Life... What a Cunt

Life is back to "normal". I am single again and I have to say I am not loving it. I ended a budding relationship that started two weeks ago and yet I still feel empty. I think I let myself get accustom to having someone there all the time and someone I was accountable to. Now that I have me, myself and I to sit with all day, it is kind of boring to say the least.
I do have a ton to look forward to, however. I am consulting with the web designer today about my website. We are working on it tonight. I just got my photos back from the photographer. I can start working like I have wanted to. I am filming for a website in a couple weeks or so. I have a big production set for next month. I am starting a new job. You are all going to see some big changes taking place in the blog and also in me.
Be excited. Be very excited.

Varla, you so fun, guuurl!

Ok, so Trent got me hooked on what seems to me a neo- To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything!. Though the story lines are a bit... well drastically incomparable, the feel of the movie still reminds me of To Wong Foo, without the dramatic tear jerking moments. My favorite scene from this movie will go down in history as my favorite drag queen scene of all time! Enjoy

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Hello, peeps! So, as most of you already know, I have a new boy in my life. By boy, I mean man. He is quite a bit older than I am and I don't know, yet, how the age difference will play a role in the relationship. By relationship I mean that thing that is kind of just beginning but is so new that it can't possibly constitute as anything. I have always been one to rush new relationships and I am really trying to just take it easy and see where things lead. This confuses me because I don't know if these "things" are "leading" themselves too fast or it is me. I don't know. Frankly, I don't care either. Life is about adventure and excitement. Life is just as much about making mistakes as it is making amazing moves. It is all a gamble. You never know if a risky move will make or break your life. The chance that it could even effect you is part of the allure of taking risks.
I don't know about any of you, but I like to take chances. I take chances with the friends I choose, the jobs I take on, the adventures I go on and the things I buy into. So far I have written a very interesting and intriguing life story. I will continue to do so whether or not everything goes down in shambles or rises up to the height of greatness.
The height of arrogance is the potential depth of destruction. To be humble yet confident in one's self provides endless possibility to take reasonable risks with minimal damage. Relationships are the same way. Being arrogant enough to think that you are enough for one person's satisfaction is going to leave a potentially fatal door open. To take it easy and allow yourself to prove yourself to another person and vise versa is smart and noble.
I think taking things slow is smart. I also, however, like to take risks. Which path do I take? As far as logic is concerned, being safe could be better than being sorry. As far as artistic views of life are concerned, being safe doesn't necessarily guarantee lack of regret. Now I have to figure out what kind of a person I am. Am I one who relies solely upon logic and safety, leaving out any possibility for curves and adventure? Or am I one who wants to treat life as a book and make it the most interesting story ever told? I think.. ER... I know that I am the latter person. I am about to embark on a great adventure. I am taking you along on the whole way. Keep your fingers crossed and your seat belts fastened. It is going to be a roller coaster.

Crazy Week.

This week has been, by any interpretation of the word, crazy. It all started on Monday. Just like any week. My buddy, Jeremy Hall called me and said he was going to be in town for a couple days. I went up to the strip and we hung out, went to dinner and had a good time. It was good to see him before he went clear across on the other side of the country.

So, I came home Tuesday and got a call from CVS Pharmacy. They wanted to call me in for an interview on Wednesday. So, I was really excited about that because then I would have proof of income and I could get my car loan!
So, Wednesday rolls around, I go to the interview. It went great. I got on the bus and headed to the gym. I spent a couple hours working out and came home. The bus line in Las Vegas is so slow. So, going to the gym takes a few hours out of my day. Anyway, I came home as soon as I walked in my room I got a text message from this guy.
I talked to this guy for about a week and he seemed nice enough, so we went on a date on Wednesday night. We went to Starbucks and got some coffee. He was really interesting.
Basically I have seen him everyday since then. We have gone out to dinner, lunch, the gym, and around town. He is so nice.
to be perfectly honest I felt bad about leading him on only to disappoint him by telling him "By the way... I am a porn kid." So, I didn't lead him on and told him right away. At first he told me he couldn't ever be with someone who did that. After a couple days and thinking that that was the final answer I was really broken up. I love my job and I don't think I want to give it up so early in the game. I told him last night that I was having this battle in my mind. We got it all cleared up and basically, he said that we aren't going to let a petty little thing like my career choice extinguish the possibility of making this work.
So, I don't know why I told all of you about this.I guess it is because I really have nobody else to talk to at the moment. The present situation is kind of complicated and tangled up. If I say one thing to a certain person, it will bring up a conversation that I really don't want to face right now. Maybe it won't be as bad as I am thinking it will be.
Anyway... that is why I have been absent from my blog for a few days. I hope you forgive me... until then, muah!