4th of July Plans

So, I am coming to realize this is maybe going to be a milestone marker in my life: 4th of July, 2007. I have accomplished so much in the last year. I remember telling all of my friends last year on fourth of july that I would be in LA soon and that I would be living my dreams by this time next year. Well, here I am and I made it happen. I am so proud of how far I have come from corn fields and small towns. this year I am going to be in Los Angeles for the fourth of July. I am so excited. I was worried I was going to have to spend it by my lonesome, but thank god for friends. I am excited. I will take some pictures of the fireworks display, whichever one we happen to go to. So, that is about it!! Peace!!

One has to do what one has to do.

So. As you all know, I am pretty new to the whole adult star scene. I am trying to build my name and status up just like the next guy. I know that some may look at me and think I have a glamorous life. I do, but it isn't the kind of glamour one may envision. I am going to tell you all a secret. Well, I suppose it isn't a secret after I tell you. Here goes. I have been working at a grocery store for about a week. The only reason I took the job was so that I could occupy my time and have some extra cash coming in. I hated working there. I say hate in the past tesne because today I quit. Yes. This is the first time ever that I have quit a job without having another one lined up already. I hated working there. I was a courtesy clerk and all I did everyday was bag groceries, sweep the store, take in carts and stupid shit like that. I am 19 fucking years old. I do not need that. I can and ill find something more fun to occupy my time with. I have been thinking about starting a band and starting to paint again. I could make ill money from painting. I am really good. So, the reason I am telling you all this is because I have a special purpose for it. I always have a hidden agenda when I am posting these entrees. Sometimes I want to share what I learned. Sometimes I want to make you think. Today though, I want to give advice. Life is so fucking short, right? The time we are alotted on this planet is so minimal. We only have a few short years to make an impact on this planet and on human kind as a whole. Working at a dead end job is not an option for people who have big plans. You don't have to put up with it. You can find any kind of job that you want. You do not have to settle for a shitty minimum wage job that you hate. I have come to realize that if we only have so much time on this earth, I want to make the most of it. Always. There is no such thing as temporary for me anymore. I will not; I refuse to settle because, "Oh, well... it's just tempoerary". Temporary is a myth. All that word means is that you are being lazy and stopping for a break in the middle of the journey. You have someplace to be! You or I do not have time to take breaks or rest. I have something amazing and huge to achieve. Nothing is going to slow me down. I must always puh forward. Working at a grocery store is not going to do that for me. I don't think of it so much as quitting as I do getting out of a firey furnace that was burning me to ashes day by day. I escaped, I didn't quit. Quitting infers that there was a goal in mind that you gave up on. What was my goal at the store? Nothing. I had no goals there. I didn't care about the store or how it looked. I didn't benifit at all from working there except maybe that I learned this profound lesson about life being too short to be mundane and pointless. So. My advice to you who are doing something you hate and know that you need to move on: do it! Move on while you still can. You are not a bad person for following your heart and dreams. When you do, everything will work out in the end. Think of it as letting go so you can grab on to what you really want.

Things I miss. Like the desert misses the rain.

Ok. So Las Vegas isn’t a tropical oasis of plenty. Where I am from there was more than enough water so that we could have water balloon fights and play in the sprinkler when it was hot outside. Here in Las Vegas we do not waste water. Another thing I miss is Vernor's. All it is is Ginger Ale. But, it is so sweet and delicious. It is good with vanilla ice cream blended together. It is quite embarassing when I go someplace and eat and ask if they have Vernors and they ask "What the hell is that?". Then I say with my deer-in-headlights look,"It is a kind of POP!". Then they ask me again, even more dumbfounded," And what in the world is pop?"

See, living in Las Vegas is like living in a foreign country for me. I am from the north and everything is so different up there. I did not realize this, but people from Michigan have accents. I don't think I have a srong one, but when I went home it became apparant to me that people there really do have an accent. It was strange.

Another thing I kind of miss about Michigan are the lakes. I love to swim. Going to the beach was my favorite thing to do. Now, here in Las Vegas the only lake we have is Lake Mead. It scares me to go because I would get all burnt from the su and probably get skin cancer. That is not attractive. So, I stay inside most of the day and try and kep cool. Plus, I have no pool in the back which really sucks ass. I really hate where I am living right now. I live in this huge house with roommates. I don't know half of them and they always steal my plates and spoons and drink my ginger ale. GRR!! I can't tan outside either. Not that I would dare take the risk here, but it is something I liked to do.

So. Being in Las Vegas is a strange transition from living in Michigan my entire life. I do not miss Michigan at all, just a few things that are in Michigan.

I do miss the rain.

Movies... Shortbus

So! Being the weirdo that I claim to be with every ounce of pride and dignity I have, yet again, added a new oddball treasure to my trunk. Shortbus a film by John Cameron, is that treasure.

