well...I have something you can do." I am sure you can all guess what he proposed next. "We can have sex." He was dead serious. I told him no. He begged, "Why not?". Well, that was enough to make me nervous. It isn't like I haven't been approached to have sex by strange guys, but this is my roommate. He is kind of off his rocker a bit. I'm not sure of what he is capable of. Kind of pausing in a subtle sense.
Whether the allegations are factual or fictitious, Vic B isn't taking any chances. She has hired extra bodyguards to keep her hubby safe from the awful competition. This woman is really on a mission. She is damn protective. Remember this clip from when she was hiring a PA?

I can't say that being protective is such an awful trait to have, but like any good thing, you can over execute.

Rocking Beethoven?

2007-08-27T23:34:00.000-07:00

Ok.. so I am really eclectic. I have always loved all types of music, but never really pursued certain kinds because of the grand associative punch that comes with some genres. One of those in particularly happens to be classical music. I was bored the other day and this was my inner dialogue:

"Let's download some classical music! No! Prudes listen to Bach and Beethoven and Mozart. You are a non conventionalist. You cannot listen. Wait! This world is full of non conventionality. Part of that is doing what isn't expected from you. But people like you aren't allowed to listen to classical music. People like me? I am a human being..."

Now you know why people call me crazy. They call me crazy because sometimes my inner dialogue comes out in the open. Yes, perhaps I am a bit off kilter. I think listening to classical music on my own without having to do homework on it was sort of like chopping off some of the neuronets in my brain that really keep me captive and only allow me to go so far in life. I think you all know what I am saying. Have you ever wanted to paint but thought that it isn't your place to be painting; maybe to just leave that to people who do that sort of thing. Maybe I am crazy but sometimes I feel like the choir boy who is tied up in this world of sex, money, and drama. Then other times I feel the complete opposite. I sometimes feel like I am the heathen child that escaped from the world of sex, money, and immorality and into the real world of grocery stores, post offices, hourly jobs, bus stops, and living rooms where The View, CNN and Oprah fill the atmosphere religiously. Well, I think there are more non conventionalists in this generation than in any other. Maybe I am wrong but doesn't it seem as thought you see self expression ramp id in shopping malls as well as grocery stores. Does anyone else notice the ironic society that is becoming America? I don't know. There are still the stereotypes. I, on the other hand, see no need or obligation to conformitive thinking or expression. Today I had a long talk with one of my close friends. He made me think and pull back inside myself and really examine the particles of which compile my day to day motivations and urges. Th particles, I found, weren't like anything I had ever seen before. I saw them not as pre-determined or destined, but free and blank. They were just waiting for me to tell them what to do. I found out that I could change their coarse, direction, form, size, quantity and anything else. These particles were my emotions.
Something interesting about emotions is this: they are chemical. They are just as influential, if not more in most cases, as alcohol and drugs. The cells in your body have loading docks built into them so they can receive these chemicals. Just like your body soaks up drugs and alcohol into every cell, so it does your emotions as well. Just as you can get addicted to certain chemical compounds found in drugs, so you can also get addicted to emotions. I realized today as I was examining my emotions, quite harshly I might add, that I was addicted to a certain emotion or cocktail of emotions. I call this deadly concoction The Roller Coaster. I realized today that I look for any and every opportunity to drag my own face in the dirt and then find something to bring me back up into euphoria. If the roller coaster stops, I feel nervous and itching. This has been a problem and was becoming worse as days went on. I decided today that I am going to get detoxify my toxic mind and come out on the other side with a cleaner, fresher perspective. Isn't it funny how life unfolds sometimes?
Anyway... before I went on a rant I was going to show you guys and girls my new favorite song. It is classical. It is amazing.

Hostel II Review

2007-08-26T00:16:00.000-07:00

I love me some Eli Roth and I love me some Quentin Tarantino. If it wasn't for the fact that he's so damn gumpy I would have his babies. His last film was amazing. I can't remember if Grinhouse came out before or after Hostel II, but both were amazing. Today I watched both Hostel and the sequel. Both produced and directed by Eli thought I think Q co-directed. I'm not positive. I must say that the first film didn't carry that Quentinessence as much as the second film did. I am not even sure how much he input into this film. Though now that I think about it, it is kind of funny that he sneaked in Pulp Fiction in the background. I didn't even realize that until just this moment. At any rate, I loved Hostel two because Quentin's style really showed through more. I mean, you had the strange contrast of emotion, the creepy ironies, and the sick and twisted humor. The thing about it is that I never even expected the ending, which is what I have come to love about this guy's work. You can never even fathom a Tarantino ending until it bites a chunk right out of your ass, which by this time is hanging off the end of your seat.
If you have not seen the ending I won't ruin it for you. Wait. That's not my nature. If you haven't see the movie, then shame on you deserve to be spoiled. Here is what happens. Girl finds herself the victim to monsters who want to torture her and kill her. She happens to have a client who is walking the fence about his decision to get caught up in such a twisted secret club. He goes back and forth between not wanting to take part in the slashing to treating this girl the way he would want to treat his evil unappreciative wife back home. She toys with his mind until he releases her, puts her on the floor and just about as he goes to take advantage of her, she head bangs him right in the face. She busts out the surveillance camera and ties him to the chair. She ask for the code to the keypad lock on the metal door. She asks him again and when he doesn't answer she shoves a needle in his ear. She puts in something which appears to be false. "It didn't work!" she says. "The door is opening". And with that men barge in and she, pouncing down from a ladder behind them that she so cleverly had time to climb and plan a sneak ambush, nails the man in the head with a brick or something. She screams "Sasha!". The leader of this pain palace comes marching in to find himself in a room with a girl pointing a gun at his face with her other hand holding a pair of scissors to her client's penis surrounded by guards with handguns. "I want to buy myself out of here" she says. They argue for a moment about where she will get the money and if she could even afford it. Then they finally agree, however with a slight twist. Nobody can leave this place unless they kill someone. Those are the terms of these contracts between the clients and the house of pain. She snips of her once to be killer's genitals and rips it off. "Let him bleed to death". She stomps out of the room and the next frame you see her getting the secret club's emblem tattooed on her back. How scandalous!! I know there must be a sequel, otherwise I will be pissed beyond all belief.
If you want to see this favorite scene of mine, click here. It is something you will surely appreciate.
I found it on youtube also. It has some stupid text at the beginning, sorry. But if you are impatient, here you go...

Did you think I would leave you hanging like that for real? Aw, how cute! I also tracked down some interviews and reviews and what not. As Missywould say:ENJOY!!!

WEll! I guess there goes my hopes for a trilogy. Damn you Roth!!

Finally! A Real Politition.

2007-08-23T17:47:00.000-07:00

Ok. So I normally don't trust any politician, especially a republican. Every time I have myself against a wall some special person stands out among the heathens and convinces me that it is ok to walk away from my wall, if only with them. That person is Ron Paul. I have not studied up on many other politicians running for presidency in 2008, mainly because they are all faker than margarine. You can buy cheap sticks of pre-measured margarine at any store. Sure, they all have slight differences. Maybe some even taste better than the others, but they are still fake and they all mimic the real thing: butter. Dr. Paul is homemade butter. His passion is remarkably churning compared to the stagnancy of Hilary Clinton. I could go on and on, but I feel a picture is worth a billion words. Here are some video clips of my new favorite guy in the whole world.

If you have not registered to vote for 2008, please don't let this once in a lifetime opportunity to pass us by. Ron Paul is the most genuine man I have ever seen in politics.

Please visit Ron Paul 2008 Dot Com
If you believe in this man as much as I do, get involved, spread the word, start the conversation.

Human Flaws

2007-08-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

We all get sick from time to time. The ironic thing is that we never expect to fall ill. I never ever get sick. I guess my body is just telling me that I have dis ease about something. My psychology is all screwed up right now. I need to get this taken care of. I have a philosophy about disease. If you break up the stems of the word you get dis ease. Which means a body, mind, and spirit which is not at ease with itself. One of those three elements cannot bear the whole burden of stress, so when your mind is overwhelmed, your body has to take some of the load. Think about it. When you feel immense pain, you don't care if someone hurt you in the past or that the teller at the bank was rude the day before, you just want to get rid of the pain at hand. I think that is our systems way of relieving some areas of the self when we are too stupid to realize we are damaging our balance. The same goes for the mind taking the workload off the body. I personally laugh hysterically when I feel sudden unexpected pain. When I hit my head or something bites me, I laugh. Endorphins are at the heart of this quirkiness. The mind produces endorphins to counteract the pain.
So, see when we fall sick it is most likely because there is an imbalance in our system. Luckily for me I already know where the imbalance is. It is in two places. One is my mind. It is all screwed up. I am worried about everything under the sun and it feels like time is running out. That is an issue that may have plausible concerns, but most likely can be fixed if I take some initiative and become more proactive. The other is my body. I have not been drinking any water and I have been going out running, literally, errands for three days. I am wearing myself out and I am not taking care of myself the way I need to. So now I see this pandemonium forming, this vicious cycle of balancing. My mind is stressed and it is causing my body to take the burden off my mind. My body is stressed and my mind is trying to take the burden off my body. The good thing about this is that when the mind take the burden something happens that is kind of a miracle of sorts. Endorphins are created to make one feel better. So,in this specific case, my body is taking the burden for my mind, and my mind is taking the burden off my body. So in all actuality my mind is taking the burden of itself. Maybe my theory is wrong, but it makes sense to me.

*photo via wayodd.com

Halloween Costumes!

2007-08-21T16:12:00.000-07:00

Halloween is my favorite time of year. I don't particularly love candy all that much, but it is the dressing up that gets me all worked up. It is the time of year when you can literally be anything you want to be. I have been racking my Brain trying to find a costume.I think I found the perfect website to helping me find a wicked cool costume. Last year I was Medusa. Now, this year since I have a hot body to show off I might go with something more sexy and boyish. But if I ever decided to go as a girl again I would definitely wear this...

This is the cutest costume I have ever seen in my life. It is innovative and fresh and my favorite: colorful. But, I do need a boy costume. I was looking through this site,costumecauldron.com and found the perfect costume.

Wouldn't that look funny with me walking around in Los Angeles on Halloween night in a giant alien costume? Haha. I think that is exactly what I am going to do. It will be nothing less than amazing.

If you are still looking for a Halloween costume, go to Costume Cauldron Dot Com and pick one out!

Photoshoot/ Website

2007-08-21T00:23:00.000-07:00

Today I had one thing and one thing only on my mind: photo shoot! Today the photographer came by and we took some pictures. Twink boy didn't leave and stayed the night again. His friend never came and got him last night, so twinky boy stayed with me until this morning. And by morning of course, I mean one o'clock in the afternoon. I never sleep in that fucking late. I have no clue why I did this morning. For heaven's sake that is really fucking late to sleep in!! Anywho, I woke up and got in the shower. After I took a shower, I told my friend to find a ride home because I had a ton to do today. So, his friend came and got him. I said goodbye and came back in and got to work!
I first straightened my hair. I think I need a haircut, I don't know. What do you think? I will put a poll up. Anyway, so I noticed that my hair is not working the way it needs to. I did that, cleaned up my room, and had some brunch.
The photographer called and said he was almost here, I gave him directions and he showed up. We set up in my bedroom, which to say the least was a bit cramped with my bed, nightstand, lights, photographer, his assistant and myself. But, we made it work. We had a lot of fun ad laughed pretty much the entire time.
I was kind of nervous because
A.)I had never done a photo shoot on my own off of a
porn set.
B.)I didn't know if the photographer had done xxx
photos before.
C.)I am a perfectionist and was nervous this
opportunity would be wasted because I couldn't be
or have everything just right.
Turns out I had nothing to be nervous about. I loved the photographer and his assistant. They were very nice and creative and open. They helped me pose. They helped me open up with every shot. The actual pictures turned out better than I could have hoped for. We got the candid style that I love and also the professional style that I have always admired. We took a ton of pictures. I felt like I was on America's Next Top Model...the XXX version. LOL

Now that the photo shoot is out of the way, I can get my site started. I am seriously about to burst from excitement. You all are going to love my new site. Fresh. Innovative. Sexy. Intriguing. Those are just some of the words I would use to describe my new site. You all are going to love it.
Well... it has been a long day. I love days like these where I can lay down and sleep feeling like I accomplished something. Goodnight!!

Why Do I...?

2007-08-19T10:08:00.000-07:00

As I promised, a tasty story for you all.

This morning I woke up with a twink in my bed. By twink I mean the kind that look not a day older than twelve. Well, this one looks maybe fourteen, I'll give him that much.
So this all started yesterday when my friend pointed out this kid's rentboy profile. The reason he did this was because I thought this kid lived in San Diego, but turns out he lives here in Las Vegas. My friend always makes it a point to prove me wrong always.
so, I emailed this boy...
"Hey, this is Blair. We met down at the Blue Moon Resort a while back. We also saw you at San Diego Pride. I had no idea you lived in Vegas! Call me sometime we should hang out. By the way this isn't a proposition. I am not hiring you as an escort so get that off your head.LOL"

A little while after I sent that he did call me and wanted to hang out that instant. I was taken back by his aggressiveness. I told him maybe we could wait and see. Then, without warning he calls me up at 3:40 this morning wanting to come spend the night. At first I said absolutely not. I don't know this kid very well, and to be quite honest I wasn't interested in him as much in a sexual way as I was in purely friendship.
so, at first my instincts told me no, but then I remembered something. A principle that I have left laying in the dust in the name of logic and reason. The principle that says "Life is a Book- Make it a best seller". I had always acted in life as if I was writing a book about it. Then I stopped. I stopped because life had become more interesting and complicated than I cared to deal with at the time. Now I think I need to return to my old ways of thinking and let things happen.
So, I gave him directions. He strolled up here and came up. He didn't stop talking. He talked himself to sleep. He made me laugh and see another side of life I forgot existed: careless joy. I forgot what it meant to just do things because it seemed fun. Logic would have told me not to let some guy come over and sleep in my bed that I barely knew. But the way I saw him determined to see me was flattering and astonishing. I think I can learn a thing or two from him on how to get what you want. He knew he was coming over here. He made it happen somehow. He got what he wanted. I hope I can start being that way with life and just getting the things I want. You don't get what you don't ask for, right? right.

Vic B. BM. Any correlation? I think so.

2007-08-18T17:12:00.000-07:00

Victoria Beckham might be the coolest fucking woman in the world. What isn't to love? She is beautiful, rich, famous and not to mention that glorious hunk of man attached to her arm, David Beckham, world famous soccer star. She is coming to America and she has a reality show to track every moment. I watched the first episode today and I felt like I was watching myself in a dress. What I mean by that is that Vic B and I share a few brain waves. That could just be me, but I get her bitchiness and find it quite hilarious. She is just misunderstood. Just like me. But in the end, it is all entertaining nonetheless.
Victoria Beckham Coming to America
Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

In Deep: An Update.

2007-08-17T22:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, friends and foes alike. This is the point in time in which I disclose my life and what is going on. I rarely do this, but I think I have a few things to talk about that may give some insight and 'spice' into this stagnant blog.
First things first: plans... conniving, scheming plans! Just kidding. My plans for starting my website are as follows: get pictures taken, give them to my web designer, get the site up and going before the summer is over. Hopefully next week this rock will start rolling and stop collecting moss.
Second:work. Tomorrow I have an interview for a real job at Walgreen's. I am not getting this job for money, though it will help to have a little extra cash in my pocket. The reason I am getting this job is because to be quite honest, I am bored. I need some human interaction. Also, I need to get a car and saving up just seems like a never ending road. I can get a car loan if I have proof of income. People who approve loans don't get the concept of freelance. So, I have to get a regular day job to pacify the little cunts in the loan department.
I think that is pretty much life right now. The parts that I think are interesting and impersonal enough to throw in here...lol. Loves yous!!!

Candid Shamra

2007-08-16T15:15:00.000-07:00

Ok. Still waiting on the exciting stuff to happen. In the meantime here is some candid nonsense to make you smile. Yippy ka yay!!!

This is a picture of my crazy ass hair. It is getting REALLY long and I am going to hold off o cutting it, because I am going to use it for Halloween. You will see... it will be fierce, child!!!

OMG!!! That video was so long ago... I can't believe what a freaking dork I was. Well... I haven't changed all that much... but I certainly don't dance like that anymore. EEK!! Please don't blackmail me!

Bored... For being a silly old sidekick™ it can take some pretty sexy pictures! Haha.

Bizzarro much?

2007-08-15T23:31:00.000-07:00

Once again my trite little habits take me down a rabbit hole I never expected nor intended to go down. I am talking about another documentary.
This one is called "Rabbits". It is quite literally what I imagine could be a dream I once had. The characters are all dressed in rabbit suits and they speak nothing but absolute randomness. My mind is quite literally randomness and the only way to tell one thought from another is by noting the different sorts of suits or facades they render themselves in. At least that was my feeble attempt at rationalizing this horrific nightmare of a film. I had only heard brief little murmurings of the man who created this film, David Lynch, apparently has a reputation for himself as being the man who makes awfully creative and crazy films. I am definitely going to watch the other films he has done and finish this one. But, fair warning, this is not your typical film. It is more like a painting by Dali pent up in walls of modern media form: video. It makes no sense and really provokes involuntary analysis of every little detail. From the green strange walls to the eery lighting. To the quite random applause from an unseen audience in no relevance or correlation to the even more random sentences that spew from these rabbit's mouths. Watch and see. You might find yourself turning into a psychoanalytical viewer... involuntarily of course.
Here is the link to the film. Click Here.

Ecstacy: Dangerous or Enlightening?

2007-08-14T20:37:00.000-07:00

I want to start off today with an apology for the lack of amusement in here. I promise, it is about to get exciting. Just wait and be patient!!

As you well know, I love watching documentaries. Las night I watched Ecstasy Rising. I had always wondered what exactly ecstasy was and its effects on the human mind. I had always wondered where and how it came to be.
I learned that ecstasy was the synthetic drug called methylenedioxymethamphetamine. It was first created by accident by German chemists working for the pharmaceutical company, Merck. Since they could find no usefulness for the chemical, they just left it alone.
A man by the name of Alexander Shulgin recovered the formula in a dusty old book and synthesized it after quitting his job at Dow Chemical to commit himself solely to the study of this new drug he called "window". He thought it would be very useful in psychotherapy. He introduced it to hundreds of therapists and at the time, this drug was not illegal. It soon leaked out of the psychiatric circles of the time and into the streets.
It spread throughout Dallas, Texas like wildfire. It didn't gain the worldwide popularity until the British rave parties spread over to the United States. With the spread of raves from coast to coast, ecstasy was unstoppable.
Some scientists thought that this had to be stopped. They formed a propaganda based on faulty experiments and lies. In turn, people learned not to trust their warnings. The majority of the scientific community has yet to find any harm in using reasonable amounts of ecstasy. That does not, however, lend one to believe that it is ok to abuse ecstasy carelessly. Scientists have no idea what the long term side effects of this drug are. when it comes to the point where people realize that there long term side effects to using MDMA, will anyone believe it? After all, the government does nothing but lie. That is very dangerous. When the boy cries wolf again and again and there is no wolf, who will believe when he cries wolf from inside the wolves mouth? Nobody!

What do you think? I have never taken this drug. I don't plan on it. But I know a lot of my friends who do. I personally believe that ecstasy should be legalized and only used in psychotherapy to reduce the risk of it and also use the benefits of it. Of course, I am not a scientist.

Bjork and Kelis. Together?

2007-08-13T19:37:00.000-07:00

Here is a peek at the unreleased remix of Oceania by Bjork Featuring Kelis. I absolutely love this. I hope they make an official video together soon.

Enjoy!!!

Iterview on Slut Debutane Diaries...

2007-08-12T19:50:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow night, go check out The Slut Debutane Diaries to read my very long, very in depth interview.

Blast from the Past

2007-08-11T20:54:00.000-07:00

I love music from the 90's. I love mostly the folk-pop music of the 90's. I was listening to my ipod today and found some great stuff from the days of yesteryear.
Here are some of them...

Natalie Merchant has got to be one of my favorite singers from the 90's. She is simple yet profound. I love this song because I could sing it to so may different people in my life. I am a super bitch sometimes and there are some who have stuck by me no matter what kind of hell I put them through. This song reminds me of that.

Another amazing simple song. Shawn Colvin reminds me of what I could imagine Natalie from The Dixie Chicks would sound like if she went solo.

Why can't people seem to get this music scene back on track? I remember hearing this song by Paul Cole and getting very emotional. It is just very sweet sounding. Another cool song from her, Where Have All The Cowboys Gone is worthy of showing. here it is.

God, does that bring back so many memories.

Who doesn't love Jewel? If she had just stuck to her roots she could still be bringing us the great folk-pop that we, if we admit, really miss these days. Sad.

So,anyway. That is what I have for you today. Sorry it is so bland!! I assure you I will be posting more exciting things soon.

Trydamakemeegotuhrehab I said NO!

2007-08-10T20:15:00.000-07:00

The now infamous lush anthem song,"Rehab" sung by Amy Winehouse seems to be now more than a catchy tune, but a very real and serious irony for Miss Winehouse. After an alleged drug overdose in London, Winhouse was rumored to be recovering in The Priory rehab clinic in London. However, these rumors were banished when news broke that she has locked herself i a London hotel room to recover from the overdose which took place at 1 am on Wednesday. She was treated with an adrenaline shot and had her stomach pumped. I seriously hope this girl gets the help she needs.

