Ok. Still waiting on the exciting stuff to happen. In the meantime here is some candid nonsense to make you smile. Yippykayay!!!
This is a picture of my crazy ass hair. It is getting REALLY long and I am going to hold off o cutting it, because I am going to use it for Halloween. You will see... it will be fierce, child!!!
OMG!!! That video was so long ago... I can't believe what a freaking dork I was. Well... I haven't changed all that much... but I certainly don't dance like that anymore. EEK!! Please don't blackmail me!
Bored... For being a silly old sidekick™ it can take some pretty sexy pictures! Haha.
Once again my trite little habits take me down a rabbit hole I never expected nor intended to go down. I am talking about another documentary. This one is called "Rabbits". It is quite literally what I imagine could be a dream I once had. The characters are all dressed in rabbit suits and they speak nothing but absolute randomness. My mind is quite literally randomness and the only way to tell one thought from another is by noting the different sorts of suits or facades they render themselves in. At least that was my feeble attempt at rationalizing this horrific nightmare of a film. I had only heard brief little murmurings of the man who created this film, David Lynch, apparently has a reputation for himself as being the man who makes awfully creative and crazy films. I am definitely going to watch the other films he has done and finish this one. But, fair warning, this is not your typical film. It is more like a painting by Dali pent up in walls of modern media form: video. It makes no sense and really provokes involuntary analysis of every little detail. From the green strange walls to the eery lighting. To the quite random applause from an unseen audience in no relevance or correlation to the even more random sentences that spew from these rabbit's mouths. Watch and see. You might find yourself turning into a psychoanalytical viewer... involuntarily of course. Here is the link to the film. Click Here.
I want to start off today with an apology for the lack of amusement in here. I promise, it is about to get exciting. Just wait and be patient!!
As you well know, I love watching documentaries. Las night I watched Ecstasy Rising. I had always wondered what exactly ecstasy was and its effects on the human mind. I had always wondered where and how it came to be. I learned that ecstasy was the synthetic drug called methylenedioxymethamphetamine. It was first created by accident by German chemists working for the pharmaceutical company, Merck. Since they could find no usefulness for the chemical, they just left it alone. A man by the name of Alexander Shulgin recovered the formula in a dusty old book and synthesized it after quitting his job at Dow Chemical to commit himself solely to the study of this new drug he called "window". He thought it would be very useful in psychotherapy. He introduced it to hundreds of therapists and at the time, this drug was not illegal. It soon leaked out of the psychiatric circles of the time and into the streets. It spread throughout Dallas, Texas like wildfire. It didn't gain the worldwide popularity until the British rave parties spread over to the United States. With the spread of raves from coast to coast, ecstasy was unstoppable. Some scientists thought that this had to be stopped. They formed a propaganda based on faulty experiments and lies. In turn, people learned not to trust their warnings. The majority of the scientific community has yet to find any harm in using reasonable amounts of ecstasy. That does not, however, lend one to believe that it is ok to abuse ecstasy carelessly. Scientists have no idea what the long term side effects of this drug are. when it comes to the point where people realize that there long term side effects to using MDMA, will anyone believe it? After all, the government does nothing but lie. That is very dangerous. When the boy cries wolf again and again and there is no wolf, who will believe when he cries wolf from inside the wolves mouth? Nobody!
What do you think? I have never taken this drug. I don't plan on it. But I know a lot of my friends who do. I personally believe that ecstasy should be legalized and only used in psychotherapy to reduce the risk of it and also use the benefits of it. Of course, I am not a scientist.
I love music from the 90's. I love mostly the folk-pop music of the 90's. I was listening to my ipod today and found some great stuff from the days of yesteryear. Here are some of them...
Natalie Merchant has got to be one of my favorite singers from the 90's. She is simple yet profound. I love this song because I could sing it to so may different people in my life. I am a super bitch sometimes and there are some who have stuck by me no matter what kind of hell I put them through. This song reminds me of that.
Another amazing simple song. Shawn Colvin reminds me of what I could imagine Natalie from The Dixie Chicks would sound like if she went solo.
Why can't people seem to get this music scene back on track? I remember hearing this song by Paul Cole and getting very emotional. It is just very sweet sounding. Another cool song from her, Where Have All The Cowboys Gone is worthy of showing. here it is.