ABOUT THE FILM

John Cameron Mitchell’s SHORTBUS explores the lives of several emotionally challenged characters as they navigate the comic and tragic intersections between love and sex in and around a modern-day underground salon. A sex therapist who has never had an orgasm, a dominatrix who is unable to connect, a gay couple who are deciding whether to open up their relationship, and the people who weave in and out of their lives, all converge on a weekly gathering called Shortbus: a mad nexus of art, music, politics and polysexual carnality. Set in a post-9/11, Bush-exhausted New York City, SHORTBUS tells its story with sexual frankness, suggesting new ways to reconcile questions of the mind, pleasures of the flesh and imperatives of the heart. ::{From the official website}::

What did I think of the movie? I thought it was heart invoking. I honestly saw past the erections and tits and saw the deeper meaning that echoed throughout the entire film. It made me realize a few things about myself that I had not known. One of which happens to be just how uptight I had grown up to be about sex. It is just sex, people. I do not understand why such a beautiful and all-be-it necessary facet of human kind has been tainted and trashed and turned into tabboo. It took me a long time to be able to trust someone enough to let them give me an orgasm. It wasn't until I started turning sex into a fun game that is lighthearted and inocent that I began to open up and express myself to my full potential sexually. When I first started having sex I thought I was a slut. Granted, I flaunted my slutiness like a rainbow flag at a gay pride parade, but nonetheless, it was still tabboo in my mind. I could talk about it, sing about it, think about it and read and write about it. But, when it came down to that pivitol moment when I was to surrender and have fun, I turned it into a chore. I made it into an overwhelmingly emotional experience. Sex has to have some emotion, yes, but I had it all messed up. I always acted like I was at a funeral or that it was the last fuck I would ever have, like a last meal for prison inmates on death row. I felt like a prisoner, a criminal. Then, magically someone along the road taught me that sex was not an emotional tug of war or a race to the finish line. They tought me that sex is a playful, childlike dance between two people that love each other. Now, the type of love I am referring to is the kind of love that we all share as part of a global society. Sex is something shared between people who love each other because they are there, together, as people of the earth basically. You have love for your own kind is what I am saying and in sex, that love is intesified and able to be expressed through a very good receptical act.

In this movie a sex therapist is having issues with her climax capabilities. More specifically, her lack of those capabilities. I began to relate to her as soon as I found out what she was trying to overcome. See... an orgasm is a very delicate plant. You want to be gentle with it at first. You want to water it a little bit and touch it softly. You need to give it a chance to let it grow. You cannot chop it off and build a log cabin out of it in the beginning. You are just going to realize you killed a perfectly healthy and beautiful potential and need to start all over again. Sexual experimentation is the only way to help your tree grow tall and strong. It is all about progress and development. I used to be so timid about sex that it would take me hours to get off. Now I can spray myself in the face on command. Sorry to be so exclicit. But did you forget whose blog you are reading?

Needless to say, I related to the latter character. The others I didn't so much. Not that I couldn't learn from them or understand(somewhat.. most of what... a little what) what was going on, but I could not place myself in the others' shoes and feel like they were my own. I couldn't realate to the gay couple or the gay model. I think that is just a slap in the face for stereotypes. Sorry, off on a trailing thought for a moment. I'm back now. So, this film really touched me. Or did I touch myself? Or did a buddy touch me? Or did he touch himself? What was I talking about? Oh yes! I am an emotional sponge. I soak up whatever people are throwing out there and it becomes me for a while until someone squeezes me the right way and it all seeps out. Maybe that conjured up some awful images. Maybe some pleasure invoking ones. I don't know. Either way, this is the seepage. I soaked up every drop of this film and in the following few days I will be thinking about it and projecting the ambience of it. Hopefully it doesn't get me into too much trouble.( haha )

So. There was my shortanalysis of Shortbus. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did! If you have not seen this yet, go buy it. You cannot rent it anywhere I don't think and there are no freeby sites that is has leaked to. So, go ahead, be old fashioned just this once. It is so worth it! :::Buy, watch and enjoy:::

New site going up!!!

Hey guys and gals. Sometime in the very near future I am going to have my personal website up. I cannot wait for you all to see it. It will be very intricate and very modern. I am going to be in the creative process for a few days or weeks and it should be launched by mid-july at the earliest. Beginning of August at the very latest. So... I will surely let you know when all of this conspires. I will still keep this going on a regular basis, too.

PEACE!!!

Love,B

Rethinking my views.

So, It has been a little while since talking about my stance on testing in the industry. The reason being is that I am having one reality check after another. I feel like I need to be honest here, in my diary as it is, about how I feel and what I am thinking regardless if I have to explain myself later. Now is the time when I have to explain myself. I have said time and time again that I will only work for studios who test their models. I want to clear this up right now before some of you call me a hypocrite. I recently, as I said, shot a movie with Channel 1 Releasing. They do not require test results from their models and this made me nervous and reluctant at first about working with them. I talked with Chi Chi Larue and she said something to me that made me stop and think about my stand. She told me that I have to concider everyone I work with to be positive. Using a condom is the safest way to ensure my safety. HIV tests, as I have come to find out, are not 100% accurate in detecting the virus if it is dormant or contracted recently. By recently I am talking about a six month period. This is to say that you cannot trust a test result. Having sex with a condom eliminates some worry and angst. Yes, condoms break. Yes, condoms can be faulty. But, they are the first and most important safety measure one can take working in the adult industry. The thing I need to do as a responsible adult actor is to make sure that I get tested on my own in a scheduled manner. I personally get tested every 60 days regardless if I know I have an upoming job or not. That is what I need to do to take responsible measures towards ensuring the safest possible work environment for my fellow co-actors as well as a healthy life for myself.