*image via: planetout.com*

Clearing up Past Issues...

2007-08-09T15:17:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago I went to San Diego to film for Shane's World. I am sure you all have heard all of the nasty things I had said about Caleb Carter. I just want to make it publicly known that the way I reacted wasn't the best. I recently had a chance to apologize to Caleb. I think we are on better terms now, which brings me to a sigh of relief.
The reason I bring this up is because I have learned so much from this. One: jumping on the bandwagon and ganging up on someone is only going to make you look like an idiot. Second: you never know the whole story even if you were there. Don't talk about a situation like you know every single tiny detail because the details will be revealed over time and you will wind up feeling like a dumb ass because you acted like you knew it all. Third: people are people. Bashing someone because of something unfortunate happening is kicking someone when they are already down. Fourth: life is too short. Have a heart and don't try to sabotage anyone. You will probably fail anyway.
I wish I had known all of this back when posting this would have been relevant.

*To Caleb Carter: thank you for being the bigger person and letting it go. I am not sure if I would have been man enough to do the same.

Eye Candy

2007-08-08T11:44:00.000-07:00

I posted these candid pictures on my myspace blog a couple months ago. But since those were censored, I thought you might appreciate the real thing. Here you go!

Merry Fucking Christmas!!!

I want to change the world!

2007-08-07T22:18:00.000-07:00

You know, sometimes in life an angel comes along and provokes hibernating inspirations that you gave up because of some reason or another. Tonight I came across one of those angels. Our new roommate is nothing less than an amazing person. He has been around the world, has gone to college, has experienced and learned so much. I want to go to school now. I knew there would come a time when I would feel the urge to get an education. I think it has finally come. Going to school in Michigan didn't really work out for me because I was not in the right frame of mind. I was still trying to learn survival first. I now realize that you don't look to education to become something, but rather to shape and cultivate what you already are. I know that I am a very smart human being. I was ever since I was a child. I would always get teasedfor getting A's, and gave up thinking I could fit in. I guess my mind is just now starting to come out of that silly phase. I want to go to school so badly, it almost hurts. So, now I have even more motivation to save up for a car, so that I can go to school. Don't worry! I will still keep up with my career, and will be even more motivated to put out amazing performances. I will just have to be very selective about my class schedule. YAY!!! I think this is what they call a Break Through.

The Power of Suggestion

2007-08-06T21:22:00.000-07:00

The ever flowing river of thought never ceases to play out its natural instinct. It never stops flowing no matter how hard you push against the current. Have you ever experienced the power of suggestion at a time when you were trying to hide you feelings? Maybe when you were upset and thought you were fine until someone comes and asks you if you are ok. Suddenly bursting into tears you realize that maybe you were suppressing some thoughts. Suppression is completely withstandable until someone introduces suggestion to you. Maybe you don't really notice how fucking gorgeous a co-worker is until someone starts talking about them in a sexual light. Then you can't seem to get your mind or eyes off that person. You probably would have never thought or looked at them that way. But, because someone used the power of suggestion on you, now you are hooked.
I realized that today. I think I may be suppressing some of my sexual energy. Why? Maybe my sexuality is so strong, I feel I need to suppress it to function. I am a very addictive personality. I get easily addicted to people, substance, experiences, and sex. This is where fetishes come from. Just like a pot head has a certain variety of weed that is their favorite, or an alcoholic has their favorite kind of poison, everyone has certain type of flavors, shapes, and colors of sex. Mine are a bit kinky to say the least, and I think that may be why I am so hesitant to unleash myself. I fear people wouldn't like the same things I like. Well, that is all over.

Power of suggestion is most powerful because it doesn't force any idea on anyone, it lets the mind take care of the convincing. Someone gave me some very good advice today about so many subjects. They only used one tool: the power of suggestion. Let me say I am changing very rapidly these days. I mean literally, I have changed my world view, my political view, my social view, my interpersonal view, my professional view and just about any other kind of view you can imagine in the past week or so. That feels, quite literally like breaking out of a cocoon. Maybe like mulching. Maybe it feels like I had brain surgery and all the junk was taken out, clearing my mind to function and think the way it is intended to.
The power of suggestion. Use it on your enemies. It is the best tool in the world in convincing people of something without actually trying to convince them, but letting them convince themselves. Just plant the seed, their mind will cultivate it.

Hammered at the pool...

2007-08-05T21:41:00.000-07:00

Today I acted like a true Las Vegas resident. I along with some friends went to the pool at Tropicana. It was fun. We first stopped at the grocery store and got some "juice". By juice I mean lush juice. By lush I mean me, by juice I mean vodka. It only took one little red party cup to set me straight for he whole blistering day. I am such a lightweight. Anyone who has ever seen me in person, do I look small? I don't know. I have lived in my body my whole life. My perception is a bit bias. Anyway, so I might be petite, maybe not. Either which way, I am a super lightweight. My friends know this. They also know that I am funny when I am drunk, and they always make my drinks extra strong. That is just cruel. Well, at first I love them, but right now I wish that my drink(1) was a tad bit weaker because I am spacing out and my head feels like a boulder. Yes a boulder. A boulder about to tumble down a hill. Oh God it hurts!!

That is the pool. As you can see there is no escape from the desert sun. Inevitably I got fried yet again. I haven't even gotten the chance to recover from being burnt in San Diego, and now I am a fried turkey again. Well, you won't be hearing me gobble. Except from the water faucet. Oh God! Me and the water faucet have some bonding to do. I will tell you some advice. Never get drunk and lay around under the sun all day and expect not to get dehydrated. What do you think I am? Yes, dehydrated. You win the $10 question, now go get me a fifth or rum! Just kidding. I want more vodka.
So, today was fun. I have to tell you guys!!! Two things. First: watch Good Morning America the next few days because Ben and Ethan are going to be on during National Underwear Day! Go to one or both of their blogs to get all the info. Brat Boy School and The Project BE are both o my blog list on the right hand side of the page.
The other thing is my site is finally in progress!! The reason I have been so happy the last few days is because I finally have some vision and focus about this thing. I will be giving you updates as time goes on. I am going to give you one hint about my idea every so often. If you can guess or even come close to what I have in mind, I will... I don't know... let you pick(within reason, people). First hint: half clothed.

Goodnight my little chitlins!!! BB Loves y'all!

The Boy Under The Mask...

2007-08-03T20:48:00.000-07:00

I have to confess something that will probably ruin my fanbase...

what you see usually is me with my mask on. Now, these following images might shock you if you thought I was human... but I believe i being open and honest.

Here is me without my make-up.... AAHHH!!!!

Scary... I know

Today I watched this video "Earth Intruders" by Bjork. It was crazy. I think I would fit into that video very nicely without my make-up! Haha.

I See The Light!

2007-08-03T16:27:00.000-07:00

We all go through slumps and get stuck in ruts. Well, I just came out of one. I do not know when it started exactly or what triggered it, but I can tell you it was not a pleasant time. Everyday I would get mad at the world and the people in my life for my unhappiness and things not going the way I think they should go. I am seriously feeling like a big jackass. If anyone ever said I was crazy, I guess yesterday would be pure evidence of it. I was paranoid and had conspiracy theories and called people names and had just a ton of hate inside of me. I feel like something just clicked in me today.
The other day I was talking with my friend in LA. Her and I always have deep conversations and she always has something I could try and open my mind a little more. I have been in a state of intoxication for the last two days. She told me that I should get drunk, run a super hot bath and sit there and don't move. Well, I did. I had crazy visions. One was that my guardian angel floated up, landed on the bathroom countertop(he was the size of a Borrower), ran into the medicine cabinet, curled up and hid inside. Then this beast came in the bathroom and scooped me up from the tub, threw me down the stairs, picked me back up and tossed me back into the bathtub. Then this blonde, gorgeous boy came and picked me up from the tub and loved me. He kissed me and loved me unconditionally. I am about to cry writing this... I know why I have been in a rut. I have nobody to love. My family isn't here, but more than that, I don't have a boy to love me. I want a man to love me the way a straight man would love his girl. I am weak. I am very weak and very vulnerable and I want, err, need someone to take care of me.
Anyway, today I broke away from the rut. As I told my girlfriend that lived in Los Angeles, art is my life. I need art to feel sane and happy and joyful. Today the most brilliant idea came to me for my website. I sketched it out, made detailed notes and I know exactly what I am going to do. I need to keep creating. I need to keep making art. That is what was lacking in my life. I am getting a cheap guitar whe I get paid and I am going to start making music again. It has been too long. Or someone who wants to make me happy would get me one. *wink wink*...lol
So, that is my life at this point: trying to stay busy and make a masterpiece of my life. Life is a book, and I am going to make it a best-seller.

You Don't Know Crazy...

2007-08-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

You don't know crazy unless you know the people from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. The church is run by Fred Phelps. He is old and doesn't have enough energy to spread "the message" out in the real world, so his daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper leads the pack of crazies on weekly pickets and the "spreading ofthe gospel". In all actuality, they never mention anything about Jesus Christ in any of their protests or the signs they hold. Some including, "Fags eat poop","God hates America","Princess Diana: Fag Enabler", and many more irrational and quite random messages that have nothing to do with scripture or anything of the sorts to do with God.
The first time I heard about this insanity was on the Tyra Show. The episode was about hate crimes against various groups, mainly the GLBT community. Shirley along with her daughters sat on Tyra's couch and blatantly yelled at her. She tried to ask them simple questions about their faith and beliefs, trying to understand them as any normal person would, and they almost burst into flames because the anger was so violent and outlandish. That scared me. It didn't scare me to see anger, but it scared me to see what the human mind is capable of molding into. Brainwashing, something I am far too familiar with, is what happened to these people.
Unfortunately I could not find the video for that show, but there are plenty more to give you an idea of what these people think like...

If you noticed, Julie Bandera tried to point out a verse of the Bible to Shirley, but Shirley was positive that she was trying to point out another verse. In case you couldn't understand the verse because of Shirley's barking, here it is...
Leviticus 19:18 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)

18Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.

That would have been a sure slap in the face to Shirley and her followers, however, as you have seen, she doesn't listen. She just keep barking and bellowing like a damn pig giving birth. That is all she is. She is a dam sow giving birth to a fowl smelling, evil, rotten, feces infested hate message that only comes from one source: fear. Her father has so much control and fear instilled into his children that they cannot escape. It is sad, but people can think for themselves. If you are able to be brainwashed, then you are weak. I used to be very weak. I was once brainwashed. Thank God that is over and done with. Let's move on though...

The verse Shirley was so adamant about pointing out was this:

Leviticus 19:17 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)

17Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

If "thou shalt not hate thy neighbor..." is a blatant sign to picket funerals and make awful signs, then apparently they have justification for their actions. However, I do not believe, nor do I think anyone with a side of logic in their heads, that to not hate means to yell and scream and make people upset.

Moving on. I found another interview that was still unsuccessful. This bitch has a problem with listening. I wonder if she has ever read this...

Ezekiel 22:28
Her prophets whitewash these deeds for them by false visions and lying divinations. They say, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says'-when the LORD has not spoken.

Here is the other video interview...

If she had, maybe she and her followers would have some sort of conviction for what they are doing. Granted, maybe homosexuality is frowned upon by many religious people today, but shouting and protesting is not the way to make us change our ways. What you resist persists. Mother Theresa never went to one protest in her life. She was a holy saint. Why is it she never fought against sin in the world? She knew that what you resist persists. The Westboro Baptist Church should really take a cue from her. Of course, it would go against their beliefs that along with Jews, Swedes, Princess Diana, Homosexuals, and Bill O'Reilley, Catholics are hell-bound sinners as well.

If you would like to watch a very good documentary on this cult as it is, ClickHere. I do not recommend watching it before going to bed. It is quite mind numbing and baffling. At any rate, it gives good insight and should be a well headed warning not to let yourself be brainwashed... ever.... by anyone.

Click Here to see Fred Phelps’s website

Email the bastard

I usually do not support retaliation, but please feel free to drop them a little note about how you feel. Someday I am going to Kansas with some of my friends and we are going to show them how the world appreciates their "love". But first, I have bigger fish to fry. Stay tuned.

Hmm...

2007-07-31T12:46:00.000-07:00

I have noticed somewhat of a lack of interest in this blog. I want to know your opinions and concerns. What do you want me to talk about? Do you have any questions for me? Would you like to see more or lessof aparticular thing? This is your chance to speak your mind. I really love all my readers and I want to keep you interested. Let me know exactly what would stir you spoon. Lol. Because spooning leads to forking. So I am told. Hehe. Post your comments, concerns, ideas, and anything elsein here.

Thanks

Luv, B

MUAHZIES!!!

Starbucks Raising Prices?

2007-07-30T21:28:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is true. I recently added a few fixtures to my blog, one being a newsroll. The video news of the day is this: Starbucks raising prices. They say that the reasons for the price hike is turmoil in the coffee industry and also the higher price on milk. Well, the one thing I always get at starbucks has nothing to do with coffe and/or milk. My fix? A venti iced soy chai. Chai is tea, and soy is non-dairy. So, I don't think it is fair. That little piece of heaven is four dollars as it is. But, the estimated nine cent hike won't make much of a difference I suppose since it is so expensive anyway. It is just not fair!!! Just kidding. I am not a lunie bin. Well, maybe a little.

Shut Up...

2007-07-29T23:01:00.000-07:00

Do you all remember the huge controversy over a little, 3 second remark made by The Dixie Chicks in 2003 while on tour in Europe? If you don't, let me refresh your memory. Natalie, the lead singer, made a comment in London on stage, on the eve of the war in Iraq, about the president. She said, “We are on the same side as you guys, we don't want this war... We are ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas." That small remark shot a sonic boom through the media in the U.K. and eventually snowballed its way over here to the States. The media covered it in such a bias and trite way. Radio stations banned their music, fans had mass burnings of their CDs, their sponsors pulled out of the tour. It was a horrible and unnecessary mess. The reason I am bringing this up is because I recently watched a documentary about life for the girls after the comment was made in London.
Click here to watch
I am not a huge fan of country music, but I have always loved The Dixie Chicks. They are genuine and make amazing music. Not to mention, their political beliefs run pretty close with my own. It makes me sad that their momentum as America's favorite girl band had to come to a grinding halt because they were not afraid to speak genuinely and without apology. Hmm... sounds like someone you know, right? You better fucking say right! Just kidding. ;)
So, anyway, there are some interviews that were not shown in the documentary, Shut Up and Sing, or happened after the it was finished. So I decided to scout them out and present them to you, because I know how much you appreciate your favorites blogger's hard work and dedication to your enlightenment and education. Jus kidding again. ;) Here they are...

Now look at where we are today as a nation. Bush haters are more prevalent today in America than fast food chains and drugged up celebrities, of whom a lot hate the president also. It is really ridiculous of how ignorant people, particularly Americans, are today. I have been thinking a lot about religion and politics and how the two are pretty much inseparable in the United States. In fact, this is a global plague. Do you remember Mitt Romney? He is a Mormon and he is running for presidency. Now, if reading that made you feel any emotion whatsoever, than maybe you shouldn't read on. For those of you who couldn't care less about what the president's religious beliefs are and see no problem with a Mormon being president, I feel the same way. Why the fuss?
Religion poisons everything. It breeds hate and confusion. Just like a dictatorship. Hitler used the same tactics to recruit his army as religion does. "Just have faith" they say. Well, this seems very irrational, being the fact that every religion on the face of the earth has said the same thing. It makes no sense why I should blindly follow someone just because they think I should.
The same logic would be applied in politics. You can be a half-wit ad believe everything Mr. President tells you. You can blindly follow him and support him just because he is the president. You can give up any intellect or self responsibility and defend a man who couldn't care less about you. You can be a sheep, or there is an alternative. Educate yourself and think. If you don't think you can think for yourself or that "political mumbo jumbo" is too much for your mushy brain to comprehend, well maybe I am not surprised by your lack of individuality and proneness to jump on the bandwagon. The right-wing bandwagon is getting old. The wood is corrupt and its nuts and bolts have been replaced with lies and reliance on the public's naivety. I never believed in jumping on bandwagons. I tried once, I didn't fit on. There is never enough room for me.
When are we going to stop hindering out human evolution? When are we all going to wake up and see the world as it truly is? I hope it is one day very soon, because I am starting to get a headache from all of the primitivity.

Just some updates...

2007-07-29T00:10:00.000-07:00

I am finally figuring things out. For the last few days I have been stressed right the fuck out because I was juggling possibilities with definities and dependants. That is very hard to do. I knew relative dates for things but didn't know for sure about the other things all the while, waiting for dates so I could schedule other things. I guess my wishes are coming to pass. I said from the beginning of my new professional life with my new manager that I wanted to get to the point where I had to keep a schedule because of how busy I would be. Well, I am playing balancing acts. Though it may me stressful and all, I really find a hidden blessing in it. I could be scrounging for work. I don't think that is going to happen any time soon. One can be overly optimistic, right? Of course I can.
So, tonight I refreshed my myspace page. I know, this is kind of silly to be talking about, but hey. I am really proud of how it looks and I think you will enjoy it also. Click here to see. Or go to myspace.com/blair_mason. You should add me if you haven't already. It is the only way to see my page as it is set to private.
Um.. I know this is a really boring blog post, but I had something amazing to post earlier. But... there is always a but... My horoscope said that today I would talk without thinking, that I would have the urge to say some very provocative things. It said that if I held off I would gain some very interesting insights. So... me being that starving-for-answers kind of new-agey that I am, I decided to try and learn from refraining my post. So far, I haven't learned a damned thing. If by noon tomorrow I haven't gained any "interesting insights" I will post what I originally wanted to. Otherwise, I will tell you what insight I gained. Either way, tomorrow's post will be much more exciting, I promise.
For those of you who stuck it out until this end of this bore-fest, check out my myspace(myspace.com/blair_mason) and stay tuned, because I am going to attempt to revamp the look of my blog yet again. I don't like things to stay the same for too long, I get bored. LOL... if this annoys you... tough titty said the kitty but the milk's still good. And so are the stale cheerios floating around in it. Think about that for a while, my li'l chillins!!!

The B! True Shittlewod Story

2007-07-28T17:56:00.000-07:00

Mommy"Shut it, Rims` ... Mommy cares about you... That is why I'm not going to tell you that Ms. Burburry down the street is a dealer... Because I love you... Now go have fun"
Rims"How far down the street was that?"
Mommy"I'm not going to tell you that it is 2 block, second house on the right... Because I love you... A loving mother doesn't say that the shutters are white and there's a Chiwawa in the front yard that looks like your father when he is constipated"
Rims"and which father am I not supposed to know the Chiwawa looks like?"
Rims"The drugged up one, or the fake one that I made up in my bouts of denial?"
Rims"I think I shall go for a walk in search of... ummm... a song... or something... while you work on dinner, ma. Be back ina few hours. By the way, do you have an extra straw I can borrow?"
Mommy"Hmm... The drugged up one honey... Now if you don't want to turn out like that, than I suggest you try and keep your mind off of your feening addiction... Go out on a nice night on the town with Harlot or Loony ... Those are nice girls, you can learn a lot from them. That ... Loony She can sing. Why don't you two practice voice lessons together?!"
Mommy"Oh honey... Here's a hundred dollar bill... It works better than a straw... you don't want anyone thinking ur a white trash honkey who uses silly ol' straws? I raised you better than that, you classy girl"
Rims"Nah... I'm going to go visit Rar Belly in prison... I promised him I would even though I'm not fourteen anymore.
Rims"Oh ma, that 100 bill isn't crisp anymore... can I have another?"
Mommy"Well... Maybe if you DID visit him when you were 14, mommy wouldn't have to settle for the outlet Pucci and she could go to Shitsons more than three lousy times a week"
Rims"Sorry bout that Ma... I was busy being exploited by my dead beat father
Mommy"Oh honey... you know where mommy keeps her stash... Here's the key, here's the map, here's the time machine, here's the silly putty, here's the butter knife....."
Rims"Hey, have you seen my bag full of $2,000,000 worth of jewelry... I think I left it at the airport and I can't find it
Rims"It's in an orange Fermes bag"
Mommy"Honey... If you can't learn to keep track of ur scrap metal... Shame... Luckily your mommy keeps track... Its in the safe"
Mommy"You have everything you need... Now get get it, mut!"
Rims"ummm... ALL of it?"
Rims"It better ALL be there when I come back from... my walk around the neighborhood"
Mommy"Oh you caught me... Here's the worn down toothbrush and bag of explosives... NOW you have everything... your so KEEN and observant, baby!"
Rims"Thanks Ma. Now I want some cigs"
Mommy"Honey... I'm not going to enable you anymore... I told you!!!! If I was an enabler, I would say there's a pack in my purse on the counter... But since I'm not, well your just going to have to learn to feed your soul rather than your addiction"

*The above story is based aroud fictitious characters*

Sigur Rós: my love affair

2007-07-27T16:54:00.000-07:00

I first fell in love with this band in high school. I used to watch The International Music Feed and be amazed at the nuance of creativity in the world. I used to watch it because MTV stopped playing music videos and the mainstream music at the time was so fucking boring. Anyway, oe day I watched the most inspiring music video of my life: Glósóli. The song literally means
glowing sun. The music video revolves around a picture of this drummer boy summoning the children in the land to find the sun. The song is a gradual epic climax to the point where these kids jump of the edge of a cliff and fly into the sun. It is beautiful and amazing.