God, does that bring back so many memories.
Who doesn't love Jewel? If she had just stuck to her roots she could still be bringing us the great folk-pop that we, if we admit, really miss these days. Sad.
So,anyway. That is what I have for you today. Sorry it is so bland!! I assure you I will be posting more exciting things soon.
The now infamous lush anthem song,"Rehab" sung by Amy Winehouse seems to be now more than a catchy tune, but a very real and serious irony for Miss Winehouse. After an alleged drug overdose in London, Winhouse was rumored to be recovering in The Priory rehab clinic in London. However, these rumors were banished when news broke that she has locked herself i a London hotel room to recover from the overdose which took place at 1 am on Wednesday. She was treated with an adrenaline shot and had her stomach pumped. I seriously hope this girl gets the help she needs. *image via: planetout.com*
A few weeks ago I went to San Diego to film for Shane's World. I am sure you all have heard all of the nasty things I had said about Caleb Carter. I just want to make it publicly known that the way I reacted wasn't the best. I recently had a chance to apologize to Caleb. I think we are on better terms now, which brings me to a sigh of relief. The reason I bring this up is because I have learned so much from this. One: jumping on the bandwagon and ganging up on someone is only going to make you look like an idiot. Second: you never know the whole story even if you were there. Don't talk about a situation like you know every single tiny detail because the details will be revealed over time and you will wind up feeling like a dumb ass because you acted like you knew it all. Third: people are people. Bashing someone because of something unfortunate happening is kicking someone when they are already down. Fourth: life is too short. Have a heart and don't try to sabotage anyone. You will probably fail anyway. I wish I had known all of this back when posting this would have been relevant.
*To Caleb Carter: thank you for being the bigger person and letting it go. I am not sure if I would have been man enough to do the same.
I posted these candid pictures on my myspace blog a couple months ago. But since those were censored, I thought you might appreciate the real thing. Here you go!
You know, sometimes in life an angel comes along and provokes hibernating inspirations that you gave up because of some reason or another. Tonight I came across one of those angels. Our new roommate is nothing less than an amazing person. He has been around the world, has gone to college, has experienced and learned so much. I want to go to school now. I knew there would come a time when I would feel the urge to get an education. I think it has finally come. Going to school in Michigan didn't really work out for me because I was not in the right frame of mind. I was still trying to learn survival first. I now realize that you don't look to education to become something, but rather to shape and cultivate what you already are. I know that I am a very smart human being. I was ever since I was a child. I would always get teasedfor getting A's, and gave up thinking I could fit in. I guess my mind is just now starting to come out of that silly phase. I want to go to school so badly, it almost hurts. So, now I have even more motivation to save up for a car, so that I can go to school. Don't worry! I will still keep up with my career, and will be even more motivated to put out amazing performances. I will just have to be very selective about my class schedule. YAY!!! I think this is what they call a Break Through.
The ever flowing river of thought never ceases to play out its natural instinct. It never stops flowing no matter how hard you push against the current. Have you ever experienced the power of suggestion at a time when you were trying to hide you feelings? Maybe when you were upset and thought you were fine until someone comes and asks you if you are ok. Suddenly bursting into tears you realize that maybe you were suppressing some thoughts. Suppression is completely withstandable until someone introduces suggestion to you. Maybe you don't really notice how fucking gorgeous a co-worker is until someone starts talking about them in a sexual light. Then you can't seem to get your mind or eyes off that person. You probably would have never thought or looked at them that way. But, because someone used the power of suggestion on you, now you are hooked. I realized that today. I think I may be suppressing some of my sexual energy. Why? Maybe my sexuality is so strong, I feel I need to suppress it to function. I am a very addictive personality. I get easily addicted to people, substance, experiences, and sex. This is where fetishes come from. Just like a pot head has a certain variety of weed that is their favorite, or an alcoholic has their favorite kind of poison, everyone has certain type of flavors, shapes, and colors of sex. Mine are a bit kinky to say the least, and I think that may be why I am so hesitant to unleash myself. I fear people wouldn't like the same things I like. Well, that is all over. Power of suggestion is most powerful because it doesn't force any idea on anyone, it lets the mind take care of the convincing. Someone gave me some very good advice today about so many subjects. They only used one tool: the power of suggestion. Let me say I am changing very rapidly these days. I mean literally, I have changed my world view, my political view, my social view, my interpersonal view, my professional view and just about any other kind of view you can imagine in the past week or so. That feels, quite literally like breaking out of a cocoon. Maybe like mulching. Maybe it feels like I had brain surgery and all the junk was taken out, clearing my mind to function and think the way it is intended to. The power of suggestion. Use it on your enemies. It is the best tool in the world in convincing people of something without actually trying to convince them, but letting them convince themselves. Just plant the seed, their mind will cultivate it.