I will say this right here and now. I do not believe in being political. I do not believe that keeping everyone in the dark about your knowledge, shortcomings, progress and whatever other basic human characteristic you tend to project to the world. I am honest and forthright. I have learned new things and changed my personal views about a very serious issue. This does not make me a hypocrite. This makes me a student of life. If you cannot learn and be taught, then frankly, you are useless to society and to yourself. I am learning new things each and every waking moment of my life. This is my diary; my space to share what I have learned or unlearned. This is more than a blog. This is a place where you can know who I am. I want to reach out to you and pull you into my intricate world. We are all connected, so I have nothing to hide here. Welcome to my Diary.

Fischerspooner

So. One thing I love about traveling, seeing new places, meeting new people, and discovering the world is the finding new art. I was recently introduced to this amazing band, Fischerspooner. I don't like the words strange, bizzarre, wierd, or scary when describing art. But, if anyone knows me, they know that I constantly make exceptions to my own rules if I feel it would make life easier or evolve me further. So, here is one of those times. I will call Fischerspooner bizzarre. I am careful to say they are strange. I dive deep and say blatently and joyfully that they are edgy, stylish, and blissfully abstract. What they do is they take an emotion and turn it into color, dance, costume, and style. I must say that, in my opinion their music lacks where their videos thrive. Nonetheless, they are superbly entertaining and equally bland defying. I think what turns me on most about Fischerspooner is the fact that their lead singer is hot. I am a sucker for hot boys and beautiful women. I think we all are. Why else would we all have an infatuation with Ms. Paris Hilton or Ashton Kutcher? Anyway... I never leave you in the dark about what I am really talking about... so, here they are: Fischerspooner!




I hope you all enjoy them as much as I have!!!

That's a Wrap!

So, today I finished the diologue scenes. It was fun. I got all dressed up like a punk and then I dressed up as a baseball player. I felt so fucking sexy. So, This shoot was so fun. There were so many cool people on set. The boys I worked with were some of the most beautiful boys I have ever worked with. I have so many great memories to take with me. Some of which include the numerous nicknames I had on set. Most of them were because of my crazy hair. I was called Prince Charming, Sanjaya, Sex God, Nipples... hmm.. I think that is it. The last two names came from our fabulous make-up artist, Mona. She is so fun and we had so much fun on set. Well, here is a picture of my hair today. This is why they were calling me sanjaya...

I had so much fun. The movie is set to release in a few month's time. I will let you all know when it does release so you can all go out and get your fix. To everyone at Channel 1 Releasing, thank you. Doug Jeffries: thank you so much for the opportunity. Chi Chi Larue: you are so cool and so fun. Thanks for directing us and making it the best it could have possibly been. Miss Mona: Thanks for all the fun and thank you for doing our make-up. I appreciate it very much. To all the stars I got to work with: you guys are the best. I am so glad we got to work together and make a superbly sexy scene.



To all the readers: I will be sure and get a few pics from other people who were taking pictures behind the scenes and post them. I only had my sidekick phone with me and if any of you have one, you know they do not take good pictures. I always keep my promises. I promised pics, so you will get pics. I just want to say that you are all my biggest inspiration. I love reading your mail and comments. It seriously keeps me going. So, thankk and keep reading on and posting your comments and seding me mail. I love it and I love you.

On set...

Sorry I haven't posted anything in a couple days. Sorry I have had a lack of interesting things to talk about. Between super highs, I have those super lows where boredom and time for growth take over and I cannot talk about that, so I just post stupid shit just to keep you all alive a little bit. Anyway, I have tons to talk about now that I am working again.

Let us see here. So, as you all know, I went to Michigan for a few to visit. Well, I got a call when I was there from Doug Jeffries and he asked if I could come down to L.A. to be a part of his newest movie, Little Big Leagues 3: Bottom of the Ninth. Now, I have been dreaming of working for Chi Chi Larue and her affiliates for such a long time. When Doug called me, I didn't even have to think about it much and I scheduled my flight right away so I could be here for this movie. Chi Chi Larue directed the orgy scene which I was in. At first I was absolutely terrified because I have heard that she can be over-the-top. I came to find out that all over-the-top meant was that she directed in an exciting way. I love taking orders from people when I have no clue what to do. Let's face it, when it comes to sex: everyone is looking for something different. When filming a sex scene, I have no clue what the producer is looking for unless the director tells me. So, I must say that filming with Doug and Ms. Larue has been, so far, the best experience on set I have ever had.