Here is a little bio on the band.

Taken from Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia

Sigur Rós is an Icelandic post-rock band with melodic, classical and minimalist elements. The band is known for its ethereal sound and lead singer Jónsi’s falsetto.

Jón Þór (Jónsi) Birgisson, Georg Hólm and Ágúst Ævar Gunnarsson formed the group in Reykjavík in August 1994. Their name is taken from Jónsi's younger sister Sigurrós, who was born the same day as the band was. They soon won a record deal with the local Sugarcubes owned record label, Bad Taste. In 1997, they released Von (Hope) and in 1998 a remix collection named Von brigði. The name is Icelandic wordplay: Vonbrigði means "disappointment", but Von brigði means "hope alteration".

International acclaim came with 1999's Ágætis byrjun (An alright start) for which the band were joined by Kjartan Sveinsson. The album's reputation slowly spread by word of mouth over the next two years. Soon many critics worldwide hailed it as one of the best albums of its time and the band was playing with Radiohead and other big names. Three songs, Ágætis byrjun's title track, its first single "Svefn-g-englar", and a live take of the then-unreleased "Njósnavélin" (to become "Untitled #4") appeared in the Cameron Crowe film Vanilla Sky. The two songs also subsequently appeared in the television series Queer as Folk. Their music has also appeared in 24 (the TV series) with Ný batterí, CSI and CSI Miami. In 2004 Wes Anderson used "Starálfur" in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou as did the Emmy winning 2005 TV film The Girl in the Café and "Untitled 3" (a.k.a. Samskeyti) can be heard in the final scene from the Greg Araki film Mysterious Skin. They are also used in Enki Bilal's Immortel (Ad Vitam).

After the release of Ágætis byrjun, the band became perhaps most well known for Jónsi's signature style of playing guitar with the bow from a cello, accentuated with reverb, creating a sweeping, fluid sound that is unique for an electric guitar.

Drummer Ágúst left the band after the recording of Ágætis byrjun and was replaced by Orri Páll Dýrason. In 2002, their highly anticipated follow-up album was released. Upon release all tracks on the album were untitled, though the band later published song names on their website. Famously all of the lyrics on are sung in Vonlenska, also known as Hopelandic, a constructed language of nonsense syllables which resembles the sound of the Icelandic language. It has also been said that the listener is supposed to interpret their own meanings of the lyrics which can then be written in the blank pages in the album booklet.

In October of 2003, Sigur Rós joined Radiohead in composing music for Merce Cunningham's dance piece Split Sides; Sigur Rós’s three tracks were named Ba Ba Ti Ki Di Do and released in March of 2004. The band's 1997 debut album Von also finally found a U.S. and U.K. release in October of 2004.

Their latest album, Takk... (Thanks...), combines their second album's style with a more rockish, structured sound, and was released on September 13, 2005, with a legal download of their first single, "Glósóli", made available on August 15. For North American fans, "Sæglópur" was made available for download on August 16. "Hoppípolla", the second official single from Takk..., was released on November 28 alongside a new studio remake of "Hafsól", a song that was previously released on the band's 1997 debut, Von. "Hoppípolla" was used in the trailers for the BBC's natural history series Planet Earth in 2006, as well as the closing credits for the 2006 FA Cup final and ITV's coverage of the 2006 Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race, adverts for the BBC's coverage of England games during the 2006 FIFA World Cup, on television advertisements for RTÉ's Gaelic Games coverage in Ireland and on an advert for Oxfam. It was also utilised on the trailer of the film Children of Men. Following this, demand for the single grew. It was made more widely available by EMI in consequence.

An extended Sæglópur EP was released on July 10, 2006 in most parts of the world and on August 8 in the United States. Its original release date was May 8, but because of the sudden demand of "Hoppípolla" it was pushed back from that date. Sigur Rós recorded three new songs to appear on the EP ("Refur", "Ó Fridur", and "Kafari").

A Sigur Rós concert in Hong KongIn July 2006, Sigur Rós finished a major world tour with stops in Europe, the United States, where they played a headline show at the Hollywood Bowl, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong and Japan. They followed up with a series of free outdoor concerts throughout Iceland in July, which were filmed for a future DVD release. The band has started work on a full-length follow up album to Takk..., which they expect to finish recording during 2007. They also performed twice in the United States in February.

In an interview with Fréttablaðið newspaper, Georg says it remains to be seen whether the band will be taking a totally new direction on the album. “We have finished recording a few songs but some more things need to be done. We don’t know exactly where the album is heading yet. We are really just experimenting at this stage. Some of the songs we recorded are old songs which we had written a while ago, unreleased material which we never got a chance to finish. We decided it was time they were recorded.” Georg says there is a possibility the album will be released this year but nothing is confirmed at this point.

To date, Sigur Rós have sold over 2 million albums worldwide.

This band sings in Icelandic and an invented ghost language called "hopelandic". It isn't a real language, of course. Sometimes singers have music with no words. Sometimes they fill in what are called "ghost lyrics" or lyrics that have no real meaning and are just there to sing along with to get the feeling of the melody. Instead of using ghost lyrics, they just use gibberish. It isn't so mysterious.

That song,Glósóli used to be my favorite of theirs until just recently. I found another video of theirs. The titles of the song: Sæglópur(sigh-CHLO-pur). Which translates:lost at sea. Here is the video. Also, very amazing.

Check out their myspace page here or at myspace.com/sigurros.

Check out their official website here or at sigurros.com

Sleeping in the Battlefield

2007-07-27T03:59:00.000-07:00

Or is it battling in the sleeping field? I can't sleep tonight for more than an hour at a time. Perhaps it is because my mind keeps suggesting something is wrong. Perhaps that is because of my little adventure today. I hate staying in the house. Being a full time model gets pretty boring. Especially when one doesn't have a car (yet). I do, however, have a bike. Today I felt like a lazy bitch. I hopped on that bike and rode it. For a very long time I rode my bike. For two straight hours I rode my bike. I think it was about twenty miles to the gym. I rode on my bike to the gym ad worked out for about an hour and a half. I hopped back on my bike and rode back home. Two hours later I was taking a shower in my house wondering how the fuck I got there. The ride back home was at night. Let me tell you, the scariest thing for an imaginary mind to be doing is riding around the middle of the desert, lost, at night. I hate Vegas for this one reason: there are no through roads anywhere. It is very hard to travel on bike around here when you make silly assumptions that the same road is in one complete piece. Nope. There is one road, the one I tried to take, that goes for a while then all of a sudden turns into desert wasteland, then train tracks then... OOPS!! A flood canal with a six foot fence around it. This road picks back up on the other side of this canal about a mile away. What the fuck sense does that make? Absolutely none.
So, anyway I am trying to sleep and I am still in a state of shock that I actually made it home... alive. I guess my mind is just so petrified it can't let me rest. Well... here I go again. Maybe Betty Suarez will put me to sleep. I always loved her silly making-her-pitiful-life-seem-so-unnecessarily-relevant kind of style about her. Makes me reminisce the days when all I had to worry about was how to say "hi" to a crush. Oh wait... my life was ever simple. Eh... some of us just live vicariously through other people to make us feel like maybe this really is our life, even for a split moment. Especially if it is a fictitious character.
Anyway, here I go. Good night. If I wake up in an hour, I will be sure and make an edit to this ridiculous documentation of my sleepless night.

A Dingo Stole my Baby!!

2007-07-26T15:39:00.000-07:00

More like Lauryn Hill's damn mind!

According to sources at Lauryn Hill's Norway concert this weekend, her crazy demands are even more out of control. apparently she demanded that all her security guards be black, none of them could look at her--even from backstage, no one around her could speak to her unless she speaks to them first, and no one could walk past her backstage. Chick clearly has some issues.

When one security guard forgot one of the rules and said something to her, she allegedly lost her damn mind nd started throwing water bottles at him. And after the power went out in the venue--Lauryn refused to continue once the power came back on. Folks had to get a refund. Poor Lauryn. Crack kills.

I used to like Lauryn Hill. I even listened to her album yesterday. She used to be one amazing lady. Now I keep hearing about her obsession with turning everyone around her black and acting like some diva. Baby, you're no diva. You made a couple hits with The Fugees way back when and you made one solo album. I heard a couple little songs of yours on a various artists CD, but your career is surely over.

So sad. All these crazy bitches thinking they still have something to offer the world. It seems like everyday I am seeing something else about another Hollywood girl gone bad. Britney, Paris, Nicole, Lindsay, now Lauryn? Who's next? It is anyone's guess at this point. All I know is that Wacko Jacko has nothing on these girls.

Oh, speaking of the devil: he is moving here to Las Vegas soon. Does this mean another washed up celebrity Dragone show? Let's hope for our stomach's sake not. This is the last year for Miss Thang Celine. I think I am going to HAVE to buy tickets and go see the show before it ends. I love her. I think she might be the only halfway descent celebrity show on the strip. Unless of course you enjoy Hassling the Hoff. Bahaha. I am sure his show is a great success. Who doesn't want to see Mr. Baywatch himself on stage... singing does he? I don't know. All I know is that is one show I am staying far away from.

Just thinking... this could be dangerous

2007-07-25T16:45:00.000-07:00

I have a ton to think about these days. I just got back from San Diego pride. That was an emotional rollercoaster. I am trying to get my career going in the right direction so I can make something of it. Right now I am dealing with a lot of things from my past that I never got the chance to really face head on. One of those things being the fear of poverty. I guess that is one factor in why I am doing what I am doing now. All through high school my parents instilled this fear of not having money into me. I was a kid and I wanted to just have fun. They pushed me into working at a young age, which I am looking back with gratitude because it taught me a lot. But, my parents made me pay for everything and I had to work pretty much full time. I had no life. Now I am almost stable in my finances and my parents are still struggling. I called my best friend, Eric yesterday and told him about this. He said the most amazing thing to me. "You're mom is just jealous because her ass is still stuck in Michigan and you are out doing things and making things happen and you are happy. Don't le her make you feel guilty for having money.".
That completely made me feel better. I guess I am still in the process of letting go of old, outdated values. That is just part of growing up. I still feel like a child in many ways. Perhaps if I saw a man in the mirror every morning, I would feel differently. That is very curious. I know I don't look a day over 18 and I guess people treat me like a kid because I look like one. I don't know. Perhaps that is another reason my parents aren’t super supportive about my life and the choices that I make. They still think they know best.
Another thing I am trying to deal with is this detachment from everything I used to know. I mean, not only have I moved half way across the country, but my family has changed so much. I have no idea why all these memories keep popping up about my childhood. I keep hearing music, or watching movies, or eating certain foods, or even just having random thoughts that remind me of what used to be and never will be again. I guess that is the hardest part of growing up. Everything loses the magic it once had. I never get scared from scary movies anymore. Ice cream doesn't taste as amazing as it used to. The thought of running through the sprinkler in my gym shorts seems like a silly waste of time. Even music sounds all the same to me.
I remember going to the club for my first time. It must have been the most amazing experience of my entire life. I was with my old group of friends and we all got drunk on the 2 hour ride down. I remember thinking how fun it was to be gay. At that point in my life I was still caught up in the newness of coming out. I had been sheltered my whole life. I had only kissed one person. I never had sex. I was still fresh to the whole scene. Even calling Eric reminded me of what used to be. That group of friends fell apart.
Basically I am waiting for someone to tell me that everything horrible that happened in my life has its purpose. I am waiting for an epiphany. I am waiting. Seriously, life is a crazy bitch. I don't know why everything I try ad keep together falls apart. In retrospect, I suppose I bring it on myself. I love change. I don't like mundane. I do hate things to stay the same. What I don't realize most of the time is that I am going to regret letting these things go. I can't go back and have my family put back together. I can't go back and bring all my friends together. I can’t go back to high school and change that experience. All I can do is create the life I want right now.
I am working towards getting myself in a position to do everything I ever dreamed about doing. Slowly it is all coming to a head and things are picking up, but meanwhile I keep thinking about the past. I guess there is one sliver lining around this could: I can learn from it. I can learn from my parents what NOT to do with money. I can learn from my family that if I should have children to make their childhood something they can look back on with joy instead of regret that the shortest period in their life was not all it could have been. I can learn from my old relationships falling apart that the only thing you can do is make as many good memories from the relationships that you have. Memories are the only thing we have to connect us to the past. I am learning as I type these words that I need to make lasting memories right now. I don't want to regret not making the most of this point in my life. So, that is what I am going to do. I am going to make it my goal to just make memories. Granted, I am going to still take care of responsibilities, but the ones I have right now will not be the same in a few months. They never are. So, memories are my main priority right now. From now on.

San Diego Pride

2007-07-25T01:40:00.000-07:00

I recently attended San Diego's pride festival of 2007. It was nothing less than amazing. I went down with two of my very sexy and very fun friends, Ben and Ethan. We made a little road trip out of it. By little I mean a six hour drive from Las Vegas to San Diego. It was fun. I rode with Ethan in his little Ginch-mobile. That car has to be the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.

We had a good trip there. When we got there we all crashed from travel exhaustion. I am going to tell you all a secret. You know, actually, I have been saying that a lot lately. I guess if I do tell a secret on here, then it isn't really a secret is it? Well, here is my used-to-be secret. I am a sleepwalker. I walk, talk, and beat my bedmates up in my sleep. The first night wasn't so bad. I just made strange noises. The second night I was stealing pillows and yelling about my hair. The third night, and this is the best part of the entire trip; well, I like chronologicality, so I will save that for the end.

Right now I want to talk about pride itself. I was with my friends and we were selling Ginch Gonch. We shared a booth with Just Us Boys. They were selling ID Lube. It was a beautiful combination. Hehe. So anyway, the first day, Saturday, we got there ad we were swamped with fans and people wanting to buy undies. Well, when I say we I mean the boys were swamped with fans and us other two were selling underwear. I am going to be truthful, it kind of made me feel insecure. I am never about making statements or pushing the envelope or myself when it isn't my place. I really felt out of place on Saturday. To add to this, Brent Corrigan's "boyfriend"(I am not sure what terms to use for what they constitute as a relationship, being I only met them both once and I was drunk.) says from the mob in front of the booth, “Blair!". I got all excited thinking one of my fans actually recognized me and wanted to say hello. I gazed up... it was only Brent's lover daddy. He handed me a promo card for Brent’s new site and says ,"Just wanted to give you that". I made it a point to look disgusted and threw the card angrily under the table. What kind of a gesture was that? Was he suggesting that I go to this site and go all goo-goo eyed over Brent Corrigan? Maybe he was trying to give me epidemic access to feed my ever growing interest in Brent. Haha. I was confused and by this time I was perturbed. Pride was turning out to not be all that fun. Then Sunday came along.

Sunday was a completely different story. It wasn't as crowded in the adult section where we were for some reason. I got to see some of my porn friends, Lex Sabre and my brother Tyler Mason along with Cody Fallon, Tommy Blade, and all the hot little twinks from Helix Studios. I even had a couple people who wanted to take pictures with little ol' me!

I was pleasantly surprised and very humbled. Probably the best part of the whole day was when I got a chance to be interviewed by Angel. I saw him interviewing all these other people on Saturday and God knows even that added to the pile. Angel, being the sweetheart that he is, took time to interview me. I was so happy with the questions he was asking and the chance to just introduce myself to the world. I don't get very many opportunities for that, so every chance I get is like heaven. As Oprah would say, Halleluyer!!! Haha.

This weekend was pretty eventful. But, nothing from this weekend will stick in my memory more than this. As I said earlier, I sleepwalk. I usually do this when I am sleeping in the same room with other people. I don't know why. It just happens. Well, on Sunday night I was pretty wound up emotionally. I was still feeling little snippets from Saturday and the events of Sunday were still very vivid and colorful and powerful in playing their role towards creating my emotional status. I went to sleep pretty fast. The next thing I know I am trying to crawl into bed with Ben and Ethan! I had no idea what was going on, all I knew at that moment was that I was tired and needed to sleep. I think I thought that their bed was my bed. I have no idea. That isn't even the worst part. Ethan notices the fluctuation in the pressure of the mattress and looks up to see me hovering over them. "What are you doing?", he said. "Oh My God! Sorry! I thought you were Japanese!", I stammered as I cowered back shamefully back to my bed clear across the room. It had to have been the most bizarre moments of lack of logic in my entire life. It made absolutely no sense at all. I know some of you reading this will probably jump to conclusions saying that I was trying to fuck with them or whatever, but they are seriously like brothers to me. The thought of doing anything sexually with them is so foreign to me. So there!

On Monday we all got up a little later than usual ad took it easy getting ready to go. We went down to the beach and walked around. I took off my shirt and I had a fucking farmer's tan from being stubborn at pride. See, people kept telling me to take off my shirt and run around in my skivvies. Like I said, I am not about putting myself out there when it isn't my place. I am also not about making statements when it isn't my place. Maybe I was being irrational, but I wasn't comfortable with taking off my clothes at pride. I now wish I would have just not made such a big deal of it, because I am shooting in a few weeks and I have a ghetto ass farmer's tan. Anyway, so we were at the beach and I took my shirt off and tried to even out the hideousness. No luck. We went to eat at this Greek place. There is so much Hummus and Gyros in Southern California I felt like wearing an olive branch crown on my head ad a toga on my butt. I decided that maybe that would have been a bit much. LoL. So, we did all that and made our journey back home. Last night I got back around 10pm and didn't get to sleep until about 3am. OH LOOK! Here I go again. It is almost 3 again and I think I just created a bad sleeping pattern. I wonder if I can go crawl into bed with a Japanese person to cure it. I don't know. I do know this: I am tired and beyond the point of making sense, so I am going to go now.

Goodnight, everyone. Love you to pieces.

Luv, B

MUAH!!!

I am sorry.

2007-07-24T20:27:00.000-07:00

I never say that. I believe there is a time and place for everything. I only say I am sorry if I truly mean it. I recently posted a blog that was very controversial in nature, and some may say prejudice. I want my readers to know that I love you all no matter what color you are. Last night I was very exhausted and stressed out and my mind was not in the right place to be writing. I want to clear up a few things.

First off, I have been talking to people today about this topic of labels. I know now that people aren't the ones who are labeling themselves, but more so it is the government. All throughout our school years we were forced to label ourselves by race on those stupid scantron tests. I realize now that I was being overly harsh and that my words came across in the completely wrong way. I am going to keep the post up because I am all about being honest and open and not hiding my past mistakes. I just hope that you who read the last post and were offended that you accept my deep and genuine apology. I never set out to harm anyone. I do, however, set out to stir emotions and provoke thoughts and feelings that may be buried deep within society’s crust.

Second, I am not completely white. I am a mix of a ton of different races and backgrounds. I do not consider myself to be superior to anyone. I actually in a number of cases feel very inferior to people around me. HAH! You know a secret now. I make sure nobody ever sees it. Why give their ego the pleasure? Did you forget that I am gay? Did you forget that I am in porn? I have two things going against me in the everyday mainstream society that I find myself surrounded by. The latter is my choice, but is frowned upon by a lot of people. For me to feel superior to anyone would be very risky, as someone could call me out on so much and make me feel inferior. I just skip the whole process and respect everyone and have understanding for everyone I come across as I would have them do for me.

I am 19 years old. That is not an excuse i the least bit. I have a lot to learn about life and about people. Please understand that anything I write in here is only a snapshot of my current perception. Right now, my perception has been cleared. I know that I am sort of known for speaking my mind. I will never apologize for that. What I am apologizing for now is posting irresponsibly. I usually try and do a bit more research on world and society issues before I post anything about them. I wasn't in the right frame of mind last night to write anything and look what happened. For that I do apologize. I love you all very much.

So! If you could forgive me ad accept my apology, post a smiley face in the comments section of this post. I don't want to lose my readers because of a stupid mistake. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy with me. Just let me know and I will do the best I can.

Lindsay: Jail Bird?

2007-07-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

Yes. Lindsay Lohan is said to have been arrested. Just after stepping out of rehab, she was arrested for cocaine possession. This is surely the end of party girl Lohan.

This makes me kind, I don't know, happy. Karma is a bitch and I am always happy she is doing her job. Even if she cracks down on me, it makes me feel like at least someone is watching and pursuing some sort of cosmic justice. Of course, I wouldn't wish jail on anyone. Not that I know what it is like, but I do know what it isn't like. It isn't like a crack whore's dream come true.

As I said in the previous post, these bitches are the ones who are representing us to the rest of the world. Paris Hilton shows the world that we are retarded and can't think for ourselves and try to blame our messes on others. Nicole Richie shows the world that we hold no value for human life and use it as a pawn to stay out of imprisonment. Lindsay Lohan is telling the world that Americans are crack whores who party all the time and don't care how destructive our lives becomes, even when it becomes to late.

Thanks, Linz. We appreciate it.