Today I acted like a true Las Vegas resident. I along with some friends went to the pool at Tropicana. It was fun. We first stopped at the grocery store and got some "juice". By juice I mean lush juice. By lush I mean me, by juice I mean vodka. It only took one little red party cup to set me straight for he whole blistering day. I am such a lightweight. Anyone who has ever seen me in person, do I look small? I don't know. I have lived in my body my whole life. My perception is a bit bias. Anyway, so I might be petite, maybe not. Either which way, I am a super lightweight. My friends know this. They also know that I am funny when I am drunk, and they always make my drinks extra strong. That is just cruel. Well, at first I love them, but right now I wish that my drink(1) was a tad bit weaker because I am spacing out and my head feels like a boulder. Yes a boulder. A boulder about to tumble down a hill. Oh God it hurts!! That is the pool. As you can see there is no escape from the desert sun. Inevitably I got fried yet again. I haven't even gotten the chance to recover from being burnt in San Diego, and now I am a fried turkey again. Well, you won't be hearing me gobble. Except from the water faucet. Oh God! Me and the water faucet have some bonding to do. I will tell you some advice. Never get drunk and lay around under the sun all day and expect not to get dehydrated. What do you think I am? Yes, dehydrated. You win the $10 question, now go get me a fifth or rum! Just kidding. I want more vodka. So, today was fun. I have to tell you guys!!! Two things. First: watch Good Morning America the next few days because Ben and Ethan are going to be on during National Underwear Day! Go to one or both of their blogs to get all the info. Brat Boy School and The Project BE are both o my blog list on the right hand side of the page. The other thing is my site is finally in progress!! The reason I have been so happy the last few days is because I finally have some vision and focus about this thing. I will be giving you updates as time goes on. I am going to give you one hint about my idea every so often. If you can guess or even come close to what I have in mind, I will... I don't know... let you pick(within reason, people). First hint: half clothed.
I have to confess something that will probably ruin my fanbase...
what you see usually is me with my mask on. Now, these following images might shock you if you thought I was human... but I believe i being open and honest.
Here is me without my make-up.... AAHHH!!!!
Scary... I know
Today I watched this video "Earth Intruders" by Bjork. It was crazy. I think I would fit into that video very nicely without my make-up! Haha.
We all go through slumps and get stuck in ruts. Well, I just came out of one. I do not know when it started exactly or what triggered it, but I can tell you it was not a pleasant time. Everyday I would get mad at the world and the people in my life for my unhappiness and things not going the way I think they should go. I am seriously feeling like a big jackass. If anyone ever said I was crazy, I guess yesterday would be pure evidence of it. I was paranoid and had conspiracy theories and called people names and had just a ton of hate inside of me. I feel like something just clicked in me today. The other day I was talking with my friend in LA. Her and I always have deep conversations and she always has something I could try and open my mind a little more. I have been in a state of intoxication for the last two days. She told me that I should get drunk, run a super hot bath and sit there and don't move. Well, I did. I had crazy visions. One was that my guardian angel floated up, landed on the bathroom countertop(he was the size of a Borrower), ran into the medicine cabinet, curled up and hid inside. Then this beast came in the bathroom and scooped me up from the tub, threw me down the stairs, picked me back up and tossed me back into the bathtub. Then this blonde, gorgeous boy came and picked me up from the tub and loved me. He kissed me and loved me unconditionally. I am about to cry writing this... I know why I have been in a rut. I have nobody to love. My family isn't here, but more than that, I don't have a boy to love me. I want a man to love me the way a straight man would love his girl. I am weak. I am very weak and very vulnerable and I want, err, need someone to take care of me. Anyway, today I broke away from the rut. As I told my girlfriend that lived in Los Angeles, art is my life. I need art to feel sane and happy and joyful. Today the most brilliant idea came to me for my website. I sketched it out, made detailed notes and I know exactly what I am going to do. I need to keep creating. I need to keep making art. That is what was lacking in my life. I am getting a cheap guitar whe I get paid and I am going to start making music again. It has been too long. Or someone who wants to make me happy would get me one. *wink wink*...lol So, that is my life at this point: trying to stay busy and make a masterpiece of my life. Life is a book, and I am going to make it a best-seller.