I seriously cannot wait until it releases. I have never had an orgy before in film or in "real life". I think it was super fun and it was probably the hottest thing I have ever done. Seriously, I am going to have wet dreams about this for weeks to come. No pun intended.

So, I am really excited you guys. I hope you all are anticipating seeing this one. Tomorrow we are filming diologue and I am going to take some behind the scenes pics and tell you about all the funny stuff that happened on set. I'm not going to incriminate anyone that was there or anything like that, so don't worry. Nobody did anything superbly embarassing, well... I did some embarassing shit, but I will tell you all tomorrow night. Until then, peace bitches!!!

I want to go to Saugatuck!!!

So, I heard today that Sagatuck is having gay pride in july. This is in Michigan, where I was born and raised. I really have this burning desire to go, but unfortunately my funds are kind of tight right now as I am looking for a new car and finding a new place to live and paying off my credit card and all that happy shit. I really want to go and if someone would be kind enough to pay my way, I would be so happy. I usually don't get all verklempt over things like this, but I feel that the universe is drawing me in. Maybe it is because I never knew that Sagatuck existed until today and want to pay homage since I feel bad about never going there for living there my entire life. Maybe it is because I feel like Michigan is MY territory and I need to claim it. Maybe I just don't want to fucking miss pride this year and Sagatuck will be the only place I can have my friends from the west coast and my friends from the east in one area on one day all to myself!!! Anyway, if someone could get me there, I would die of joy. MUAH!!! I know someone will pull through for me. I know how much you all love me so much!!!(*Half sarcastic, half hoping it is true*)

My Humps.... the Ballad?

OK! So, I know that no more than 20 minutes ago I made an entree.. BUT.. I just saw this video and I thought it would lighten the mood after reading the previous entree about my wacko mother. CHEERS!!!

Home again.... OH NO!!!!

So! My little sister graduated from high school and I traveled up to michigan for her party. All I can say is that it doesn't matter how far you come or how far you go, your family members will always look at you like a child. Other than the party being a great success, my family wasn't all too thrilled to see me. Even though I hav been away from my mother for over half a year, she didn't seem to be too excited to see me. Right now I am chilling at my best friend's house. This morning I was getting ready to go and I was trying to delay as much as possible because, quite honestly, I let my mother get to me and make me feel guilty ergo: I left her and moved to vegas. I tryed to delay as much as I could, but she was adament about making me leave. She practically pushed me out of the door with my bag of soaking wet laundry. She couldn't even wait for me to dry my clothes. Oh well, C'est La Vie. This just means that I don't have to come back for a couple years. Obviously, I thought that visiting after seven months was far too late, but apparantly I could have held out on my family for a few more months! HAHA! Oh well. I was glad to see them anyway. My sister is so pretty now. I am so proud of her. She is back to her old self again. She used to be a Jesus fanatic. Not that there is anything wrong with being dovout with your beliefs, but she changed completely and she was no fun. Now we can laugh and vent to each other about things and we aren't so detached anymore. So, that makes me happy. Now I am hanging with my friends and I didn'
t even realize how much I loved and missed them until I hung out with them today. I can depend on these people more than I could my own family members and I feel bad that I could only take one day out of this trip to see them. But, I am coming back for pride in Saugatuck, Michigan. I never even have heard of this place before, but someone told me about it. I was sad I might have not been able to go to gay pride this year, but it is looking like I am going to go after all!! YAY!! Plus it will be with my best friends in the whole world! So, that is where I have been lately. Visiting the devil and my friends in sweet home. I appreciate all the comments and emails since I have been able to ge on the net. I love all of you and I am super happy I am going back to Las Vegas. I miss the desert!!! Hahaha.

New interview on PC!

I recently finished an online interview for Porn Confidential. If you ever wanted to know some deep, dark secrets of mine, you will find them in that interview.

Thanks for all the love and support from everyone who helps keep me going everyday.

MUAH!!

My favorite scene from "Knocked Up"

So, I don't know if it was because I was three sheets to the wind when I watched this that it was so fucking histerical, but I have a feeling that you all will enjoy it,too. Sober or tanked!

Merry Christmas!!

Blair's Favorite quotes from "KNocked Up"

"Do you ever get mad when the baby steals your food, like 'Hey! That's mine!'... but since you're family, you share right?"



"Hey, dude. Stay here... your face looks like a vagina"



"Wanna, like, trade boyfriends?!"



"Last time I went to the bathroom I took a shit and my shit looked like a fucking stuffed animal!!!"