In the heat of the moment... inspiration provoked insomnia

2007-07-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

Apparently I have now become so attached to staying true to my readers, of whom I am finding out lately are in more abundance than my latter notions led me to believe, is more important to me than sleep. Eh... I have all the time in the world to sleep when I take the big nap! I really do love sleep, and I also love you! So, I am attempting to kill two birds with; ERR; I am trying to have my cake and eat it, too. So much to talk about, so little motivation at such a late hour, but, nonetheless, I am receiving an aching urge to write something to pacify my, what has now become religious, yearning to keep this blog a true revelation of my mind. So this is coming to you from a somewhat guilt alleviating platform and then again a religious angst and nudge to stay true and real. SO! Right now my mind is thinking about a song. I first saw this music video at the gym. If you read two of my very close friends' blogs this latter statement will give you a sense of nostalgia or deja vu as we all have a beautiful little habit of finding new and incredible songs, news, and other forms of intriguing media while pumping iron and shaping our manly buns. Any who, back to the subject matter at hand. The subject matter that will kill Miss insomnia with a single deadly blow to the chest. One can dream, and that is all I want to do tonight. Write to you all so I can alleviate this melancholy guilt, ergo, killing Ms. Insomnia. Here it is.

Icky Thump
By: The White Stripes
Iiiiieee.
Icky Thump
Who'da Thunk?
Sittin' drunk on a wagon to Mexico?

Ah Well
What a Chump.
Well My Head Gotta Bump
When I Hit it On The Radio

RedHead Senorita
Looking Dead
Came and Said,
"Need a Bed?"
En Espanol

I Said, "Gimme a Drink a Water,
I'm Gonna 'Sing Around the Collar'
And I Don't Need a Microphone"

Icky Thump
With a Lump In My Throat
Grabbed My Coat
And I Was Freaking
I Was Ready To Go!

And I Swear
Besides The Hair
She Had One White Eye
One Blank Stare
Lookin' Up

Lyin' There.

On The Stand
Near Her Hand
Was A Candy Cane.
Black Rum, Sugar Cane.
Dry Ice (and) Something Strange.

La La La La La La La
La La La La La La La

White Americans, What?
Nothing Better To Do?
Why Don't You Kick Yourself Out
You're An Immigrant Too

Who's Using Who?
What Should We Do?
Well, You Can't Be A Pimp
And A Prostitute Too.

Icky Thump
Handcuffed To A Bunk
Robbed Blind
Looked Around
And There Was Nobody Else

Left Alone
I Hit Myself With A Stone
Went Home And Learned How
To Clean Up After Myself.

You know, I never claim to know exactly what musicians are attempting to put across in their lyrics. Sometimes people just become channels of the cosmic minds floating around without a body to inhabit. They write whatever and it is brilliant. Yet, not knowing exactly what their own song means, they sing it anyway and intrigue us all to a place of awe and wonder. The beginning of this song is very fuzzy to me but the end is extremely clear. America, God bless her fucked up self, is having an ego issue. She seems to think that her brown, yellow, red, black, and rainbow colored sisters are somehow... inferior to her prestigous self. She doesn't blink twice as she picks up her poor little sister and tosses her over the fence by her hair to a land of dirt, crime, sadness and depravity. America, how beautiful is your silky, white, fat ass blowing in freedom's breeze. This song is amazing. White Americans, What? Nothing Better To Do? Why Don't You Kick Yourself Out You're An immigrant Too. One thing that always irritates me is people who call themselves African American or Asian American. Why the fuck do you need a special distinction? If I walked up to a black woman calling herself boastfully and without shame an African American and asked her what tribe her ancestors are from or what region her family originated from she, in most cases, would be grasping hopelessly for an answer only to find out that she needs to rethink her belting out claims that she can't back up with a healthy knowledge of her heritage. America is so confused about who she is anymore. Why can't she just be America? Why all this division? Do you ever see a white... oh wait, what is the politically correct term as if anyone had a problem being called white... Caucasian person boasting that they are a European American? First of all, you can only claim one nationality in the United States. You are born into citizenship. If you are born here, you have no right in the world to claim another nation or continent as your own. You are strictly American if you are born here.

Another thing, while I am on this topic: what is wrong with using the name of a color to associate certain groups of people with? For those of us who can see and have the ability to see color, it is only stating the obvious. I get so angry with people who are asking about someone I saw or someone I talked to and I say "Oh, he was a black man with a blue hat and jeans and he... blah blah blah..." or " Yeah, she is this old, white lady that used to live down the street and she used to.. blah blah..." and get upset because I used color words to describe people. Last time I checked, people weren't all the same color. Let us broaden our scope a bit ad look beyond color. Let us look at all the different taboos we have for talking about our fellow human beings.

We have no problem stating the obvious if someone is tan or has brown hair or if they are short or tall. Yet we are quick to nail someone to a wall if they say that someone is fat or disabled or black or Asian or blind or gay or if they are a dwarf (AKA a "little person"). I have said this to so many people and I believe it with all my heart. Our bodies are just the shell. Having said that, it is the only shell you are given. I love my shell. I don't brag about it. I use it to the best of its capabilities because one day it is going to wear out and I am going to have to cash it in for something else. Why is it so wrong as we go about this planet and this life together ,as a human society, to describe how we all look to each other? Granted, it is fucking rude to yell "Fatty" at the lady walking down the street, but you can always use the principle of extremes to make a failed attempt at rebuttal in arguments with me and still not be able to walk away not knowing I have a valid and true point. Here it is: love yourself and others will love you, too.

I find that people who rise up in arms about someone not being overwhelmingly politically correct are the ones who feel so insecure about themselves that they feel the need to fight the world. I know this because I used to be one of these people.

I used to attend church regularly with my parents. It was a small little country church whose members were sheltered and uncultured country folk who thought that since they were not gay that it was safe to make jokes and preach angrily against this "vile sin". I was so afraid of what people would think if they found out I liked boys sexually. I mean, that was really a taboo thing to do in the small town I lived in. I cried myself to sleep in the arms of God, praying for him to relieve this guilt and burden away from me. God, whatever he happens to be did what I prayed for. It took eighteen years, but one day it came to a head. For eighteen years I was every gay boys worst nightmare. I would harass them, beat them up and get extremely angry whenever anyone would talk lightly or positively about homosexuality. I regret not coming out sooner. It would have made high school a lot more fun and I would have saved a ton of heartache and pain for some boys who needed my love and understanding rather than my hate. Turning out it was self hate, I obviously never pushed being gay out of my system and embraced it one day.

I am so off track. What is my point? My point is that if everyone eased up and became absolutely true to themselves then political correctness will not be an issue anymore. People can just be happy in their own skin and be Americans instead of trying to separate out of shame. The shame may be rightfully felt, but I feel ashamed of America right now also. I don't have the luxury to label myself an African American or an Asian American or even a Native American in attempts to distance myself from the reality that George W. Bush is the leader of the, what used to be, free world and that I have been lied to via national television countless times. Not to mention that my tax dollars are going towards one man's sick and twisted quest for oil in exchange for innocent lives, but I do not have the luxury of labeling myself something else to alleviate the shame. I am just American: sad and ashamed at how our president has represented us to the world and how a minority of people, mostly trashy celebrities, have represented us to other nations, I am an American. I can't be a pimp and a prostitute, too.

Enough with this minority bullshit. There is only one minority in the entire universe: alive. If you are alive, you are a minority. No color matters. No nationality matters. Nothing else matters except for the fact that you are alive on your earth living your life. Let me live mine. I will let you live yours.

Don't smear your color in my face. I am not a blank canvas. I have brown hair and brown eyes. I have tan skin. I may be white, but the properties of such a color disinegrate when you place a soul inside. You are not much different than me. Stop insulting me and just humble yourself and come down to my level, where nobody gives you special pity treatment or watches their words around you. I am talking to the "minorities" of America. Stop playing victim and love yourself, because like I learned the hard way, nobody will love you unless you give them permission to love you. You love you, and it permits others to love you also.

Well, this is a pretty long post for what was going to be just a little blurb. I am glad I got this out of my system. I know it may seem like I am ignorant on this subject matter, but this is my diary. I write how I feel. Feelings can never be wrong, only felt and experienced and documented. Neither black nor white. Just experieced.

Love is Gonna Save us.

2007-07-19T21:25:00.000-07:00

So... there is no video for this song apparantly. I never put my ipod on shuffle, but whe I do I discover amazing songs, like this one. I love this song so much. I have had it on repeat since yesterday afternoon at the gym.

Since I haven't blogged in a couple of days, here is what is going on. I have plans to go to San Diego for pride with some of my friends. That should be amazing being the fact that I haven't gone to any pride events this year yet. I am super stoked. I have all my stuff packed and ready to go. That is what is new on the outside.

What is new on the inside? Well, I am done with my detox, which was't a very intense one. I just wanted a little boost to get rid of my cold. I have been takig charcoal and multivitamin suppliments for two days. I finished my charcoal regimine today, but I will still stay on the vitamin juices. They taste like the Jolly Green Giant's dirty asshole, but it is good for me and I feel good.

Something else I must confess. Last night I had a dream that my mother calledme and ask me about my career ventures. She said "Your grandpa found your dirty movies under your bed up here. Tell me the dirty. Don't tell me the nasty, but tell me how a shy little guy like you can do this on a regular basis?". I didn't get a chace to tell her before I woke up. Something told me that it was time to call her, so I obeyed this little voice and called. Voice mail. She called me back this afternoon. She never mentioned anything about my "dirty movies". It was a relief. I feel so at ease though about the whole issue, especially because of the dream I had.

Summer is halfway over and I am getting a car next month. That is really exciting for me. Though I love the fact that I get to see my friends alot, I am sure they are ready for me to start driving over to see them! PLus, having a car means that I will be able to drive to L.A. whenever I want to. I can drive over to Cali and start doing things that I have been wanting to do my whole life. I am excited. I would like to get either the yellow Jeep or the blue Toyota, but I am limiting myself to a used car for now, being the fact that I am not loaded yet. I am still watering my money tree and it is growing everyday, but it will be a while until I can be stable enough to afford a car like that. Soon, though!

So, that is my life in a nutshell of the moment. I have two jobs next month with two very big studios. I am really excited about that. Once I find out dates, I will let you know what you can expect. I have a movie coming out in September some time. I will definately let you know when the release date for that one is. It should be really good. I can't wait to see it.

Until then, C'est La Vie.

Luv, B

Painting and its inspiration

2007-07-18T10:12:00.000-07:00

I love art as I have said before. I just don't think you know how much. Last night I started my canvas painting. I laid down the base first and was going to wait until today to finish it. I am glad I didn't wait. I started listening to Delerium and their song "Innocente" and had a rush of inspiration. Here is the painting and its inspiration. I took the pic with my camera phone, so please forgive the quality. And it is angled. If you look at it, the yellow bars are to be on top. they point vertical instead of horizontal. Well... enjoy.

Dreams. They can make the world look rosie.

2007-07-17T13:27:00.000-07:00

Last night I had a dream that I found my long lost daddy. Daddy was rich and it was my birthday. The night before my birthday I looked outside and saw a smeitruck drop off a yellow Jeep in my yard. The next day I found out that Daddy boght it for me. It felt so real and I am glad that my dream allowed me to use the power of attraction to my benifit. Granted, I want a yellow Jeep.

I did want a yellow jeep until I started seeing those blue toyotas around town. They are so sweet. I want one, but I thik I have already placed high priority on my yellow Jeep. It would by kind of silly to stop in the middle of the process and switch car choices. Though it may be smart. I don't know. Time will tell which car I will have.

So, I am rearrangin life and the universe to be able to have either one of these two cars. Hopefully everything works out as I have planned. Well, if it doesn't work out how I see it, it will work out the way the universe sees it. So I am not worried at all. Everything will come together.

Mind cleared. Body washed. Heart replenished.

2007-07-16T22:49:00.000-07:00

Once in a while you have those times when you mind body and spirit collide in a magical array of clarity. For me it happened today. After a long spell of vulnerability ,that I admit I caused for myself, I finally could see the world as it really is. I finally understand that people are people. I realized that I have been doing things and saying things that hurt people. I realized today that I have been looking for someone else to tell me that my life is important and that I am in control of it. You know, if you really believe in yourself, you can't wait around for someone else to tell you that you are capable of achieving your dreams. You already know you are capable, otherwise you wouldn't dream in the first place. I think what I was looking for was permission to move forward.

I grew up clinging to permission as the answer to whether something was right or wrong or worthwhile or important. A friend told me while I was in San Diego, wallowing in self-abuse and depression, to give it all up. That I am an adult now. He told me that the only thing that matters is that I have confidence in myself. Everyone around me already does have confidence in me. I could have the world cheering me on, but if I believe I will sink when I try to walk on water, all the cheering in the world is going to convince me to step off the boat. Now I can see that the water in front of me is nothing but an illusion. Everyone else knew it but me. I had been taught to think that walking on water was reserved for God. Now I see people walking on water all around me and I know I can do it, too. I knew I could do it ever since I was a child.

I bought a bunch of detox materials today. I wrung up a $90 bill at Vitamin World. It is a steep price for clarity, but I think today proved that I am in the perfect frame of mind to go through with it. Maybe it was this weekend that set me right. Maybe it was the heat today and being around some good friends that set me right. Maybe it was just a combination of the last three days. I think so. We will see and time will tell if today's epitome really transformed me the way I feel like it did.

Lessons Learned... The Shane's World sham

2007-07-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

So. Sometimes you plan for things and everything looks amazing and people tell you that it is going to be amazing. You have a bad feeling about it but something or someone tells you that it will all be ok. Maybe it is the money. Or maybe perhaps the publicity promised. Maybe it is the people you will get to do the whole thing with. Any of those reasons are all poor attempts at rationalization. I say poor attempts because even with all the factors pointing to yes you can come up with on your own they do not stand a chance against the gnashing you feel in your teeth and the clenching of your skin and bones to just stay put because all the while you are telling yourself yes, your heart is telling you no.

That is what happened this weekend. Sometimes people have inovative ideas. Sometimes people just jump the gun based off pure instinct. Sometimes even inspiration plays a part. It is said that to do the same thing over and over, expecting different results is literally the definition of insanity. If you have an inovative idea and it fails miserably, you are insane to do it again and expect a different result. When you pull other people into your insane structure of business, it can get pretty ugly when it fails yet again, quite expectedly by everyone. Everyone, that is, with the same heart wrenching feeling wanting to just say no, but say yes because of a little devil I like to call optibenefitism. The things we do that we know are insane but have optimism about doing them because if they actually, by a miracle from above, worked they would benifit us exceedingly above the risks. Like, for instance, gambling.

I am not going to mention names or specific events. But I will sa this. I hope everyone involved in this porn disaster learned a few things. One: you can't stick a straight formula into a gat equation. What horny straight guys are willing to do for nothing, gay men wouldn't think about doing. Gay men are a bit more cultured and refined than striaght frat boys in most cases. Two: contracts contracts contracts. Make sure you know what the fuck you are siging before you sign it. People like to be tricky and staple shit loads of papers into a standard model release form to cover their ass and make yours feel happy granted everything goes right and you have no reason to suspect. I like to think that people wouldn't screw me over, but you can never be sure. Expect the worst and prepare for hell. When it does come you will be glad you did. Three: be professional at all times. When things do go wrong, don't start drama. Dont make a scene and start crying. Especially if it is your fault and everyone is angry at you to begin with. Whe you start crying it makes you look like a jackass and nobody is ever going to want to work with you again.Four: I would like to believe that companies would be professional enough to know they made a mistake and take their losses with some dignity and their reputation still intact. But, this is the porn industry we are talking about. The money that is made here is made from spreading dignity wide the open, fucking the shit out of it, chewing it up, spitting it back into a blender, making puree and slapping it into a box and sending it to America for $39.95 a pop. These are the people I would expect, optibenefititiously, to be professional enough to admit they were wrong, take their losses... ALL their losses and wash their hands clean with their "dignity" still in one piece and in one place. But, some people just do not get the power of family. Yes, family. Adult performers, despite their catiness towards each other sometimes and their various directions of interest, stick together when push comes to shove. Or jip comes to abandon in this particular case. We help each other fight for what is rightfully ours. We don't keep our mouths shut and if companies like to spread their dignity wide open, then we will fuck the shit out of it, chew it up, blend it into a deuchbag milkshake and spoon feed it to the gay world. All, with OUR dignity still in one piece and in one place, because we already learned not to be taken advantage of and we can read company employees and head honchos like a mother fucking book. That is what you ar hiring when you hire a porn star: someone who has been around the block and already saw you along the way far before you ever thought about buying a camera or light.

I have said it before and I will mention it now in the realm of relevancy and to-do-with. I want to start an adult flimworkers union. I think that is what we need now. Evolve! It is the right time. I am sick of being surprised on set by some bitch thinking they are dealing with a prostitute or newbie. I am sick of seeing my friends miserable because they just got screwed over and have to make a living off of false notions and marshmallows and "wish it could have worked out". Wake up, baby! Stop sucking your thumb pretending that people are good natured in this business. Stop thinking that you have to suck anyone but your scene partner's ass. Why do you think they call you a porn... what is it again? STAR! You are the mother fucking star so start acting like it. Push overs don't stand a chance walking on this tight rope of an industry. You either stand up, focus and move forward, stopping your momentum for nobody, or you become a push over and, well, get pushed over, into shark infested waters, never to be seen or heard from again. Sure, some of these push overs will become wash ups (stars who used to be but aren't anymore and linger like an ugly one night stand in the morning), but only to be carried back out to sea and die and be eaten some more.

Lessons learned? I hope so.

Fashion meets TSA

2007-07-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

I am flying somehwere this morning and when I was putting my outfit together this morning, one piece of my wardrobe made me a little nervous to wear. I wore it anyway because I knew that the razor was fake and that the blood was fake also.

I decided to wear my Kate Moss Bloody Razor by Onch. I learned that TSA is more uptight than Queen Elizabeth in at a Lover's Lane party. Not that that is a bad thing. I am glad that I get treated like a terrorist every couple of weeks. It adds some spice to my life. It makes me especially as happy when I make sure I don't carry anything like liquids or razors in my carry on, only for them to thank me by losing my check-in luggage. Bliss. I think that is the word one uses to express the feeling I have right now; utterly joyful and proud beyond all measure.

I wonder if Kate Moss ever got harrassed by TSA personnell when she is traveling. You know that woman has pills, razors, liquids unimaginable. I wonder what some people do when they travel. Awlays have. I have strange, and a bit annoying travel habbits to my friends. I always make sure that I have the specific kind of toner, moisturizer, deoderant, toothpaste, hair product, and shoes. I just know that these things make me look my best. When I realized that checking a bag is not a smart thing to do anymore, I started packing everything very carefully. Last trip I took I didn't pack any of my necessities and I looked horribleand felt horrible the whole time. I was a bitch and it caused mood swings. I am a fragile person deep, deep, deep, deep down. I have few weaknesses, but the ones I do have seem to break me when they are provoked.

My fashion is, evidentally, a weakness for me. Wearing my crazy necklace and being harrassed by TSA felt like it was worth lookin good when I step off the plane. I should really fix that. I mean, what if ammo belts or chains become fashionable? (please god, I am not suggesting that they do. Eww!!) I need to reevaluate this issue. If anyone sees me wearing something questionable to the airport, please save me from myself!!! I rationalize the irrationable. I mean, honestly! I rationolize being naked for the world to see. If you can rationolize that, then the little things like wearing a razor blade necklace through checkpoint seems rational.

Ah. Life's little lessons.

Save Darfur. Stop the Genocide.

2007-07-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

Some background information...
*taken from savedarfur.org
Background

Sudan is the largest country in Africa, located just south of Egypt on the eastern edge of the Sahara desert. The country’s major economic resource is oil. But, as in other developing countries with oil, this resource is not being developed for the benefit of the Sudanese people, but instead, for an elite few in the government and society. As much as 70 percent of Sudan’s oil export revenues are used to finance the country’s military.

Darfur, an area about the size of Texas, lies in western Sudan and borders Libya, Chad and the Central African Republic. It has only the most basic infrastructure or development. The approximately 6 million inhabitants of Darfur are among the poorest in Africa. They exist largely on either subsistence farming or nomadic herding. Even in good times, the Darfuri people face a very harsh and difficult life; these are not good times in Darfur.

The current crisis in Darfur began in 2003. After decades of neglect, drought, oppression and small-scale conflicts in Darfur, two rebel groups – the Sudanese Liberation Army/Movement (SLA/M) and the Justice and Equality Movement (JEM) – mounted a challenge to Sudan’s president, Omar al-Bashir. These groups represent agrarian farmers who are mostly non-Arab black African Muslims from a number of different tribes. President al-Bashir’s response was brutal. In seeking to defeat the rebel movements, the Government of Sudan increased arms and support to local tribal and other militias, which have come to be known as the Janjaweed. Their members are composed mostly of Arab black African Muslims who herd cattle, camels, and other livestock. They have wiped out entire villages, destroyed food and water supplies, and systematically murdered, tortured, and raped hundreds of thousands of Darfurians. These attacks occur with the direct support of the Government of Sudan’s armed forces.