You don't know crazy unless you know the people from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. The church is run by Fred Phelps. He is old and doesn't have enough energy to spread "the message" out in the real world, so his daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper leads the pack of crazies on weekly pickets and the "spreading ofthe gospel". In all actuality, they never mention anything about Jesus Christ in any of their protests or the signs they hold. Some including, "Fags eat poop","God hates America","Princess Diana: Fag Enabler", and many more irrational and quite random messages that have nothing to do with scripture or anything of the sorts to do with God. The first time I heard about this insanity was on the Tyra Show. The episode was about hate crimes against various groups, mainly the GLBT community. Shirley along with her daughters sat on Tyra's couch and blatantly yelled at her. She tried to ask them simple questions about their faith and beliefs, trying to understand them as any normal person would, and they almost burst into flames because the anger was so violent and outlandish. That scared me. It didn't scare me to see anger, but it scared me to see what the human mind is capable of molding into. Brainwashing, something I am far too familiar with, is what happened to these people. Unfortunately I could not find the video for that show, but there are plenty more to give you an idea of what these people think like...
If you noticed, Julie Bandera tried to point out a verse of the Bible to Shirley, but Shirley was positive that she was trying to point out another verse. In case you couldn't understand the verse because of Shirley's barking, here it is... Leviticus 19:18 (King James Version) King James Version (KJV)
18Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.
That would have been a sure slap in the face to Shirley and her followers, however, as you have seen, she doesn't listen. She just keep barking and bellowing like a damn pig giving birth. That is all she is. She is a dam sow giving birth to a fowl smelling, evil, rotten, feces infested hate message that only comes from one source: fear. Her father has so much control and fear instilled into his children that they cannot escape. It is sad, but people can think for themselves. If you are able to be brainwashed, then you are weak. I used to be very weak. I was once brainwashed. Thank God that is over and done with. Let's move on though...
The verse Shirley was so adamant about pointing out was this: Leviticus 19:17 (King James Version) King James Version (KJV)
17Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.
If "thou shalt not hate thy neighbor..." is a blatant sign to picket funerals and make awful signs, then apparently they have justification for their actions. However, I do not believe, nor do I think anyone with a side of logic in their heads, that to not hate means to yell and scream and make people upset.
Moving on. I found another interview that was still unsuccessful. This bitch has a problem with listening. I wonder if she has ever read this...
Ezekiel 22:28 Her prophets whitewash these deeds for them by false visions and lying divinations. They say, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says'-when the LORD has not spoken.
Here is the other video interview...
If she had, maybe she and her followers would have some sort of conviction for what they are doing. Granted, maybe homosexuality is frowned upon by many religious people today, but shouting and protesting is not the way to make us change our ways. What you resist persists. Mother Theresa never went to one protest in her life. She was a holy saint. Why is it she never fought against sin in the world? She knew that what you resist persists. The Westboro Baptist Church should really take a cue from her. Of course, it would go against their beliefs that along with Jews, Swedes, Princess Diana, Homosexuals, and Bill O'Reilley, Catholics are hell-bound sinners as well.
If you would like to watch a very good documentary on this cult as it is, ClickHere. I do not recommend watching it before going to bed. It is quite mind numbing and baffling. At any rate, it gives good insight and should be a well headed warning not to let yourself be brainwashed... ever.... by anyone.
I usually do not support retaliation, but please feel free to drop them a little note about how you feel. Someday I am going to Kansas with some of my friends and we are going to show them how the world appreciates their "love". But first, I have bigger fish to fry. Stay tuned.