I feel like an ocean... {More deep thinking from the mind of Blair}

As you all have probably guessed by now, I am a new-age visoinary in search for the truth. One bit of truth that I have come across and just now have started putting into practice is the Law of Attraction. What this law says is that we are all energy, essentially. Everything in this universe is nothing but energy vibrating at different frequencies. Everything thought that we have is also a vibration emitting force that goes out into the universe and comes back to us like a boomerang carrying with it items,siruations,people, and cirumstances vibrating at the same level as us. Our minds are magnents, attracting to us the things we think about. Whether it be positive or negative, if we are focusing on it, it will be manifested more in our life. Having said all of that, I have started looking online for my dream house, my dream car, my dream life. I have saved pictures of these things and I am going to make a collage and show you all exactly what I will have soon. Just to prove this, I will post my "Wish Collage" here with the pictures of the things I would like in my life, and then when they come into reality in my life, I will take REAL pictures and post them also. Now, by doing this, and telling you all that I AM going to have these things, I am indeafinately placing an order in the catalog of the universe. Like anytime you order something, you expect it will be there in due time. I am going to start speaking as if I already have these things. It has always worked for me. When I was still living in Michigan, I posted on my myspace page that I was living in Las Vegas, even though I was still in Michigan at the time. I KNEW I would be living in Nevada sooner than later and did not know how or when, but I just knew I would. Now look. I am where I said I was going to be. Another time I told all my friends that I was going to be famous one day. I did not know exactly how, and I am not there, yet. But, I am well on my way! See... affirmative speaking is not lying or being decietful. If you already know that something is going to happen in your life soon, and you speak as if it is already here, it isn't lying, it is just speaking from the voice of your future self. This is not hard to do. Believing your words is the tricky part. You just have to know that it will happen, believe it, speak as if it is already here, and by the power of the law of attraction, it will come to pass in your life. So! Enough of me rambling on and on, here is my Wish Collage.

Click the thumbnail to view the collage in full size...

Banishing Negetivity...

I am quite an emotional person. I have alot of self-hatred and angst about loving myself. I grew up not having things because I was told that cheap is good. People who bought nice things were "snudes". I grew up thinking that I did not deserve anything nice. Not nice people. Not nice things. Not nice places. I was brainwashed to think that I deserved ugly, nasty people in my life. I had to buy everything cheap. That traveling to different places was silly, childish and selfish. Now, The thing that I realized a long time ago before the brainwashing became perminant is this: you cannot give if you have nothing of yourself to give. How can you be grateful for the nothingness that you give yourself? I was brought up with this mindset "Humble and meek. That is what is noble". That is what is wrong with America. Hillbilly people telling their kids that success is for the enemy. Telling their kids that the government is comprised of a bunch of pigs. This, my friends, is what is wrong with America. The Bush didn't screw us up. All he did was show us just how screwed up we really are. Anyway, back on subject here. That was my mindset growing up. Until recently I didn't let one hillbilly thought cross my mind. Today it all came back to me. Partly because my mother called. Partly because I had an awful crazy dream. Mostly because right now I am living like a damn hillbilly. I am makin it through just fine, but I have to watch my money. I have a few goals in mind and I would like to see them come to pass. Anyway, today I was feeling a bit depressed and what not. I was having a struggle between what my mother has said to me and what I know to be true. I went for a well-needed grocery shop and afterward I felt guilty. Feeling guilty for buying groceries comes from a place of lack and undeservedness. Both of which I do not cloud my mind with. But, today those feelings all rushed back to me and it made me miserable. I talked with a couple of my buddies and listened to this song by Kirk Franklin. The first time I had heard it was when I was moving all of my stuff out of my parents house. I had the last load in my car and was driving to the city to try and start my new life. I was feeling free and enslaved at the same time. I was free from childhood and a slave to adulthood. I was free from dependency and a slave to solitude. This song really made me cry. I cry everytime I hear it. The only time I ever listen to it is when something is going on inside of my soul that needs something inspiring to pull me out. Another thing that I didn't even remember until 2nite that really kickstarted me back into a place of peace was a video clip from Oprah. The clip is of the panel featured in "The Secret". Lisa Nichols, a motivational speaker, said something that absolutely amazed me. She said that you are the first example to the world on how to love you. This completely goes against the mindset of socity. Socity says to give, give, give until there is nothing left. How can I expect someone to love me more than I love myself? Another question Lisa asks. It is not fair and it is not realistic. I am now trying to find the little things about myself that I love. I am looking deep within and trying to find the things that I want to present to the world so that people can love me the way I love myself. This is not egotistical at all. It is self-respect. Knowing that you have nothing to give unless you give to yourself first will change your life forever if you follow by it.