No portion of Darfur’s civilian population has been spared violence, murder, rape and torture. As one illustration of how Khartoum has waged its war, the Sudanese military paints many of its attack aircraft white – the same color as UN humanitarian aircraft – a violation of international humanitarian law. When a plane approaches, villagers do not know whether it is on a mission to help them, or to bomb them. Often, it has been the latter.

This scorched earth campaign by the Sudanese government against Darfur’s sedentary farming population has, by direct violence, disease and starvation, already claimed as many as 400,000 lives. It has crossed over into neighboring Chad and the Central African Republic. In all, about 2.3 million Darfuris have fled their homes and communities and now reside in a network of internally displaced persons (IDP) camps in Darfur, with at least 200,000 more living in refugee camps in Chad. These refugees and IDPs are completely dependent on the United Nations and other humanitarian organizations for their very livelihood – food, water, shelter, and health care.

Another 1 million Darfuris still live in their villages, under the constant threat of bombings, raids, murder, rape and torture. Their safety depends on the presence of the underfunded and undermanned African Union (AU) peacekeeping force, numbering just 7,400 troops and personnel. However, the so-called “AMIS” force, in Darfur since October 2004, lacks a civilian protection mandate as well as adequate means to do stop the violence; its sole mandate is to monitor and report ceasefire violations and it has done little more, due to its limited mandate but also because of its anemic capacity.

Current Humanitarian Situation

The situation on the ground is deteriorating. The regime continues its military operations directly and via the Janjaweed. In recent weeks, there has been an increase in attacks, resulting in tens of thousands of new arrivals to the many IDP and refugee camps.

Visitors to these camps, including from the Save Darfur Coalition, have reported on the dire conditions their inhabitants endure. It is remarkable they have survived for this long, in the face of such overwhelming hardship, and with so little progress toward resolving the underlying cause of their dislocation and insecurity. Only the herculean efforts of the UN and non-governmental humanitarian relief agencies have made this possible. They have 13,000 aid workers in 100 refugee camps in Darfur and Chad, working in very difficult security and logistical conditions, and constantly hampered and harassed by Sudanese government obstruction and red tape.

Humanitarian workers and operations are increasingly being targeted by both government and fragmenting rebel movement elements. Vehicles are being hijacked and robbed; aid workers are assaulted and intimidated while carrying out their work; and offices are broken into and looted.

In the first two months of 2007, according to the UN, over 80,000 more people entered into the IDP camps, fleeing the ongoing violence. Both the UN and non-governmental humanitarian agencies have warned that their ability to sustain operations is at risk in the face of government harassment and worsening security problems. Any interruption in the flow of humanitarian aid could spark deaths on a scale even worse than that seen to date: UN officials say that the death rate in Darfur could rise as high as 100,000 people per month if the fragile humanitarian life-support system collapses.

U.S. and International Diplomatic Efforts

U.S. Actions

The human suffering in Darfur continues despite the fact that the United States Congress, President Bush, and two U.S. Secretaries of State, have all labeled Darfur a genocide – the first time in U.S. history that a conflict has been labeled as such while it was still going on.

The U.S. government has failed to engage in a sustained and coherent manner to address and lead international resolution of this genocide. President Bush has given tough speeches, Congress has passed legislation authorizing stringent sanctions targeted at Sudan’s leadership, and the Administration (usually only after Congress has insisted) has provided significant – though still insufficient and sporadic – funding for humanitarian aid and peacekeeping.

On April 18, 2007, President Bush stated that he was tired of Sudanese obfuscation and evasion as it pursued its genocide; he demanded prompt action by Sudan’s President al-Bashir to end the genocide and cooperate with international demands that he admit UN peacekeepers to Darfur and cease obstructing humanitarian aid. The President warned that he had decided that the U.S. would impose unilateral targeted economic sanctions on the Sudanese regime and work for the same globally in the UN Security Council. On May 29, 2007, President Bush announced the implementation of said sanctions against Sudan.

While the U.S. is also a major funder for both AU peacekeeping and humanitarian aid efforts in Darfur, the actual costs related to Darfur have often outpaced the projections due to the changing nature and scope of the crisis, creating dangerous gaps in funding and the need for frequent emergency measures to address the shortfalls. Within the President’s proposed budget for Fiscal Year 2008, there is a projected $186 million shortfall for Darfur peacekeeping, and a $6 billion shortfall for America’s core humanitarian assistance. If these gaps are not addressed, the impact to international peacekeeping and aid efforts could negatively affect millions of Darfuris.

©2007 SaveDarfur.org
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There is so much that we can do as American citizens and as humans in general to pull together the community you live in and the global community as a whole. This is not something you can just think about in your spare time. It isn't on the same scale as walking an old lady across the street or putting change in the homeless bum's cup on the corner. This is so important. What if it was you and your family being tormented, raped, killed, burned, and extinguished all the while staring people right in the face, screaming for help, and seeing them blatantly ignore you?

Here are some things you can do...
-Sign the petition to urging President Bush and the UN Secratary-General to take emmediate and direct action to stop the killing
-Make a tax-deductible donation of any size.
-Lobby congress to take action
-Generate press coverage
-Educate others about this morbid tradgedy.
-Find a local Darfur-related event or start your own.
-Don't be against genocide. But, rather, be for peace and life. What you resist persists.
-Start the conversation. Awareness is key. You can change the world by provoking the right person to take action. You never know that the next person you talk to is going to help out in a huge way unless you try. This is a critical, global issue. Let your guard down and talk to people about this.
-Other than making a donation, lobbying congress, generating press coverage, and talking to people. If you are in a position to do something innovative that will make a great impact, just do it. The world needs you.

Those are some things you can do to make an impact. I made a donation this morning, and it didn't break me, thought I wish I could have given more. I also signed the petition and sent emails to some of my friends about signing it also. It isn't hard, and it makes a difference.

I have so much rage against President Bush. Yes, he invaded a country based on false allegations and weak, turning out to be false, leads. Yes, he has put the U.S. into economical turmoil. Yes, he is the worst president in history. I consider that all minuet compared to his lack of action in Darfur. Sudan won't allow peacekeepers and U.S. aid into Darfur. Hmm... no shit! Do you think Iraq gave us permission to invade their country? I don't think so. It was war. But, since Omar al-Bashir didn't kill any American citizens, who cares? How upset does that make you? We can invade nations that we have no business invading for ultra-benefit, but when there is a blatant and technical genocide going on in a small region in Africa, that is when we decide to start obeying monsters? This is the most ludicrous thing I have ever seen in my life. It seems to me a simple solution: get these refugees to a neighboring ally nation and then kill Bashir and his dogs that are raping little girls and burning their mothers and fathers.

Four years and nobody has done a damn thing about it. What are you going to do? This is not an impossible thing to do. Do you know how many people are in Darfur? A mere six million. Do you know how many people are living in America? 302,325,232. Over 5 times as many people in Darfur, which is the size of Texas.

As I said in a previous post, money is not the issue. The earth has the recourses to supply these people with food and shelter. The issue is motivation. Why are we still wasting out time in Iraq and so adamant about staying there and "finishing the job" when there is a human tragedy that needs immediate attention? Hmm... What is the barrier stopping this genocides extermination? Logic serves no purpose in answering this question. I just hope someone can figure it out and do something valid and efficient. I can make my donations, spread awareness, but world leaders are the ones who are really going to stop this. Let's make them wish they had done it earlier. Let us be in their face. I know that to some of you this doesn't seem important because it doesn't affect you directly. But think of this: we are all one. From the first humans until now, we are all connected in some way. These are our brothers and sisters and grandmothers and fathers dying over there. Save them.

Saying Goodnight. A Trip to the Stars

2007-07-11T23:58:00.000-07:00

It is so funny the timing of me coming across this story. Last night Ben and I were on our way to the gym and I mentioned something about how it seems as though anyone who has fame and success is either eccentric, crazy, or both. The first person who popped in my head, and probably yours, too, was Tom Cruise. What a FA-REAK!!! I said to Ben, “You know, every time I see Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes together at big events and things, all I can picture is that she is wearing a belt with a built in shock device under her clothes and that Tom is hiding the remote in his pocket.
See what I mean. Look at where his hand is. And Katie's half-witted smile tells me that this notion may not be far from the truth. He is probably zapping her at that very moment.

Anyway... back to why I brought this up in the first place. Unlike the terribly boring Britney story I blogged about yesterday I think it was, this story actually had some meat to it. Something I could gnaw(that is a technical term) on while I dream tonight.

Our buddy, Tom is a freakazoid to say the least. And, before you go and blame it on the lens flare and all the fame and success, because we know how stressful it is to have your bank account get below a quadrillion dollars, think about the fact that this dude has been practicing in a bizarre cult for a few years. Someone else I know studies Scientology, also. I won't say anything out of respect for this person. But They are quite the eccentric, some may say, crazy character also. But not anywhere close to the crazy-choke-miss-Operah-on-her-own-show-during-prime-time-television-crazy, so don't worry.

Out friend, Tommy, as I am reading, was going to be banned from filming in Germany because of his so called "religious" beliefs. The U.S State Department said that Germany, if officials followed through on their ban, would be committing employment discrimination against scientologists. They backed down, but only by keeping their loopholes in place so they could still say, “Sorry, Crazy, you scare us... go away".

Germany has some bad tiffs with Tom Cruise. Even its own citizens boycotted the Mission: Impossible because of his wacko beliefs. I am sorry. I didn't mean to say "wacko". What I meant to say(maybe this being more PC)his questionable and controversial beliefs cause quite a stir.

People take religion, specifically the one they follow, very seriously. More times than not they take it gravely serious. People in the middle east are dying because of religious disagreements. Quite frankly, I don't want to get into all of this right now. I will save it for another day. Just know this: I believe that we are all searching for the truth. We weren't greeted by God when we slugged out of our mothers' vaginal canal, so how the fuck are we all supposed to have it all figured out. And how can people be so arrogant to think that THEY are the ones with every answer to every question about God that was ever asked or will be asked? It baffles me. BUT!!! For another day... very soon.

And this was Saying Goodnight. A Trip to the Stars

To Haters: I love you, too.

2007-07-11T17:37:00.000-07:00

So, my video went up on Randy Blue Tuesday. I know you are probably getting sick of hearing about this. But I just have a couple things to say.

The video and pictures spread around to different blogs and people left their comments on what they thought about it on these blogs. Some of the comments made me blush with happiness while others almost made me cry. I am not going to reiterate the nasty comments, because that is just adding fuel to the fire. I got through with reading these comments and I had a stir of emotions. Mostly, I felt bad. But, then like a wave of clarity, I began to have an epitome; a flood of realization. If people are taking enough time and effort to talk smack, then I must have done something right. People who are eccentric, beautiful, different, intriguing, successful, and give people something to talk about usually do receive just that: people talking. I am quite flattered. I didn't expect to see such a stir from people. Now, I know it wasn't some huge epic wave of interest, but it isn't a bad start I say.

With that said, I continue to my next topic. Haters: you are putting me in a better position for fame and success, so keep talking shit. Keep the clever(and I do mean clever. "Clay Aiken's little sister","Brent Corrigan's 12 year old brother","The little girl from Halloween 4"{that was probably my favorite one},” too chubby to be a twink","a rabbit","tweezed eyebrows and make-up... barf!!"{for the record: I do not pluck my eyebrows, if you would prefer me to look like Burt or Ernie, say so and I will glob some Rogaine on my forehead}.) comments coming. To the people who stated their appreciation: thanks so much. I am here to entertain you. If I pleased someone, then I accomplished my goal. And, from the surge of fan mail I received so far, I would say I did well over accomplish my goal.

Thank you all for the love and support. Thank you all for the shit talk, it makes me laugh, and that is a rare feet to achieve. I have a sick, and I do mean SICK sense of humor.

Love always, B

Leave her alone!!! More Britney hating news

2007-07-10T14:01:00.000-07:00

I am so sick of people bashing celebrities and trying to pry into their lives. I recently read something on TMZ.com about miss Britney Spears that made me sort of angry. Basically, they took up some wasted space on the internet just to tell everyone that she was at a gas station and that she was wearing no bra and an ammo belt. Who the fuck cares? I know. Fat ugly bitches who want to feel better about their nasty selves by trashing people who thy know look, sound, and dress better than them.
Get over it, people. So, Britney is human. OH NO!!! Did I let out the big secret? Let's face it, we all want celebrity dirt once in a while. America loves scandal. People love it so much, even that they will go after fake scandal, created by retarded journalists who really are lazy in scouting out the real dirt about celebrities. I love to read about real dirt. This article is, sadly, fake dirt. It is like when you order something online and it gets to you and it is made out of cheap plastic instead of glass like they said it was. Sorry. I am reminiscing about the onch I orders online. Not that their jewelry isn't amazing and beautiful. It just wasn't what I expected. Just like people who read the tabloids. When we read the words,” EXCLUSIVE" and "BREAKING NEWS" we expect to find something with a little more poise and written with a little more canny style. Britney Spears stopping at a gas station to piss is not news. She has done it many a time. Remember the infamous photo of her walking out of a public restroom barefoot? Even that, in all its witty paparazzi glamour, was more astute than this terrible story. One story that actually has some meat to it is the story about Nicole being pregnant.
Not only is she pregnant, but she is going to trial tomorrow, July 11th for DUI charges. No judge is going to send a pregnant woman to jail. Smart move, Nicole. Why didn't Paris think of that? What will probably happen is this: Nicole will be sentenced and the day she is fit and able to go to jail, she will. But, while she is pregnant, I am sure the judge will delay her punishment.
That is a good story. That is a juicy one. The latter Britney "story" was kind of lame. What is it about people, specifically Americans, that make them feel the need to feed off of every little squirt of life that celebrities bust out with? So, people get pregnant. People go to grocery stores. People wear ugly clothing when they are on road trips. Give it a fucking break. I am happy and grateful to be living in such a colorful society, but for god sakes! I have met lots of celebrities and I will tell you this: they are no different than you or I. They breath the same air you do. They eat the same food you do and their shit still smells horrible. Not that I know from experience, but it is a fact. I think the only people who really think of celebrities as gods are those who have low self esteem and those people whose minds are closed off to thinking for themselves. Ergo, the media tells them that celebrities are untouchable beings from another planet, and people believe it! Wake up. This is life. We all breath, eat, shit and die. That is just reality. There is no such thing as celebreality and REAL reality. It is all the same.

Ok! that was my little venting time for the day. Hope it fed your appetites. Stay tuned for dessert!

Proof this shit actually works!!!

2007-07-09T19:13:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if any of you remember this, but a few weeks back I created a "Wish Board". It was a collage filled with all the things I wanted to attract into my life. Well, it has only been a couple weeks since I made that and already things are looking up. Tomorrow my video for Randy Blue debuts, which means more interviews and web reviews. I am adding that to my resume and higher paying jobs are lining up for me. My website is going up soon. I am actually, as I type this, sketching out my blog layout. I have someone right now who I am getting to know very well, and what I am noticing is that this person may become the love that I have been searching for. Maybe not, but hey, this is something I didn't have a month ago is it? Life is not some remote destination somewhere. It is here. It is now. I do not like; err; I detest the phrase,"Thing take Time". ?Como se dice: BULLSHIT? I am not saying that "Rome was built in a day". But what I am saying is that it could have been. Call me a crazy new-age lunatic if you like, but look at how far this has taken me. You cannot justify your accusations with the evidence. The evidence is so strongly affirmative to everything I believe, it is kind of hard not to stop and think that maybe I am right. So, anyway.. a little picture for inspiration. I have been looking at this necklace for months and months wanting to have it. I finally have it. I posted a picture of the necklace on my wish board a few weeks ago. Now I have it. Here is a picture of me wearing it.

Now, I know this isn't all that awe inspiring, jaw dropping, or much of something to stir up feelings of an epitomy, but it was just a little test. I am going to try and take pictures of all the material things I wanted on that board and post those. And Whenever I get a large collection of interviews and web mentions, I will be sure and let you know all of that also, just to prove that my way of thinking is not scewed, flawed, crazed, or battered. It is whole and it is a determinent force to what I have in my life and what I will acquire in my life in the near future. Goodnight, peeps.

Love always, B

America's Evolving Mind.

2007-07-08T12:13:00.000-07:00

So, mark your calenders, people. I have two things to tell you that are happening on Tuesday. One, of course is my Randy Blue Video Debut. The other is Bravo Network is going to show highlights of the GAYVN hosting experience of Kathy Griffin!

Let me just say this: First of all, Kathy was fucking hilarious during the GAYVN show. I loved her all along, but that night she proved herself to be everything I expected and more. I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the GAYVN awards show in February at the Castro Theatre in San Fransisco. It was an experience I am not soon to forget. Of course, nobody knew who I was and I didn't really know anyone there, either. It was just a peek into what I am to expect coming my way next year. Maybe they will hold the awards someplace cool like Las Vegas or New York City or maybe even San Diego. Anyway, it was a great time.

Let me talk about American society for a minute. We are, slowly but surely evolving into people who can actually think. I know, the evidence is overwhelmingly against that notion, but hear me out. In the eighties and nineties Madonna was persecuted for her take on sexuality. Her music video, "Justify My Love", was banned in the U.S. and mothers told their daighters that Madonna was the epitomy of sin.

Now, look at her. She has literally taken over the fucking globe with her inovative art and music. She opened the door for sexuality to be not only ok, but encouraged in the media. I think the only people who really have a problem with it are those who know nothing about it. They see someone beautiful having a good time and expressing their sexuality in an open and honest way and they get jealous, scared, or plain just don't know how to take it.

Look at America at the time when Madonna's video was banned and now look at where we are today. No more than 15 years later a major television network is broadcasting segments from a Gay porn awards show. Amazing. Simply amazing. The human mind is a powerful thing. It is powerful because it can grow and mold and become something different. America's mind is at potential right now, if we allow it to, to become the most powerful intilectual, artistic, creative power on the planet. We are slowly progressing forward. I am looking forward to the day when people are truly FREE in the "land of the free". Where people can create art and lifestyle freely and with great expression.

Yes, this summer is going to be the summer of change. Another thing I just thought about... Jeffree Star is going to have his own reality show, also. America is more advanced than I thought! The creators of "Wife, Mom, Bounty hunter" and "Torri and Dean: Inn Love" have taken Jeffree on as their new project. I can't wait. I have been a fan of his for a while now.

So, that is what I think people!!!

NOTES TO THE READERS:::
Make sure you flip on that fucking TV and turn it to Bravo Tuesday. Tune in at 10, 9 central.
PLUS!!!!! go to Randyblue.com on tuesday and watch my video. It is sure to make your mouth water!

Randy Blue Video Debut on Tuesday, 7/10/2007

2007-07-06T21:31:00.000-07:00

July 10th, 2007!!!
Hey guys. So, it is finally here! The video I shot with Randy Blue. I am so excited for everyone to see it. It is going to be amazing. I want you all to bombard that fucking website and watch that video! I want to know what you all think of it, also. I am so excited. I hope you are, too!!!

Blair Mason's Randy Blue Debut

Laguna Beach on 4th of July

2007-07-05T17:15:00.000-07:00

So. I went down to Laguna Beach for the Fourth of July and had a blast.In spite of the drunken mishaps and near drowning experiences, I had fun. We hung out on the beach on the third and then on the fourth we went back down to the beach where every fag from Los Angeles to New York was baking in the sun. I saw so man y people I had met from here or there. It was fun fun fun in the sun!!! The funnest part was watching all these stupid ass queens get plowed over by the surf. Granted, one of those stupid ass queens was me a few times. Nevertheless, it was still fucking hilarious. So, by the time I got sober enough to walk back to the car and go back to the house, i was exhausted and didn't want to do anything but sleep. I got a great tan. Didn't see any fireworks, but I got a great tan! Haha. So, tonight my friend and I are hitting up Tigerheat before I take off back to Vegas tomorrow afternoon. I must say, this was a much needed vacation from Sin City. It is funny. Now that I live there, everyone seems to go there for vacation. I try and get out of there as much as possible. Not that the lights and glamour aren't amazing, but Las Vegas is not someplace that is super trendy. I feel like I am a super trendy guy and Los Angeles is the place to be for me. I love it here. Everyone keeps telling me to move here. I don't know. I think I will someday very soon, but for now, Las Vegas is just starting to feel like home. We will see. Until then, I will keep coming to LA and having amazing memories and stories to tell. I am going to take pictures tonight. Or, maybe I will just follow the photographer around and make him take pictures of me. Tigerheat has a website, they post all the pictures up there. So, since I am in love with the camera and the camera loves me, I think I will let it do all the work and I will just look cute and adorable. Hehe. Peace!!! Tell me some of your Fourth of Jul stories. email me at blairxblair@aol.com I love hearing stories. I might post some. MUAHZIES!!!!

I am such a ditz!!! / Limitless ATM

2007-07-01T11:24:00.000-07:00

So, I woke up this morning and got ready for my trip to LA. I got all packed up all I had to do was run down to the bank and take out the rest of my rent money. I got down there and everything was fine. I took out my cash, got my receipt and then my phone rang. It was my friend. He called to tell me he was waiting outside my house. I was flustered because I felt bad that he would have to wait for me to ride my happy ass back to the house. I got so wired up with anxiety that I forgot the last step in the ATM process... TO HIT THE RETURN CARD BUTTON!!!! Wow. I am dumb. So, I didn't even realize this until I was about to buy a book in the bookstore. I was just about to get the book and I looked in my wallet and my card was gone! I was like, "SHIT! SHIT FUCKING SHIT!!!"... the sales clerk, a gentle old man said, in a kind voice yet hinting-towards-condescending-sarcasm voice, "Did you forget something?"... "I'm such an idiot! YES! I left my card in the ATM!"..."I guess you're not getting the book?"..."No. Sorry".