VIEW THE OPRAH SHOW FEATURING THE SECRET PANEL INCLUDING LISA NICHOLS

Opposing Safety... {Opposing bill AB 2798}

As you might know by now, I am taking a spiraling tumble into the world of porno politico. I recently discovered a bill that was brought up in 2004 that died in committee in November of 2006. The bill, AB 2798, was first proposed by Assembly Member Tim Leslie. When Mr. Leslie was termed out of office, the bill was then put into Jackie Goldberg's hands. When Ms. Goldberg was termed out of office it feel into the hands of Kevin De León. The bill has since died in committee. This bill outlined a proposal that would keep HIV/AIDS at bay in the adult entertainment industry. The reason it died was because there were no supporters on file and a lot of opposition. The opposition was absolutely ludicrous in their arguments. One opponent, of which will shock you, had this to say...(taken from an online analysis report)
The AIDS Healthcare Foundation is opposed to any
provision of law that seeks to make HIV testing mandatory and
are particularly concerned that this bill does not recognize
the reality of HIV testing. The American Civil Liberties
Union opposes mandatory testing of individuals for HIV status
based on its infringement of individual liberty and right to
privacy and states that mandatory STD testing gives a false
sense of security because someone may have been infected since
the last time he or she was tested and may be infectious
before being tested again. The Free Speech Coalition
indicates that the current testing program has shown success,
with no HIV positive results in five years until the recent
discovery of current positives. They believe that this bill
reflects a misunderstanding of several critical issues related
to the STDs specified in the bill and a lack of knowledge or
current and more efficient practices already in use within the
industry.
I agree with the fact that the bill had a few unrealistic provisions and restrictions. My question is this: is it possible to re-evaluate a bill and make recommendations to alter certain provisions so that it will be the most beneficial it can be as a whole? It is frustrating to me that the AIDS Healthcare Foundation threw out this bill based on the proposer’s lack of understanding about HIV testing. They were focusing on the messenger rather than the message itself. The ACLU stated that HIV testing gives a "false sense of security". Let me ask this: because condoms are not 100% preventative, does that mean that we should no longer use them? Let me use a scenario. Let us talk about a "false sense of security". A meta-analysis of condom effectiveness from In vivo studies by Dr. Susan Weller suggests a 31% failure rate in preventing HIV transmission. (Weller, Susan, "A Meta-Analysis of Condom Effectiveness in Reducing Sexually Transmitted HIV," Social Science and Medicine, 36:12, 1993)

"It is a disservice to encourage the belief that condoms will prevent sexual transmission of HIV."

Does this mean that condoms should be banished? After all, they do give a false sense of security. Condoms ,according to Dr. Weller's studies, are only about 69% preventative over all against contraction of HIV.

The opposition's side of the argument against such a bill like AB 2798 is weak. What shocks me most is not that someone would make such ludicrous arguments, but that the source of these statements is from a foundation whose sole purpose is AIDS prevention and awareness. One would assume that to fight against an epidemic so ruthless as AIDS, that one would have to go into unknown territory; go down avenues and clean out every crevice in the world. HIV knows no boundaries. AIDS does not care who you are. To be naive enough to think that since someone is in the adult industry that they don't have any other sexual contact is to not know the facts about life in general.

I just want to say something to the AIDS Healthcare Foundation. You are supposed to be about all human life, not just people who you feel deserve it. We are evolved creatures on this planet. Nothing should be able to stop us. Not a plague, not a droughtt, not a flood, not a hurricane, and especially not HIV/AIDS, a preventable disease that has no place in human existence. There is no reason in this universe that we should be giving an open door for our own self-destruction. Leaving the adult industry, particularly the gay market, tainted is self hatred. Even if you do not work in the industry, the mire from it will spread and human existence as we know it will be vanished for good.

HIV is not a game... listen the *#$@ up

I recently had a conversation with a very good friend of mine who was thinking about working for a company that I know uses HIV+ models and who I know for sure does not test their models. This upsets me. He told me that I have to face the truth about this industry and that studios do not test their models. That is bullshit. If you are blatantly hiring models who they know are HIV+ and pair them with other models who are negative because, well, California law states that to require tests from models is an act of discrimination, then you are a push over and a murderer. What people are saying is that the law of a state is more important than the life of their models. Yet, they break the law all the time by filming without a license in certain locations. If the Law is supreme, then follow all of it, not just the parts that suite you. I don't really care about the filming license part. It is hard to always abide by that one. But testing your models for HIV? Come now people, surely if you are so freely breaking the law for your own benefit, could you not do so for the benefit(and I use this word, wishing there was a stronger one to use in place of 'Life' which I will be using a lot in this entree) of your models. It does you no good for your reputation or your quest for riches if your money-makers die. Besides from a business standpoint, let us talk about ethics. I know in this industry, the ethics pool runs pretty shallow and sparse, but on a grander scale of general humanity it is out right murder what some studios are doing. I have a rule of my own that I go by. I will not under any circumstance, for any amount of money, publicity, or exposure work with a model who I do not know of his HIV status. I get tested every 60 days regardless if I have a job or not. It is stomach churning that producers will not respect my right to know about what risk I am putting myself at. It is even more stomach churning to know that models out there know they are HIV+ and care more about getting their pay than the life of their scene partner. I am livid right now and could go on and on about different points about how this whole thing is unethical and criminal and harrowing. I have only a couple more points that I feel need to be addressed.



To the models: nobody is holding a fucking gun to your head telling you that if you don't work you will die. There is always McDonald's or Wal-Mart that is hiring. I know that producers can lie. I know that they can be deceitful about their testing policy and whether or not one exists for them. But, when a company blatantly and out right tells you "No, we do not test our models for HIV" there is no reason to work for them. I know that I am stepping on a lot of big fat toes in the industry, and I hope you are listening. Your life is far more valuable than any amount of collateral a studio gives you. That is money, fame, and recognition. If you get diagnosed with HIV is that studio going to pay for you medical bills? If you die, which isn't such a far cry for HIV+ people, is that studio going to pay for a funeral? I don't think so.