These are the moments in my life when I am grateful the universe has stirred up the mediocre, and just a tad bit disappointed that it wasn't in a more joyful manner. I surprise myself everyday. Sometimes for the good. Sometimes for the bad. Sometimes for just the pure comedy that I need to kick start my day.

I have a piping question that just came to me. What would you do if you had an ATM card with no limit on it? What if when you used this card it drew out from the supply of the entire universe? What would you do? Would you change your life? Would you change the world? Would you change the galaxy? Would you change the universe? I want people to think about this. I want you to think about this. Money is only an imaginary concept. There is no limit to how much money we can have or make. We are all one on this earth. Why then is it a necessity to need money to save ourselves? We need money to feed ourselves while others starve. There is no limit to food. We need money to come up with cures for disease. There is no limit to money and yet we are limiting ourselves by requiring it to help ourselves. It makes no bit of sense to me at all. Why can't human kind find a reasonable solution to our problems without limiting ourselves in the process? It is kind of upsetting to think about. And, it is also exciting to think about. If people could completely wrap their minds around this concept, our world would surely be a more perfect place to live. Animals do not limit their kingdom by creating pyramids of power. They know no reason to limit their food supply, limit their solutions for evolution, or limit themselves in their living situations. Why are we, the most advanced beings the world has ever seen, not advanced enough to simplify life for ourselves? We purposely make life difficult for ourselves and everyone under, above, and around us. We only live for a short time. Everyone knows this and yet we make life a pandemonium of hurt and despair, convincing babies and children that happiness is deserved, bought, or given to you. We have been conditioned to think that joy, security, happiness and wellbeing is something we have to work for. Happiness is not a privilege, people. It is a basic human right. Well being has no place in the realm of opportunity or possibility based on your own meager merit. It is something we are born to have and achieve at all cost. That cost should be low and easy to attain. Society has tainted that also, telling us that well being is only for those who work their ass off and sacrifice a little more than they are willing to sacrifice. This entire concept is absolute ludicrous. I don't know where living became something one had to pay for. I don't know why this fault in human history took place. I guess greed got the best of someone one day and he passed on his way of thinking down the ages until now, where we are, limiting ourselves for the sake of capitalism. We are here to create. We are little gods. What on earth are we creating here? A place to harvest pain and guilt and pressure and despair along with greed, lust, anxiety and morbid death. I wish that someone would here my words and think. If you just but think about these concepts I am pointing out to you, the revolution will begin. It is my hope.

Sorry if that was too deep, but sometimes I can't help but share my deep thoughts and feelings with you all. I know you all appreciate it and that is why I will continue to do so. Thank you. Now, go and THINK!!

Because it was Regina, it made it ok

2007-07-01T01:36:00.000-07:00

So, I love to sing. I know, shocking thought, right?! Anyone who knows me knows that singing is one of the things you couldn't make me quit doing even if it meant I would sit in jail forever for doing it. This morning was a manifestation of this love of mine. I was very busy doing random, yet vald and important things and I needed something to keep my right brain happy while my left brain was hard at work. Or is it the other way around? I can't recall at the moment it is 1:37am. Be thankful I am taking the time to post this nonsense. Just kidding. Any hoot. I was in the mood for something saultry yet bitter yet sweet yet suttle. I was in the mood for Regina Spektor. I started with the stecatto strings of Fidelity and didn't stop singing my lungs out until the sweet piano and music box of 20 Years of Snow. Tonight before I went in the shower my roommate said, "Were you jamming out to some Regina Spektor this morning? I had to close my door because you were singin so loud, then I realized it was Regina, and it made it all ok". I thought it was cute that a butch straight man would be so eager to tell me about his love for Regina Spektor, a mellow singer whose songs make a tiny bit of sense when they aren't about chopping of Samson's hair or carrying on about all of those "That Times" we are all to familiar about. Speaking of which, I am off to make some "that times" tomorrow. Maybe I will write a song about it like miss Regina did. Anyway, if you have never heard her before here is a little sampler for you. Enjoy!!!

That is such a fun song it reminds me of summer time and making memories with friends.

This is the most beautiful love song I have ever heard in my life. I remember having relationships that I had to keep secret. They soon died and nobody even knew how happy it was or ould have been. Nobody ever mentioned it and all I have are the memories from it. This song relates to me so much.

4th of July Plans

2007-06-30T12:44:00.000-07:00

So, I am coming to realize this is maybe going to be a milestone marker in my life: 4th of July, 2007. I have accomplished so much in the last year. I remember telling all of my friends last year on fourth of july that I would be in LA soon and that I would be living my dreams by this time next year. Well, here I am and I made it happen. I am so proud of how far I have come from corn fields and small towns. this year I am going to be in Los Angeles for the fourth of July. I am so excited. I was worried I was going to have to spend it by my lonesome, but thank god for friends. I am excited. I will take some pictures of the fireworks display, whichever one we happen to go to. So, that is about it!! Peace!!

One has to do what one has to do.

2007-06-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

So. As you all know, I am pretty new to the whole adult star scene. I am trying to build my name and status up just like the next guy. I know that some may look at me and think I have a glamorous life. I do, but it isn't the kind of glamour one may envision. I am going to tell you all a secret. Well, I suppose it isn't a secret after I tell you. Here goes. I have been working at a grocery store for about a week. The only reason I took the job was so that I could occupy my time and have some extra cash coming in. I hated working there. I say hate in the past tesne because today I quit. Yes. This is the first time ever that I have quit a job without having another one lined up already. I hated working there. I was a courtesy clerk and all I did everyday was bag groceries, sweep the store, take in carts and stupid shit like that. I am 19 fucking years old. I do not need that. I can and ill find something more fun to occupy my time with. I have been thinking about starting a band and starting to paint again. I could make ill money from painting. I am really good. So, the reason I am telling you all this is because I have a special purpose for it. I always have a hidden agenda when I am posting these entrees. Sometimes I want to share what I learned. Sometimes I want to make you think. Today though, I want to give advice. Life is so fucking short, right? The time we are alotted on this planet is so minimal. We only have a few short years to make an impact on this planet and on human kind as a whole. Working at a dead end job is not an option for people who have big plans. You don't have to put up with it. You can find any kind of job that you want. You do not have to settle for a shitty minimum wage job that you hate. I have come to realize that if we only have so much time on this earth, I want to make the most of it. Always. There is no such thing as temporary for me anymore. I will not; I refuse to settle because, "Oh, well... it's just tempoerary". Temporary is a myth. All that word means is that you are being lazy and stopping for a break in the middle of the journey. You have someplace to be! You or I do not have time to take breaks or rest. I have something amazing and huge to achieve. Nothing is going to slow me down. I must always puh forward. Working at a grocery store is not going to do that for me. I don't think of it so much as quitting as I do getting out of a firey furnace that was burning me to ashes day by day. I escaped, I didn't quit. Quitting infers that there was a goal in mind that you gave up on. What was my goal at the store? Nothing. I had no goals there. I didn't care about the store or how it looked. I didn't benifit at all from working there except maybe that I learned this profound lesson about life being too short to be mundane and pointless. So. My advice to you who are doing something you hate and know that you need to move on: do it! Move on while you still can. You are not a bad person for following your heart and dreams. When you do, everything will work out in the end. Think of it as letting go so you can grab on to what you really want.

Things I miss. Like the desert misses the rain.

2007-06-28T13:51:00.000-07:00

Ok. So Las Vegas isn’t a tropical oasis of plenty. Where I am from there was more than enough water so that we could have water balloon fights and play in the sprinkler when it was hot outside. Here in Las Vegas we do not waste water. Another thing I miss is Vernor's. All it is is Ginger Ale. But, it is so sweet and delicious. It is good with vanilla ice cream blended together. It is quite embarassing when I go someplace and eat and ask if they have Vernors and they ask "What the hell is that?". Then I say with my deer-in-headlights look,"It is a kind of POP!". Then they ask me again, even more dumbfounded," And what in the world is pop?"

See, living in Las Vegas is like living in a foreign country for me. I am from the north and everything is so different up there. I did not realize this, but people from Michigan have accents. I don't think I have a srong one, but when I went home it became apparant to me that people there really do have an accent. It was strange.

Another thing I kind of miss about Michigan are the lakes. I love to swim. Going to the beach was my favorite thing to do. Now, here in Las Vegas the only lake we have is Lake Mead. It scares me to go because I would get all burnt from the su and probably get skin cancer. That is not attractive. So, I stay inside most of the day and try and kep cool. Plus, I have no pool in the back which really sucks ass. I really hate where I am living right now. I live in this huge house with roommates. I don't know half of them and they always steal my plates and spoons and drink my ginger ale. GRR!! I can't tan outside either. Not that I would dare take the risk here, but it is something I liked to do.

So. Being in Las Vegas is a strange transition from living in Michigan my entire life. I do not miss Michigan at all, just a few things that are in Michigan.

I do miss the rain.

Movies... Shortbus

2007-06-28T00:46:00.000-07:00

So! Being the weirdo that I claim to be with every ounce of pride and dignity I have, yet again, added a new oddball treasure to my trunk. Shortbus a film by John Cameron, is that treasure.

ABOUT THE FILM

John Cameron Mitchell’s SHORTBUS explores the lives of several emotionally challenged characters as they navigate the comic and tragic intersections between love and sex in and around a modern-day underground salon. A sex therapist who has never had an orgasm, a dominatrix who is unable to connect, a gay couple who are deciding whether to open up their relationship, and the people who weave in and out of their lives, all converge on a weekly gathering called Shortbus: a mad nexus of art, music, politics and polysexual carnality. Set in a post-9/11, Bush-exhausted New York City, SHORTBUS tells its story with sexual frankness, suggesting new ways to reconcile questions of the mind, pleasures of the flesh and imperatives of the heart. ::{From the official website}::

What did I think of the movie? I thought it was heart invoking. I honestly saw past the erections and tits and saw the deeper meaning that echoed throughout the entire film. It made me realize a few things about myself that I had not known. One of which happens to be just how uptight I had grown up to be about sex. It is just sex, people. I do not understand why such a beautiful and all-be-it necessary facet of human kind has been tainted and trashed and turned into tabboo. It took me a long time to be able to trust someone enough to let them give me an orgasm. It wasn't until I started turning sex into a fun game that is lighthearted and inocent that I began to open up and express myself to my full potential sexually. When I first started having sex I thought I was a slut. Granted, I flaunted my slutiness like a rainbow flag at a gay pride parade, but nonetheless, it was still tabboo in my mind. I could talk about it, sing about it, think about it and read and write about it. But, when it came down to that pivitol moment when I was to surrender and have fun, I turned it into a chore. I made it into an overwhelmingly emotional experience. Sex has to have some emotion, yes, but I had it all messed up. I always acted like I was at a funeral or that it was the last fuck I would ever have, like a last meal for prison inmates on death row. I felt like a prisoner, a criminal. Then, magically someone along the road taught me that sex was not an emotional tug of war or a race to the finish line. They tought me that sex is a playful, childlike dance between two people that love each other. Now, the type of love I am referring to is the kind of love that we all share as part of a global society. Sex is something shared between people who love each other because they are there, together, as people of the earth basically. You have love for your own kind is what I am saying and in sex, that love is intesified and able to be expressed through a very good receptical act.

In this movie a sex therapist is having issues with her climax capabilities. More specifically, her lack of those capabilities. I began to relate to her as soon as I found out what she was trying to overcome. See... an orgasm is a very delicate plant. You want to be gentle with it at first. You want to water it a little bit and touch it softly. You need to give it a chance to let it grow. You cannot chop it off and build a log cabin out of it in the beginning. You are just going to realize you killed a perfectly healthy and beautiful potential and need to start all over again. Sexual experimentation is the only way to help your tree grow tall and strong. It is all about progress and development. I used to be so timid about sex that it would take me hours to get off. Now I can spray myself in the face on command. Sorry to be so exclicit. But did you forget whose blog you are reading?

Needless to say, I related to the latter character. The others I didn't so much. Not that I couldn't learn from them or understand(somewhat.. most of what... a little what) what was going on, but I could not place myself in the others' shoes and feel like they were my own. I couldn't realate to the gay couple or the gay model. I think that is just a slap in the face for stereotypes. Sorry, off on a trailing thought for a moment. I'm back now. So, this film really touched me. Or did I touch myself? Or did a buddy touch me? Or did he touch himself? What was I talking about? Oh yes! I am an emotional sponge. I soak up whatever people are throwing out there and it becomes me for a while until someone squeezes me the right way and it all seeps out. Maybe that conjured up some awful images. Maybe some pleasure invoking ones. I don't know. Either way, this is the seepage. I soaked up every drop of this film and in the following few days I will be thinking about it and projecting the ambience of it. Hopefully it doesn't get me into too much trouble.( haha )

So. There was my shortanalysis of Shortbus. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! If you have not seen this yet, go buy it. You cannot rent it anywhere I don't think and there are no freeby sites that is has leaked to. So, go ahead, be old fashioned just this once. It is so worth it! :::Buy, watch and enjoy:::

New site going up!!!

2007-06-27T10:25:00.000-07:00

Hey guys and gals. Sometime in the very near future I am going to have my personal website up. I cannot wait for you all to see it. It will be very intricate and very modern. I am going to be in the creative process for a few days or weeks and it should be launched by mid-july at the earliest. Beginning of August at the very latest. So... I will surely let you know when all of this conspires. I will still keep this going on a regular basis, too.

PEACE!!!

Love,B

Rethinking my views.

2007-06-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

So, It has been a little while since talking about my stance on testing in the industry. The reason being is that I am having one reality check after another. I feel like I need to be honest here, in my diary as it is, about how I feel and what I am thinking regardless if I have to explain myself later. Now is the time when I have to explain myself. I have said time and time again that I will only work for studios who test their models. I want to clear this up right now before some of you call me a hypocrite. I recently, as I said, shot a movie with Channel 1 Releasing. They do not require test results from their models and this made me nervous and reluctant at first about working with them. I talked with Chi Chi Larue and she said something to me that made me stop and think about my stand. She told me that I have to concider everyone I work with to be positive. Using a condom is the safest way to ensure my safety. HIV tests, as I have come to find out, are not 100% accurate in detecting the virus if it is dormant or contracted recently. By recently I am talking about a six month period. This is to say that you cannot trust a test result. Having sex with a condom eliminates some worry and angst. Yes, condoms break. Yes, condoms can be faulty. But, they are the first and most important safety measure one can take working in the adult industry. The thing I need to do as a responsible adult actor is to make sure that I get tested on my own in a scheduled manner. I personally get tested every 60 days regardless if I know I have an upoming job or not. That is what I need to do to take responsible measures towards ensuring the safest possible work environment for my fellow co-actors as well as a healthy life for myself.

I will say this right here and now. I do not believe in being political. I do not believe that keeping everyone in the dark about your knowledge, shortcomings, progress and whatever other basic human characteristic you tend to project to the world. I am honest and forthright. I have learned new things and changed my personal views about a very serious issue. This does not make me a hypocrite. This makes me a student of life. If you cannot learn and be taught, then frankly, you are useless to society and to yourself. I am learning new things each and every waking moment of my life. This is my diary; my space to share what I have learned or unlearned. This is more than a blog. This is a place where you can know who I am. I want to reach out to you and pull you into my intricate world. We are all connected, so I have nothing to hide here. Welcome to my Diary.

Fischerspooner

2007-06-25T17:53:00.000-07:00

So. One thing I love about traveling, seeing new places, meeting new people, and discovering the world is the finding new art. I was recently introduced to this amazing band, Fischerspooner. I don't like the words strange, bizzarre, wierd, or scary when describing art. But, if anyone knows me, they know that I constantly make exceptions to my own rules if I feel it would make life easier or evolve me further. So, here is one of those times. I will call Fischerspooner bizzarre. I am careful to say they are strange. I dive deep and say blatently and joyfully that they are edgy, stylish, and blissfully abstract. What they do is they take an emotion and turn it into color, dance, costume, and style. I must say that, in my opinion their music lacks where their videos thrive. Nonetheless, they are superbly entertaining and equally bland defying. I think what turns me on most about Fischerspooner is the fact that their lead singer is hot. I am a sucker for hot boys and beautiful women. I think we all are. Why else would we all have an infatuation with Ms. Paris Hilton or Ashton Kutcher? Anyway... I never leave you in the dark about what I am really talking about... so, here they are: Fischerspooner!

I hope you all enjoy them as much as I have!!!

That's a Wrap!

2007-06-22T19:26:00.000-07:00

So, today I finished the diologue scenes. It was fun. I got all dressed up like a punk and then I dressed up as a baseball player. I felt so fucking sexy. So, This shoot was so fun. There were so many cool people on set. The boys I worked with were some of the most beautiful boys I have ever worked with. I have so many great memories to take with me. Some of which include the numerous nicknames I had on set. Most of them were because of my crazy hair. I was called Prince Charming, Sanjaya, Sex God, Nipples... hmm.. I think that is it. The last two names came from our fabulous make-up artist, Mona. She is so fun and we had so much fun on set. Well, here is a picture of my hair today. This is why they were calling me sanjaya...

I had so much fun. The movie is set to release in a few month's time. I will let you all know when it does release so you can all go out and get your fix. To everyone at Channel 1 Releasing, thank you. Doug Jeffries: thank you so much for the opportunity. Chi Chi Larue: you are so cool and so fun. Thanks for directing us and making it the best it could have possibly been. Miss Mona: Thanks for all the fun and thank you for doing our make-up. I appreciate it very much. To all the stars I got to work with: you guys are the best. I am so glad we got to work together and make a superbly sexy scene.

To all the readers: I will be sure and get a few pics from other people who were taking pictures behind the scenes and post them. I only had my sidekick phone with me and if any of you have one, you know they do not take good pictures. I always keep my promises. I promised pics, so you will get pics. I just want to say that you are all my biggest inspiration. I love reading your mail and comments. It seriously keeps me going. So, thankk and keep reading on and posting your comments and seding me mail. I love it and I love you.

On set...

2007-06-21T17:28:00.000-07:00

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a couple days. Sorry I have had a lack of interesting things to talk about. Between super highs, I have those super lows where boredom and time for growth take over and I cannot talk about that, so I just post stupid shit just to keep you all alive a little bit. Anyway, I have tons to talk about now that I am working again.

Let us see here. So, as you all know, I went to Michigan for a few to visit. Well, I got a call when I was there from Doug Jeffries and he asked if I could come down to L.A. to be a part of his newest movie, Little Big Leagues 3: Bottom of the Ninth. Now, I have been dreaming of working for Chi Chi Larue and her affiliates for such a long time. When Doug called me, I didn't even have to think about it much and I scheduled my flight right away so I could be here for this movie. Chi Chi Larue directed the orgy scene which I was in. At first I was absolutely terrified because I have heard that she can be over-the-top. I came to find out that all over-the-top meant was that she directed in an exciting way. I love taking orders from people when I have no clue what to do. Let's face it, when it comes to sex: everyone is looking for something different. When filming a sex scene, I have no clue what the producer is looking for unless the director tells me. So, I must say that filming with Doug and Ms. Larue has been, so far, the best experience on set I have ever had.

I seriously cannot wait until it releases. I have never had an orgy before in film or in "real life". I think it was super fun and it was probably the hottest thing I have ever done. Seriously, I am going to have wet dreams about this for weeks to come. No pun intended.

So, I am really excited you guys. I hope you all are anticipating seeing this one. Tomorrow we are filming diologue and I am going to take some behind the scenes pics and tell you about all the funny stuff that happened on set. I'm not going to incriminate anyone that was there or anything like that, so don't worry. Nobody did anything superbly embarassing, well... I did some embarassing shit, but I will tell you all tomorrow night. Until then, peace bitches!!!

I want to go to Saugatuck!!!

2007-06-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

So, I heard today that Sagatuck is having gay pride in july. This is in Michigan, where I was born and raised. I really have this burning desire to go, but unfortunately my funds are kind of tight right now as I am looking for a new car and finding a new place to live and paying off my credit card and all that happy shit. I really want to go and if someone would be kind enough to pay my way, I would be so happy. I usually don't get all verklempt over things like this, but I feel that the universe is drawing me in. Maybe it is because I never knew that Sagatuck existed until today and want to pay homage since I feel bad about never going there for living there my entire life. Maybe it is because I feel like Michigan is MY territory and I need to claim it. Maybe I just don't want to fucking miss pride this year and Sagatuck will be the only place I can have my friends from the west coast and my friends from the east in one area on one day all to myself!!! Anyway, if someone could get me there, I would die of joy. MUAH!!! I know someone will pull through for me. I know how much you all love me so much!!!(*Half sarcastic, half hoping it is true*)

My Humps.... the Ballad?

2007-06-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

OK! So, I know that no more than 20 minutes ago I made an entree.. BUT.. I just saw this video and I thought it would lighten the mood after reading the previous entree about my wacko mother. CHEERS!!!

Home again.... OH NO!!!!

2007-06-18T15:51:00.000-07:00

So! My little sister graduated from high school and I traveled up to michigan for her party. All I can say is that it doesn't matter how far you come or how far you go, your family members will always look at you like a child. Other than the party being a great success, my family wasn't all too thrilled to see me. Even though I hav been away from my mother for over half a year, she didn't seem to be too excited to see me. Right now I am chilling at my best friend's house. This morning I was getting ready to go and I was trying to delay as much as possible because, quite honestly, I let my mother get to me and make me feel guilty ergo: I left her and moved to vegas. I tryed to delay as much as I could, but she was adament about making me leave. She practically pushed me out of the door with my bag of soaking wet laundry. She couldn't even wait for me to dry my clothes. Oh well, C'est La Vie. This just means that I don't have to come back for a couple years. Obviously, I thought that visiting after seven months was far too late, but apparantly I could have held out on my family for a few more months! HAHA! Oh well. I was glad to see them anyway. My sister is so pretty now. I am so proud of her. She is back to her old self again. She used to be a Jesus fanatic. Not that there is anything wrong with being dovout with your beliefs, but she changed completely and she was no fun. Now we can laugh and vent to each other about things and we aren't so detached anymore. So, that makes me happy. Now I am hanging with my friends and I didn'
t even realize how much I loved and missed them until I hung out with them today. I can depend on these people more than I could my own family members and I feel bad that I could only take one day out of this trip to see them. But, I am coming back for pride in Saugatuck, Michigan. I never even have heard of this place before, but someone told me about it. I was sad I might have not been able to go to gay pride this year, but it is looking like I am going to go after all!! YAY!! Plus it will be with my best friends in the whole world! So, that is where I have been lately. Visiting the devil and my friends in sweet home. I appreciate all the comments and emails since I have been able to ge on the net. I love all of you and I am super happy I am going back to Las Vegas. I miss the desert!!! Hahaha.

New interview on PC!

2007-06-12T20:34:00.000-07:00

I recently finished an online interview for Porn Confidential. If you ever wanted to know some deep, dark secrets of mine, you will find them in that interview.

Thanks for all the love and support from everyone who helps keep me going everyday.

MUAH!!

My favorite scene from "Knocked Up"

2007-06-11T23:27:00.000-07:00

So, I don't know if it was because I was three sheets to the wind when I watched this that it was so fucking histerical, but I have a feeling that you all will enjoy it,too. Sober or tanked!

Merry Christmas!!

Blair's Favorite quotes from "KNocked Up"

"Do you ever get mad when the baby steals your food, like 'Hey! That's mine!'... but since you're family, you share right?"

"Hey, dude. Stay here... your face looks like a vagina"

"Wanna, like, trade boyfriends?!"

"Last time I went to the bathroom I took a shit and my shit looked like a fucking stuffed animal!!!"

I feel like an ocean... {More deep thinking from the mind of Blair}

2007-06-09T13:58:00.000-07:00

As you all have probably guessed by now, I am a new-age visoinary in search for the truth. One bit of truth that I have come across and just now have started putting into practice is the Law of Attraction. What this law says is that we are all energy, essentially. Everything in this universe is nothing but energy vibrating at different frequencies. Everything thought that we have is also a vibration emitting force that goes out into the universe and comes back to us like a boomerang carrying with it items,siruations,people, and cirumstances vibrating at the same level as us. Our minds are magnents, attracting to us the things we think about. Whether it be positive or negative, if we are focusing on it, it will be manifested more in our life. Having said all of that, I have started looking online for my dream house, my dream car, my dream life. I have saved pictures of these things and I am going to make a collage and show you all exactly what I will have soon. Just to prove this, I will post my "Wish Collage" here with the pictures of the things I would like in my life, and then when they come into reality in my life, I will take REAL pictures and post them also. Now, by doing this, and telling you all that I AM going to have these things, I am indeafinately placing an order in the catalog of the universe. Like anytime you order something, you expect it will be there in due time. I am going to start speaking as if I already have these things. It has always worked for me. When I was still living in Michigan, I posted on my myspace page that I was living in Las Vegas, even though I was still in Michigan at the time. I KNEW I would be living in Nevada sooner than later and did not know how or when, but I just knew I would. Now look. I am where I said I was going to be. Another time I told all my friends that I was going to be famous one day. I did not know exactly how, and I am not there, yet. But, I am well on my way! See... affirmative speaking is not lying or being decietful. If you already know that something is going to happen in your life soon, and you speak as if it is already here, it isn't lying, it is just speaking from the voice of your future self. This is not hard to do. Believing your words is the tricky part. You just have to know that it will happen, believe it, speak as if it is already here, and by the power of the law of attraction, it will come to pass in your life. So! Enough of me rambling on and on, here is my Wish Collage.

Click the thumbnail to view the collage in full size...

Banishing Negetivity...

2007-06-07T23:54:00.000-07:00

I am quite an emotional person. I have alot of self-hatred and angst about loving myself. I grew up not having things because I was told that cheap is good. People who bought nice things were "snudes". I grew up thinking that I did not deserve anything nice. Not nice people. Not nice things. Not nice places. I was brainwashed to think that I deserved ugly, nasty people in my life. I had to buy everything cheap. That traveling to different places was silly, childish and selfish. Now, The thing that I realized a long time ago before the brainwashing became perminant is this: you cannot give if you have nothing of yourself to give. How can you be grateful for the nothingness that you give yourself? I was brought up with this mindset "Humble and meek. That is what is noble". That is what is wrong with America. Hillbilly people telling their kids that success is for the enemy. Telling their kids that the government is comprised of a bunch of pigs. This, my friends, is what is wrong with America. The Bush didn't screw us up. All he did was show us just how screwed up we really are. Anyway, back on subject here. That was my mindset growing up. Until recently I didn't let one hillbilly thought cross my mind. Today it all came back to me. Partly because my mother called. Partly because I had an awful crazy dream. Mostly because right now I am living like a damn hillbilly. I am makin it through just fine, but I have to watch my money. I have a few goals in mind and I would like to see them come to pass. Anyway, today I was feeling a bit depressed and what not. I was having a struggle between what my mother has said to me and what I know to be true. I went for a well-needed grocery shop and afterward I felt guilty. Feeling guilty for buying groceries comes from a place of lack and undeservedness. Both of which I do not cloud my mind with. But, today those feelings all rushed back to me and it made me miserable. I talked with a couple of my buddies and listened to this song by Kirk Franklin. The first time I had heard it was when I was moving all of my stuff out of my parents house. I had the last load in my car and was driving to the city to try and start my new life. I was feeling free and enslaved at the same time. I was free from childhood and a slave to adulthood. I was free from dependency and a slave to solitude. This song really made me cry. I cry everytime I hear it. The only time I ever listen to it is when something is going on inside of my soul that needs something inspiring to pull me out. Another thing that I didn't even remember until 2nite that really kickstarted me back into a place of peace was a video clip from Oprah. The clip is of the panel featured in "The Secret". Lisa Nichols, a motivational speaker, said something that absolutely amazed me. She said that you are the first example to the world on how to love you. This completely goes against the mindset of socity. Socity says to give, give, give until there is nothing left. How can I expect someone to love me more than I love myself? Another question Lisa asks. It is not fair and it is not realistic. I am now trying to find the little things about myself that I love. I am looking deep within and trying to find the things that I want to present to the world so that people can love me the way I love myself. This is not egotistical at all. It is self-respect. Knowing that you have nothing to give unless you give to yourself first will change your life forever if you follow by it.

VIEW THE OPRAH SHOW FEATURING THE SECRET PANEL INCLUDING LISA NICHOLS

Opposing Safety... {Opposing bill AB 2798}

2007-06-07T14:56:00.000-07:00

As you might know by now, I am taking a spiraling tumble into the world of porno politico. I recently discovered a bill that was brought up in 2004 that died in committee in November of 2006. The bill, AB 2798, was first proposed by Assembly Member Tim Leslie. When Mr. Leslie was termed out of office, the bill was then put into Jackie Goldberg's hands. When Ms. Goldberg was termed out of office it feel into the hands of Kevin De León. The bill has since died in committee. This bill outlined a proposal that would keep HIV/AIDS at bay in the adult entertainment industry. The reason it died was because there were no supporters on file and a lot of opposition. The opposition was absolutely ludicrous in their arguments. One opponent, of which will shock you, had this to say...(taken from an online analysis report)
The AIDS Healthcare Foundation is opposed to any
provision of law that seeks to make HIV testing mandatory and
are particularly concerned that this bill does not recognize
the reality of HIV testing. The American Civil Liberties
Union opposes mandatory testing of individuals for HIV status
based on its infringement of individual liberty and right to
privacy and states that mandatory STD testing gives a false
sense of security because someone may have been infected since
the last time he or she was tested and may be infectious
before being tested again. The Free Speech Coalition
indicates that the current testing program has shown success,
with no HIV positive results in five years until the recent
discovery of current positives. They believe that this bill
reflects a misunderstanding of several critical issues related
to the STDs specified in the bill and a lack of knowledge or
current and more efficient practices already in use within the
industry.
I agree with the fact that the bill had a few unrealistic provisions and restrictions. My question is this: is it possible to re-evaluate a bill and make recommendations to alter certain provisions so that it will be the most beneficial it can be as a whole? It is frustrating to me that the AIDS Healthcare Foundation threw out this bill based on the proposer’s lack of understanding about HIV testing. They were focusing on the messenger rather than the message itself. The ACLU stated that HIV testing gives a "false sense of security". Let me ask this: because condoms are not 100% preventative, does that mean that we should no longer use them? Let me use a scenario. Let us talk about a "false sense of security". A meta-analysis of condom effectiveness from In vivo studies by Dr. Susan Weller suggests a 31% failure rate in preventing HIV transmission. (Weller, Susan, "A Meta-Analysis of Condom Effectiveness in Reducing Sexually Transmitted HIV," Social Science and Medicine, 36:12, 1993)

"It is a disservice to encourage the belief that condoms will prevent sexual transmission of HIV."

Does this mean that condoms should be banished? After all, they do give a false sense of security. Condoms ,according to Dr. Weller's studies, are only about 69% preventative over all against contraction of HIV.

The opposition's side of the argument against such a bill like AB 2798 is weak. What shocks me most is not that someone would make such ludicrous arguments, but that the source of these statements is from a foundation whose sole purpose is AIDS prevention and awareness. One would assume that to fight against an epidemic so ruthless as AIDS, that one would have to go into unknown territory; go down avenues and clean out every crevice in the world. HIV knows no boundaries. AIDS does not care who you are. To be naive enough to think that since someone is in the adult industry that they don't have any other sexual contact is to not know the facts about life in general.

I just want to say something to the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. You are supposed to be about all human life, not just people who you feel deserve it. We are evolved creatures on this planet. Nothing should be able to stop us. Not a plague, not a droughtt, not a flood, not a hurricane, and especially not HIV/AIDS, a preventable disease that has no place in human existence. There is no reason in this universe that we should be giving an open door for our own self-destruction. Leaving the adult industry, particularly the gay market, tainted is self hatred. Even if you do not work in the industry, the mire from it will spread and human existence as we know it will be vanished for good.

HIV is not a game... listen the *#$@ up

2007-06-04T18:03:00.000-07:00

I recently had a conversation with a very good friend of mine who was thinking about working for a company that I know uses HIV+ models and who I know for sure does not test their models. This upsets me. He told me that I have to face the truth about this industry and that studios do not test their models. That is bullshit. If you are blatantly hiring models who they know are HIV+ and pair them with other models who are negative because, well, California law states that to require tests from models is an act of discrimination, then you are a push over and a murderer. What people are saying is that the law of a state is more important than the life of their models. Yet, they break the law all the time by filming without a license in certain locations. If the Law is supreme, then follow all of it, not just the parts that suite you. I don't really care about the filming license part. It is hard to always abide by that one. But testing your models for HIV? Come now people, surely if you are so freely breaking the law for your own benefit, could you not do so for the benefit(and I use this word, wishing there was a stronger one to use in place of 'Life' which I will be using a lot in this entree) of your models. It does you no good for your reputation or your quest for riches if your money-makers die. Besides from a business standpoint, let us talk about ethics. I know in this industry, the ethics pool runs pretty shallow and sparse, but on a grander scale of general humanity it is out right murder what some studios are doing. I have a rule of my own that I go by. I will not under any circumstance, for any amount of money, publicity, or exposure work with a model who I do not know of his HIV status. I get tested every 60 days regardless if I have a job or not. It is stomach churning that producers will not respect my right to know about what risk I am putting myself at. It is even more stomach churning to know that models out there know they are HIV+ and care more about getting their pay than the life of their scene partner. I am livid right now and could go on and on about different points about how this whole thing is unethical and criminal and harrowing. I have only a couple more points that I feel need to be addressed.

To the models: nobody is holding a fucking gun to your head telling you that if you don't work you will die. There is always McDonald's or Wal-Mart that is hiring. I know that producers can lie. I know that they can be deceitful about their testing policy and whether or not one exists for them. But, when a company blatantly and out right tells you "No, we do not test our models for HIV" there is no reason to work for them. I know that I am stepping on a lot of big fat toes in the industry, and I hope you are listening. Your life is far more valuable than any amount of collateral a studio gives you. That is money, fame, and recognition. If you get diagnosed with HIV is that studio going to pay for you medical bills? If you die, which isn't such a far cry for HIV+ people, is that studio going to pay for a funeral? I don't think so.

To the studios: You are dwindling down the population of our youth and old alike when you specifically and deliberately refuse or choose not to test the models that you work with. I know that tests can be faulty. But, have you ever heard of AIM? They have this brilliant technology called rapid testing. What this means is that they can test blood work for HIV in a matter of 10 minutes. It ages the blood weeks ahead so that if the blood contains antibodies for AIDS they can know right away. The reason why this is so brilliant is because usually these antibodies don't show up, naturally until weeks after exposure. There is no guessing whether someone happens to be positive or not. I know that a lot of producers like to hide behind the discrimination law that states it is illegal in the state of California to require tests from a performer. Have any of you ever heard of the amended BILL NUMBER: AB 2798 Section 25800? It states that not only can any adult entertainment company be allowed to ask for test results but that must require testing from their models prior to shooting them, by law. (by shooting, I mean filming them... for those who don't know industry terms... just for you, baby). I do not know for sure if this bill has been passed into law yet, but I think we need to get it passed.

I do not know when people started caring more about being sued than spreading HIV. Well, I do know why. Where there is a place for evil to fall, it will inevitably... Fall. These tests cost money. Getting sued costs money. Money, as we all know is what makes the porn... I mean, World go around. Producers like the make as much profit as they possibly can. That is just good business. But, when good business collides with ethics, then maybe it is time to reevaluate our strategies, hey piggies? I am not out to offend people. I am not even concerned with what people will think of me. I am more concerned with my safety and the safety of other models in this corrupted industry.

I am not completely angled out on the latter topic. If this law is not, god forbid, passed yet in the state of California, then why isn't anyone talking about it? We rally up behind our rainbow flags once a year and march around like there's no tomorrow for the civil rights of the LGBT community and yet we are lazed enough to sit back and just accept laws that forbid the allowance of a producer to look after the safety of his or her models? Now, does this make any bit of sense to anyone out there? If it does than please let us change this. We need to start fighting against ignorant government officials who couldn't care less about the safety of its citizens.

I have said a lot today. I hope it sinks in. I hope someone along the way will read this and say something about it. This is a heavy topic that I feel needs to be on the tongues of people in the industry. Just because it is heavy does not mean you cannot talk about it. The more you talk about heavy topics, the stronger the tongue gets and the more we talk, the greater chance for a change, or at least a deep and vast awareness.

Last point I want to make. There are people dying in Africa and around the globe because of this AIDS epidemic. They have done nothing to bring this upon themselves more often than not and we in the industry are going on as if nothing is going on. With great power come great responsibility. You at the top of the food chain: be responsible. You actors and models: do not insult humanity by acting foolish and adding to the problem facing our human existence on this earth. If we keep up like this, we are going to wipe ourselves out, off of this planet forever. Get tested. If you are HIV+, don't murder. Tell people that you are positive and get support. Don't take others down with you. Life is far too precious.

:::RELATED LINKS:::
project red

Bill number: AB 2798

Adult Industry Medical

Related Article

World Vision

Grocery shopping trainer application

2007-06-04T11:06:00.001-07:00

I have been living on a healthy diet of organic noodles, yogurt, protein juice, and grape nuts for a month. I haven't had such a dire need for ice cream and chocolate as I do now. Yesterday I saw someone had a chocolate pie in the fridge. I saw it in the morning and I was still thinking about it late last night. I am not the type of person to be a bitch and eat other people's food, so I opened my cupboard and saw that I had some cranberry sauce, green beens, organic fetucchini, and come moldy bread. Needless to say, I have to go grocery shopping. I hate it. Every time I go, I never remember what I wanted to buy and I wind up bringing home canned cheriies in water and some expesnvie juice that is gone in two days. Someone help me!! I need some grocery shopping training. Please send your resume to blairxblair@aol.com Thanks peeps. MUAH!
Maybe this lady can help me. Look at her and her little calculator all organized and what not. CUTe, Lady... now, take me shopping and teach me your ways, oh queen goddess of the shopping cart.

Biggest Childhood Fear

2007-06-03T22:27:00.000-07:00

We all had fears as children. Sure we were all afraid of monsters and villains of darkness, but we all had fears so great and so powerful that no image or story could hold them. One of those for me happened to be people finding out I was gay. Maybe this isn't a real threat to a kid who is surrounded by all different types of people who are as tolerant of sexual orientation as they are race and religion. In the hillbilly woods of Michigan, however, this was not a luxury I was blessed with. Ever since I was a toddler I was dressing myself up like a girl, pretending to be one of my sister's Barbie dolls. I remember I used to call myself "Elliot" and run around the house in an oversized t-shirt I thought resembles a dress and one of my mother's white doilies as a wig. One day my dad found me trying on one of my sister's dresses in my room. He beet me, of course and told me he wasn't going to raise a sissy boy. I am not telling you this for sympathy. I rather enjoy pain and didn't mind the bruises and much as I did the mental and emotional anguish that came along with it. I always asked my parents to beet me instead of yell at me. Back to the point. I never knew that there were people who would be accepting of my homosexuality, bi-curiousness, a-sexual behavior, or anything. I have to admit that my sexual tendencies would be hard to explain and understand. I didn't put forth the effort to try and understand or explain. I went about my life hiding this beast inside of me. I actually would blast my radio at night so that if I was having one of my erotic fantasy dreams and accidentally spoke out loud during sleep, people would hear me and know I was dreaming about penis. It was a very big fear of mine. Now that I am out and proud, I am still dealing with it. America has its own preconceived notions about how men should dress, what they should eat and drink, how they should speak, and what they should fuck. My parents were the same way. Being bisexual, I think it was easier to date girls in high school and let everyone think I was straight, including my parents. Their whole perspective changed when my mom of all people worked up the courage to ask me if I was gay. I remember it distinctly. I had just come from working at summer camp where I learned all about myself and who I was as a person. I did not have to hide anything there because everyone knew I was gay and welcomed it. When I came back home, apparently according to my stepfather, I looked real gay. My hair was blonde from being in the sun all the time, I had a pierced ear and my mannerisms changed. My mom obviously always knew as well as everyone else. When you live with someone who sings out loud to every Mariah Carey album known to man and sees him hang around a bunch of fag hags, and ONLY fag hags all through school, seeing him in the school plays, you have to start asking the questions ,"Is he gay?" and "Will I still love him if he is?". I told my mom that I was Bi, which happened to be true that day. She asked if I used protection. I said always. All of my parents( I say all because I have 5 of them) and siblings know now, and it is such a relief. My Biggest fear growing up has come to pass, and now it doesn't scare me at all anymore. Now, I can't imagine not being out. The idea of hiding my sexuality is so foreign to me now. I hope that anyone who reads this and has trouble coming out to their family to please email me. I am here for support and encouragement. Or, if you have an interesting coming out story, I would love to hear it. Or if you would like to tell me about your biggest fear as a child. I love people because they all have a story to tell. We are all in this together.

Depressed? Hung Over? Mad? I have a solution...

2007-06-02T22:18:00.000-07:00

Get off your ass and mow the grass! And I don't mean to smoke it, either. It is a scientific fact that exercise or any other active activity boosts endorphins in the brain. What endorphins do is they act as our bodies' own natural morphine. They bring pleasure. It is funny, now that I think about it, this is the reason why I laugh when fall and scrape my knees, or any kind of physical pain really. We can get addicted to emotions very easily. All emotions are consist of are chemicals. They are actually called neurotransmitters. The reason they are called that is because they transmit signals to your nervous system. Anyway, endorphins could be just as easily addicting as cigarettes or coffee. If you are doing something healthy that brings a rush of these chemicals to your body, I say go for it, lavish your addictive self. This is why people say things like, "I am a sex addict" or "I can't stop going to the gym" and "I am such a giggle box, all day I laugh and enjoy myself". I'm not saying that you should be laughing while having sex, or having sex at the gym (though I would give you props for filling out one of my fantasies). I am also not saying that you shouldn't. That's not the point, the point is this: physical exercise, whether it be working on your abs while watching Austin Powers, or banging the Saturday night trick, or even pumping iron, you are creating for yourself an escape to a happy place. The great thing about this place, is that the more you visit it, the less distance you have to travel back to reality, until one day, the happy place becomes reality. This is how I got over being depressed, how I got off cigarettes, how I stopped drinking. Exercise, people. Especially at those times when everything is crashing down around you. Those are the times when you need to be taking care of yourself. It will help you to refocus and to train your energy towards finding a solution instead of wallowing in woe. So, get on the treadmill or go see a funny movie. Get the endorphins flowing!!!