To the studios: You are dwindling down the population of our youth and old alike when you specifically and deliberately refuse or choose not to test the models that you work with. I know that tests can be faulty. But, have you ever heard of AIM? They have this brilliant technology called rapid testing. What this means is that they can test blood work for HIV in a matter of 10 minutes. It ages the blood weeks ahead so that if the blood contains antibodies for AIDS they can know right away. The reason why this is so brilliant is because usually these antibodies don't show up, naturally until weeks after exposure. There is no guessing whether someone happens to be positive or not. I know that a lot of producers like to hide behind the discrimination law that states it is illegal in the state of California to require tests from a performer. Have any of you ever heard of the amended BILL NUMBER: AB 2798 Section 25800? It states that not only can any adult entertainment company be allowed to ask for test results but that must require testing from their models prior to shooting them, by law. (by shooting, I mean filming them... for those who don't know industry terms... just for you, baby). I do not know for sure if this bill has been passed into law yet, but I think we need to get it passed.



I do not know when people started caring more about being sued than spreading HIV. Well, I do know why. Where there is a place for evil to fall, it will inevitably... Fall. These tests cost money. Getting sued costs money. Money, as we all know is what makes the porn... I mean, World go around. Producers like the make as much profit as they possibly can. That is just good business. But, when good business collides with ethics, then maybe it is time to reevaluate our strategies, hey piggies? I am not out to offend people. I am not even concerned with what people will think of me. I am more concerned with my safety and the safety of other models in this corrupted industry.



I am not completely angled out on the latter topic. If this law is not, god forbid, passed yet in the state of California, then why isn't anyone talking about it? We rally up behind our rainbow flags once a year and march around like there's no tomorrow for the civil rights of the LGBT community and yet we are lazed enough to sit back and just accept laws that forbid the allowance of a producer to look after the safety of his or her models? Now, does this make any bit of sense to anyone out there? If it does than please let us change this. We need to start fighting against ignorant government officials who couldn't care less about the safety of its citizens.



I have said a lot today. I hope it sinks in. I hope someone along the way will read this and say something about it. This is a heavy topic that I feel needs to be on the tongues of people in the industry. Just because it is heavy does not mean you cannot talk about it. The more you talk about heavy topics, the stronger the tongue gets and the more we talk, the greater chance for a change, or at least a deep and vast awareness.



Last point I want to make. There are people dying in Africa and around the globe because of this AIDS epidemic. They have done nothing to bring this upon themselves more often than not and we in the industry are going on as if nothing is going on. With great power come great responsibility. You at the top of the food chain: be responsible. You actors and models: do not insult humanity by acting foolish and adding to the problem facing our human existence on this earth. If we keep up like this, we are going to wipe ourselves out, off of this planet forever. Get tested. If you are HIV+, don't murder. Tell people that you are positive and get support. Don't take others down with you. Life is far too precious.



:::RELATED LINKS:::
project red



Bill number: AB 2798



Adult Industry Medical



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World Vision

Grocery shopping trainer application

I have been living on a healthy diet of organic noodles, yogurt, protein juice, and grape nuts for a month. I haven't had such a dire need for ice cream and chocolate as I do now. Yesterday I saw someone had a chocolate pie in the fridge. I saw it in the morning and I was still thinking about it late last night. I am not the type of person to be a bitch and eat other people's food, so I opened my cupboard and saw that I had some cranberry sauce, green beens, organic fetucchini, and come moldy bread. Needless to say, I have to go grocery shopping. I hate it. Every time I go, I never remember what I wanted to buy and I wind up bringing home canned cheriies in water and some expesnvie juice that is gone in two days. Someone help me!! I need some grocery shopping training. Please send your resume to blairxblair@aol.com Thanks peeps. MUAH!
Maybe this lady can help me. Look at her and her little calculator all organized and what not. CUTe, Lady... now, take me shopping and teach me your ways, oh queen goddess of the shopping cart.