Amy Winehouse on the cover of...

2007-06-02T00:26:00.000-07:00

Guess who is gracing the cover of rolling stone magazine? You guessed it, none other than Ms. Amy Winehouse. I am readin the article about her right now, and it is very interesting. It says all the positive things I have been saying about her all along. She is the coolest fucking lady in the world. I love her to death. Amy, congratulations baby. We all lov you!
♥ ♥♥♥♥♥

French Fries

2007-06-01T23:50:00.000-07:00

I love languages. I love learning them, speaking them and listening to them. Here are some foreign lines for your exotic appetite. Eat up!

voule vu coche avec moi-would you like to sleep with me(French)
C'est la Vie-It is the life,"That's life"(French)
oinj-weed joint(French)
ta race-fuck you(French)
Ta gueule-shut up(French)
trucide-to beat someone(French)
GAH-term used for surpise or frustration, depending on the tone(French)
tres fabu-very fabulous(French)

"voule vu coche avec moi?"
"ta race!"

Besos!Ciao

A Peak in my mind: Lyrics to a bike ride song

2007-06-01T20:29:00.000-07:00

Creepy Black

Semi-Truck

On the side of the road

Creepy Black

Semi-Truck

On the side of the road

It's beginning to move

It's beginning to move

Its tires are beginning to move

Its tires are turning

While my eyes are burning

On the side of the road

Its tires are turning

And my eyes are burning

On the side of the road

It's following me

It's following me

It's following me

The moon shines down on us

On the side of the road

The moon shines down on us

On the side of the road

The moon shines down on its frame

The moon shines down on its frame

The moon shines down on us

On the side of the road

Flawed Perfection...

2007-05-29T16:52:00.000-07:00

What does it mean to be perfect? What is beauty? What is accaptable? What is beneficial to our social human existance? What is efficiency? It all depends on the task at hand. If you are modeling, your flaws; your uniqueness is what makes you beautiful. Beauty is hapiness and joy shining through pain. What do you want out of your social experience? Do you want attention? Maybe loud and obnoxious fits your concept of "perfection". If you like for people to think that you are meak,weak, poor then maybe wearing a black cloak and walking around with a grim face all the time fits your idea of perfection. Like beauty, perfection is in the eye of the beholder. If you have not noticed yet at this point in life, everyone is watching you. Onto another dimention of perfection: efficiency. People are what people are. We all have a strangths and weaknesses. You know the cliche, all brains and no beauty or vice versa. Well, for sake of example I will use that to make my point. Perfection is the peak of a person's efficiency. Let us take shapes and holes as a picture of this. Say there is a round hole and you are trying to fit a square peg in it. Now, if you were a child this square peg might seem to have a flaw, an imperfection, a misfit. Now, this is from a child's point of view. As an adult, we would automatically see the round hole, and know without a second thought that there was a round piece made just for that hole.(I know you pervs out there are reading this with a shit eating grin... but I am about to slap it off your face...) Now, take this idea and apply it to god. Yes, I am letting the cat out of the bag. Let us call this entity,some call god, the universe. Say this entity was looking down on all of us squares and thinking "Flaw.Imperfect.Not Good Enough.Bad.Wrong.Misfit"... remember what I said about the child mindset about pegs and holes? If the universe had any concept of imperfection it would be as if a child was running things. Now, a child's logic is underdeveloped and could never orgnize and coordinate the orbit of billions of stars and planets. The universal mind has a capacity farther from a child's logic than we could ever imagine. So, why is it fair to say that people are not perfect? Why do we need to strive for perfection? If our standards for perfection are based on perfection sake, it is,l quite literally, impossible. If we are to be perfect, or MOST EFFICIENT in all that we are and do, we need to strive to strengthen our strngths. We have no weaknesses. If we were to get rid of our "weaknesses" we would lose our shape; we would lose our form. We would never fulfill our true destiny. If you are a pentagon, sharpen your edges, don't try to sand them down. If you are a square, do not try and round off your corners. Sharpen your edges. There is no such thing as human weakness. To be flawed is to be beautiful. To be a misfit means that you are trying to fit into a place you were never meant to fit into. The bright side: there IS a place for you to fit, perfectly and with ease. I am not saying that our actions are always perfect. I am not saying that the not-so-benneficial choices we make are to be taken up and to be proud of; no. I am talking about the core of our souls. You know what I am talking about. That person who shines through the pain and misery that falls upon us sometimes. You know that person who you never lost touch with despite change, despite fear, despite despair. This person is your core, your inner child, your soul, you god-self, what ever you want to call it, it is perfect and has no flaw but perfect flaw fit for a specific place in this universe. You are perfect. Not despite your flaws, but because of them. In all actuality they are not "flaws" as much as they are corners on a peg, ridges on a key, different sized bars on a bar code. There. That is my rant. Stay tuned for my rave. ;-)

Amy Winehouse... maybe she does need Rehab?

2007-05-29T06:53:00.000-07:00

Ok, Charlotte's a creepy old bitch isn't she? Good god. Amy should have never had to share a stage with her. Shouldn't she bee yodling somewhere behind a stained glass window, anyway? I don't blame Ms. Winehoues for chugging down a few to make this horendous experience a bit less unbarable. I love Amy Winehouse. In all her drunken array of wonderful, she can still put on a great show with class and dignity. Amy Winehouse, bottoms up to you!!!

Nevertheless, I think it is a strange and pun intended coincidence that Amy's first hit single happened to be "Rehab" and you come across a video like that one with the locknest monster herself,Charlotte Church. I think Amy puts her real life into her songs and music. Obviously the girl likes her some booze. I commend her for being honest. I adore her for not changing for anyone. She has always been true to herself and her passion. Amy Winhouse, there are alot of people who love you and adore you. Keep it going, girl.

♥

Click on the big,red heart to view Amy Winehouse's Official Webpage...

Godess of the Week...

2007-05-28T22:07:00.000-07:00

I have yet another weekly venture to keep up with. This will be much easier to keep up on than my favorite guys/girls of the week... Anyway. I love mythology of all sorts from african myths to greek/roman myths. So... in light of the movie I saw today, Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End, I have arrived at my first choice of my new venture. The greek character by the name of Calypso.
Calypso (mythology)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Now he's left to pine on an island, wracked with grief" (Odyssey V): Calypso and Odysseus, by Arnold Böcklin, 1883In Greek mythology Calypso (Greek: 'Καλυψώ', 'I will conceal', also transliterated as Kalypsó or Kālypsō), was a naiad, daughter of Atlas who lived on the island of Malta. She delayed Odysseus on her island (Ogygia) for seven years. While he was there, post-Homeric sources add, she bore him a child named Nausinous. Athena asked Zeus to spare Odysseus of his torment on the island, as he wanted to go to his homeland. Zeus sent Hermes, the messenger of the Gods, to tell Calypso to release Odysseus. As Zeus was the Lord of the Gods, she was unable to refuse him, although she wished to. Odysseus eventually returned to his homeland of Ithaca, to be with his beloved wife Penelope who waited for him at home, even though Calypso had promised him immortality if he stayed. Some legends say Calypso died as a result of her grief.

Memories...

2007-05-27T23:02:00.000-07:00

So, life is a bitch sometimes. She is also a sweety pie sometimes. Tonight she was both. Life was a sweet-tart. I have been away from my friends for what seems like an eternity. I have only been away from them physically for about three months, but we started drifting apart long before then. I first met my great group of gay friends in spring of 2006. I was just coming out to everyone and becoming confortable with my sexuality. These people were more like family and supported me more than my own family. We did everything together. We would always get drunk and go to the club two and a half hours of a drive away. My friend, Eric helped me revamp my wardrobe and helped me clean up for the boys. My friend, Jeremy helped me with all the technological advances that my sheltered corn field life was deprived of. My friend, Nathan helped me pick up boys and taught me so much about what to do and not to do in relationships or during sex. These people saved me. These people brought me to the place I am now. If it were not for them, I would still be working at McDonald's, probably still living in my parents' house in dot-on-the-map, USA. To my point: I miss them. Today there were things that reminded me of all my friends. I was listening to techno music, I used some cocoa body scrub in the shower that I bought with my friend, and tons of other little things that triggered immense, intense, vivid nostelgia. It all hit me at once. It was so intense of a feeling that I found myself locked into a place in time. I could remember so many things, so many little memories: going to ge chinese food on a rainy day, watching project runway, smoking cigarettes while making hemp necklaces, partying at the appartment. These might not sound like much "fun", but it was all full of love and unity. I always knew what each one of my friends was doing at any given 10 minute incriments. They always knew what was going on with me. If something was wrong, my phone would ring off the hook. I couldn't go a day without them all knowing my business. I would usually hate anyone else doing this, but since it was people I loved more than the world, I welcomed it. There is no greater feeling in the world than for people to actually KNOW you and love you despite knowing you so well, with all of your inperfections and flaws. Anyway, I am going to sleep tonight drifting on the seas of yesterday... maybe I can revisit yesterday tonight. If I don't return, I could be happy with that.

Aw, How sweet..

2007-05-26T23:32:00.000-07:00

I love it when sweet boys do sweet things... My ne buddy from myspace editted these pics for me, and I just wanted to share them with you all... it was so nice of him

[{Click on the pictures to view them full sized on my myspace page}]
Photo art by Joel CNO

Boys and Girls of the week...

2007-05-26T17:14:00.000-07:00

OK, so I know it has been longer than a week since I have done this, but who is keeping track anyway?... SO! Here are my favorite guys and dolls of the moment.

♥Jeffree Star♥
If anyone knows me, you know I like to talk shit about people. Not to be hateful or anything, but if you are going to be in the limelight you kind of have to accept this fact. Jeffree Star holds no exception. I love him today, hate him tomorrow. Right now, I love him. He pushes the bar up a little higher each day. Though I must say, baby, you have been disapointing me lately. I never hear about you anymore unless you're in the car with my buddy. It is a rare occurance when I stay a fan after so long of nothing new coming out. Let's see something new. I still love you. MUAH!

♥Nancy Botwin and Celia Hodes from WEEDS♥
My favorite girls of the week are Nancy Botwin and Celia Hodes from the hit showtime series, "Weeds", played by Mary-Louise Parker and Elizabeth Perkins. A quick run down on why I am in love with these girls right now.
Nancy is a recently widdowed soccer mom turned MILF drug dealer. She thought she would treat herself to a new relationship. The man she fell in love with and married on a whim just so happens to be a DEA agent. In the state of CA, a husband cannot testify against his wife. Brilliant, except that she pissed him off and now he wants her to sell her entire harvest in one fowl sweep and give him every cent. Good job, Nancy!!
Celia Hodes is just as much, if not more, a bit "off the deep end". Her sit.: she wanted a stop light at an intersection where she got into an accident. She went to city council and asked. Doug Wilson decided to get under her skin real deep and blatently deny her request. Now, she ran for city council and won, kicking Doug off his seat. They HATE each other,right? But, as much as they hate each other, they hate their spouses more. For some ungodly reason they Celia thought it would be a good idea to fuck the shit out of Doug. He convinced her to leave her husband and daughter for him. The same was supposed to happen with Doug and his wife, except he is a pussy. Now, Celia lost her fuck buddy and her family. What the Hell is going to happen in season 3? I cannot wait... it is seriously driving me up the fucking wall...

So, Jeffre, Celia, Nancy... congratulations. You have beaten out a few people to get towards thr front of my mind. Cherish your time there. It is usually short lived.

The Knife Videos...

2007-05-26T00:18:00.000-07:00

I know you all appreciate my accute and somewhat bizzarre musical tastes... This band seriously pumps out some of the craziest music and video I have ever seen/heard in my life... I hope you enjoy them... if not, only as another "what the fuck" to add to your quota for the day...MUAHZ!!!

A Peak in my mind: Lyrics to a shower song..

2007-05-23T22:25:00.000-07:00

You can take me down in a book
Take me down in a book
take me down in a book
Safely from the petals
safely from flower petals
safely from rose petals
Take me down in a book

You can take me up in a tree
Take me up in a tree
Take me high in a tree
Safely from the dogs
Safely from the dogs
Safely from the dogs
Take me up in a tree

You can take me there in a cab
In a cab, a smelly cab
Driven by an arab
driven by Ali
Safely from the crooks and thieves
Safely from the crooks and thieves
Take me over in a cab

You can take me there on a ship
Take me there on a big yellow ship
With big red sails and an angel mast
Safely from my past
Safely from my past
Safely from my past
Filled with dogs and cabs
Scattered with rose petals

Imogen Heap: Hide and Seek

2007-05-22T17:09:00.000-07:00

This song has been played on my ipod 3,986 times... I have played the video 1,098 times... and I have sang this song 45,987 times in the shower and it still gives me chills when I hear it...

r-e-s-p-e-c-t... sock it to me sock it to me...

2007-05-22T15:51:00.000-07:00

My Grama firtst intoduced me to the queen while watching this timeless classic. She told me ,"Boy, you know what they call her? The queen of soul. She is a queen."

It upsets me when people ask me "who is Aretha?" WHAT?!?! If you don't know who Aretha Franklin is then you are not American. Just kidding, that was harsh, but really. You have no excuse after today.

How did I get here?

2007-05-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

I have been asked so many times by so many different people how I got into my current profession. I will tell you now that it wasn't whim decision. It was something that took alot of confusion and contemplation. It all started with the internet. I was contacted on a very
popular website and at first I did not want to do porn, but then
circumstances shifted, things fell through and I needed money. I was working two jobs at the time. I had just moved out of my parents house and into the neighboring city. Both my jobs really dicked me and took away all my hours without any warning. Funny they decided to do this the week rent was due. What does one do when he or she is between a rock and a hard place? I did not feel confortable asking my parents or anyone else for money. They had helped me out so much already and asking them for more help felt like being a vaulcher. So, I took matters into my own hands. I wanted everyone to know that I was not a child anymore and that I could make it on my own like I said I could. I had all of this anxiety when I was about to go to Las Vegas and shoot. I cried every night. Finally the day came when I would get on the plane and go. I felt at peace. I felt like I was doing what was best for me at the time. I went, did my shoot and went back home. I paid my rent and other bills. I bought some food for my empty cupboards. I felt proud of myself for what I had accomplished. Not only did I face my fears and insecurity, but I was taking care of myself. That is the greatest feeling in the world. I realized at that moment when I was taking care of my bills that it did not matter what anyone else thought about me. I was my own entity. I never thought A.) that I would ever get the opportunity to star in adult films nor B.) That I would take the opportunity if or when it ever came up. I was always the good boy growing up. I tried to stay level headed, and I still am. The only exception now is that I am a porn star now. I am still level headed. I still have goals. I still care about people. I think I care for people even more now that I have become more open and vulnerable. I feel more connected. Funny, I don't think it was 'porn' per say that did it. I think sex in general makes you more aware as a person of the people around you. I know there has to be some psychology behind that.. and I might be able to find it out and post it for all you curiosos out there.

Movies...

2007-05-19T23:42:00.000-07:00

This is the movie of the month... I went and saw Shrek 3 2nite with my friends. It had some familiar elements and some new funny ones. I loved it. It was so cute!!

I <3 Shrek!!! I <3 Donkey!!! I <3 the Gingerbreadman the best ;)

The Artist

2007-05-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

I am an artist among other things. I love making unique art that is somewhat contraversial and sometimes dark. Here is some of my art... hope you like it!! If all goes well, these will be going into an online galery where you can buy a print poster of each piece... YAY!!!

Let me know if you like this..

I love this video. We Share Our Mother's Health by The Knife

2007-05-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

The Hookah Lounge

2007-05-18T23:37:00.000-07:00

Hookah lounge
[From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia]
Jump to: navigation, search
The hookah lounge or shisha bar (in Britain and parts of Canada) is an establishment where patrons share shisha (flavored tobacco) from a communal hookah or nargile which is placed at each table.Some hookah lounges are business modeled as such from their inception. Others are cafés to which the element of hookah smoking was added later. Hookah lounges of all sorts have become popular in parts of Europe and North America in the last decade.

Characteristics
Hookah lounges are mostly found in college towns and urban areas and are regarded by some as a novel and chic way to socialize and embrace multiculturalism. Some people of Middle Eastern or Indian extraction consider them a continuation of their own cultural traditions. Orthodox Muslims and other people who do not consume alcoholic beverages may prefer hookah lounges to taverns and bars where alcohol consumption is the primary focus.

Often, hookah lounges are owned and operated by people from the Muslim world or other regions where use of the hookah is a centuries-old tradition. Some offer Middle Eastern cuisine menu items. Almost all offer what most Westerners call Turkish coffee. Many hookah lounges incorporate such elements as Islamic decor and Arabic music or Indian music.

An elderly patron of an establishent in Turkey describes the advantages of the hookah lounge as follows:

"Smoking a hooka is nothing like smoking a cigarette...cigarettes are for nervous people, competitive people, people on the run...when you smoke a hooka, you have time to think. It teaches you patience and tolerance, and gives you an appreciation of good company."

A younger customer adds:

"The important thing is not what you put in the pipe, but who is with you while you're smoking...it's a complete experience...in a cafe like this one, you find the good people, the old people, the interesting people. As long as there is a need for company and friendship, as long as people want to stop and think, there will be nargile cafes."

Typically a disposable mouthpiece is provided for each user for hygiene reasons. Hookah lounges do not typically have liquor licenses but instead derive the bulk of their revenue from sales of coffee, soft drinks and snack foods.

Some hookah lounges have well-equipped kitchens and are more akin to bistros. In the broadest sense, any restaurant or nightclub can be considered a hookah lounge if it offers patrons hookahs, shisha, and a comfortable place to smoke.

In the United States, establishments akin to hookah lounges first opened decades ago in the immigrant quarters of New York City and Los Angeles, California. Patrons were typically men of Middle Eastern descent. Now hookah lounges are widely associated with hipster culture.

They also exist in a variety of permutations including:

Chi-Cha Lounge, a trendy, Latin-themed restaurant in Washington, DC offers hookahs to its customers.
Zeeba Lounge, is a popular Persian-themed restaurant and lounge in Baltimore and provides hookah smoking to its patrons.
Mantra, an upscale French-Indian restaurant in Boston's Ladder District, also offers hookahs.
Chicago has several on Lawrence near its intersection with Milwaukee, also there is a nice lounge in Carol Stream, Illinois called Pita Paradise Hookah Lounge.
Zentra, a Chicago nightclub, offers hookahs amid techno music and belly dancers wearing body paint.
Divan, a restaurant and hookah lounge located in Atlanta, GA, offers an assortment of Mediterranean cuisine and hookahs with a variety of flavors. Divan also has great Turkish tea and Turkish coffee.
Many hookah lounges in the United States have chic or modernistic elements such as glass tables, plasma televisions and oxygen bars.
One purveyor of hookahs and shisha claims:

"It's at its largest demand ever in this country...I don't think it's going away anytime soon. There's so much more room for the product to expand. Only a small percentage of Americans know about it."

The Model

2007-05-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

Here are some pictures from my last photo shoot at fire canyon, las vegas

Copyright 2007 1R Media, LLC

This was the coolest site I ever took pictures at. It was so sexy. There were two other boys with me and we were all in our underwear standing in the desert with the sun kissing our skin. It was beautiful. I loved it

The Meaning of Good Morning...

2007-05-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

I have never woken up as happy and excited about life as I was this morning. I woke up at about 10:30am with a huge smile on me face. I tried to figure out why I felt so alive and free. Last night I went to sleep with gratitude for everything that I have and for every great thing that has been happening lately. I honestly believe that is what set me off straight this morning. I feel like I can breath and run. I feel like I can rise and soar. I feel like me again. I have not felt alive and myself for a very long time. Life has come now, but it is way overdue. I am still grateful for my life though. If you can't seem to get out of a rut of depression or anger or emptiness, look at the sun and be thankful that you can see. Touch your face and be grateful that you can feel it touching you back and that you have a face to touch. If you feel alone, call someone and go out and be thankful that maybe you might not have a world of friends, but maybe that you have a friend who would give you the world. Don't lose your sanity. Don't let anyone, I mean anyone, take your joy from you. That is the only thing that thieves and thugs cannot take from you.. don't let them have that too. It is the only thing you can keep. Have gratitude for what you have... have gratitude for the things that could be but are not. There is always something worse that could be. Finally, your hapiness is your responsibility. Your life is in your own hands. It is not anyone ele's job to make sure your right. Why would you want to give them the joy of living your life... that is our most precious gift... USE IT! Live your life. Run with your life. Talk about your life and listen back. Life is yours... take it and don't ever let go.