Biggest Childhood Fear

We all had fears as children. Sure we were all afraid of monsters and villains of darkness, but we all had fears so great and so powerful that no image or story could hold them. One of those for me happened to be people finding out I was gay. Maybe this isn't a real threat to a kid who is surrounded by all different types of people who are as tolerant of sexual orientation as they are race and religion. In the hillbilly woods of Michigan, however, this was not a luxury I was blessed with. Ever since I was a toddler I was dressing myself up like a girl, pretending to be one of my sister's Barbie dolls. I remember I used to call myself "Elliot" and run around the house in an oversized t-shirt I thought resembles a dress and one of my mother's white doilies as a wig. One day my dad found me trying on one of my sister's dresses in my room. He beet me, of course and told me he wasn't going to raise a sissy boy. I am not telling you this for sympathy. I rather enjoy pain and didn't mind the bruises and much as I did the mental and emotional anguish that came along with it. I always asked my parents to beet me instead of yell at me. Back to the point. I never knew that there were people who would be accepting of my homosexuality, bi-curiousness, a-sexual behavior, or anything. I have to admit that my sexual tendencies would be hard to explain and understand. I didn't put forth the effort to try and understand or explain. I went about my life hiding this beast inside of me. I actually would blast my radio at night so that if I was having one of my erotic fantasy dreams and accidentally spoke out loud during sleep, people would hear me and know I was dreaming about penis. It was a very big fear of mine. Now that I am out and proud, I am still dealing with it. America has its own preconceived notions about how men should dress, what they should eat and drink, how they should speak, and what they should fuck. My parents were the same way. Being bisexual, I think it was easier to date girls in high school and let everyone think I was straight, including my parents. Their whole perspective changed when my mom of all people worked up the courage to ask me if I was gay. I remember it distinctly. I had just come from working at summer camp where I learned all about myself and who I was as a person. I did not have to hide anything there because everyone knew I was gay and welcomed it. When I came back home, apparently according to my stepfather, I looked real gay. My hair was blonde from being in the sun all the time, I had a pierced ear and my mannerisms changed. My mom obviously always knew as well as everyone else. When you live with someone who sings out loud to every Mariah Carey album known to man and sees him hang around a bunch of fag hags, and ONLY fag hags all through school, seeing him in the school plays, you have to start asking the questions ,"Is he gay?" and "Will I still love him if he is?". I told my mom that I was Bi, which happened to be true that day. She asked if I used protection. I said always. All of my parents( I say all because I have 5 of them) and siblings know now, and it is such a relief. My Biggest fear growing up has come to pass, and now it doesn't scare me at all anymore. Now, I can't imagine not being out. The idea of hiding my sexuality is so foreign to me now. I hope that anyone who reads this and has trouble coming out to their family to please email me. I am here for support and encouragement. Or, if you have an interesting coming out story, I would love to hear it. Or if you would like to tell me about your biggest fear as a child. I love people because they all have a story to tell. We are all in this together.

Depressed? Hung Over? Mad? I have a solution...

Get off your ass and mow the grass! And I don't mean to smoke it, either. It is a scientific fact that exercise or any other active activity boosts endorphins in the brain. What endorphins do is they act as our bodies' own natural morphine. They bring pleasure. It is funny, now that I think about it, this is the reason why I laugh when fall and scrape my knees, or any kind of physical pain really. We can get addicted to emotions very easily. All emotions are consist of are chemicals. They are actually called neurotransmitters. The reason they are called that is because they transmit signals to your nervous system. Anyway, endorphins could be just as easily addicting as cigarettes or coffee. If you are doing something healthy that brings a rush of these chemicals to your body, I say go for it, lavish your addictive self. This is why people say things like, "I am a sex addict" or "I can't stop going to the gym" and "I am such a giggle box, all day I laugh and enjoy myself". I'm not saying that you should be laughing while having sex, or having sex at the gym (though I would give you props for filling out one of my fantasies). I am also not saying that you shouldn't. That's not the point, the point is this: physical exercise, whether it be working on your abs while watching Austin Powers, or banging the Saturday night trick, or even pumping iron, you are creating for yourself an escape to a happy place. The great thing about this place, is that the more you visit it, the less distance you have to travel back to reality, until one day, the happy place becomes reality. This is how I got over being depressed, how I got off cigarettes, how I stopped drinking. Exercise, people. Especially at those times when everything is crashing down around you. Those are the times when you need to be taking care of yourself. It will help you to refocus and to train your energy towards finding a solution instead of wallowing in woe. So, get on the treadmill or go see a funny movie. Get the endorphins flowing!!!

Amy Winehouse on the cover of...

Guess who is gracing the cover of rolling stone magazine? You guessed it, none other than Ms. Amy Winehouse. I am readin the article about her right now, and it is very interesting. It says all the positive things I have been saying about her all along. She is the coolest fucking lady in the world. I love her to death. Amy, congratulations baby. We all lov you!
♥ ♥♥♥♥♥

French Fries

I love languages. I love learning them, speaking them and listening to them. Here are some foreign lines for your exotic appetite. Eat up!

voule vu coche avec moi-would you like to sleep with me(French)
C'est la Vie-It is the life,"That's life"(French)
oinj-weed joint(French)
ta race-fuck you(French)
Ta gueule-shut up(French)
trucide-to beat someone(French)
GAH-term used for surpise or frustration, depending on the tone(French)
tres fabu-very fabulous(French)

"voule vu coche avec moi?"
"ta race!"

Besos!Ciao

A Peak in my mind: Lyrics to a bike ride song

Creepy Black

Semi-Truck

On the side of the road

Creepy Black

Semi-Truck

On the side of the road

It's beginning to move

It's beginning to move

Its tires are beginning to move

Its tires are turning

While my eyes are burning

On the side of the road

Its tires are turning

And my eyes are burning

On the side of the road

It's following me

It's following me

It's following me

The moon shines down on us

On the side of the road

The moon shines down on us

On the side of the road

The moon shines down on its frame

The moon shines down on its frame

The moon shines down on us

On the side of the road