Hmm...

I have noticed somewhat of a lack of interest in this blog. I want to know your opinions and concerns. What do you want me to talk about? Do you have any questions for me? Would you like to see more or lessof aparticular thing? This is your chance to speak your mind. I really love all my readers and I want to keep you interested. Let me know exactly what would stir you spoon. Lol. Because spooning leads to forking. So I am told. Hehe. Post your comments, concerns, ideas, and anything elsein here.

Thanks

Luv, B

MUAHZIES!!!

Starbucks Raising Prices?

Yes, it is true. I recently added a few fixtures to my blog, one being a newsroll. The video news of the day is this: Starbucks raising prices. They say that the reasons for the price hike is turmoil in the coffee industry and also the higher price on milk. Well, the one thing I always get at starbucks has nothing to do with coffe and/or milk. My fix? A venti iced soy chai. Chai is tea, and soy is non-dairy. So, I don't think it is fair. That little piece of heaven is four dollars as it is. But, the estimated nine cent hike won't make much of a difference I suppose since it is so expensive anyway. It is just not fair!!! Just kidding. I am not a lunie bin. Well, maybe a little.

Shut Up...

Do you all remember the huge controversy over a little, 3 second remark made by The Dixie Chicks in 2003 while on tour in Europe? If you don't, let me refresh your memory. Natalie, the lead singer, made a comment in London on stage, on the eve of the war in Iraq, about the president. She said, “We are on the same side as you guys, we don't want this war... We are ashamed that the President of the United States is from Texas." That small remark shot a sonic boom through the media in the U.K. and eventually snowballed its way over here to the States. The media covered it in such a bias and trite way. Radio stations banned their music, fans had mass burnings of their CDs, their sponsors pulled out of the tour. It was a horrible and unnecessary mess. The reason I am bringing this up is because I recently watched a documentary about life for the girls after the comment was made in London.
Click here to watch
I am not a huge fan of country music, but I have always loved The Dixie Chicks. They are genuine and make amazing music. Not to mention, their political beliefs run pretty close with my own. It makes me sad that their momentum as America's favorite girl band had to come to a grinding halt because they were not afraid to speak genuinely and without apology. Hmm... sounds like someone you know, right? You better fucking say right! Just kidding. ;)
So, anyway, there are some interviews that were not shown in the documentary, Shut Up and Sing, or happened after the it was finished. So I decided to scout them out and present them to you, because I know how much you appreciate your favorites blogger's hard work and dedication to your enlightenment and education. Jus kidding again. ;) Here they are...


Now look at where we are today as a nation. Bush haters are more prevalent today in America than fast food chains and drugged up celebrities, of whom a lot hate the president also. It is really ridiculous of how ignorant people, particularly Americans, are today. I have been thinking a lot about religion and politics and how the two are pretty much inseparable in the United States. In fact, this is a global plague. Do you remember Mitt Romney? He is a Mormon and he is running for presidency. Now, if reading that made you feel any emotion whatsoever, than maybe you shouldn't read on. For those of you who couldn't care less about what the president's religious beliefs are and see no problem with a Mormon being president, I feel the same way. Why the fuss?
Religion poisons everything. It breeds hate and confusion. Just like a dictatorship. Hitler used the same tactics to recruit his army as religion does. "Just have faith" they say. Well, this seems very irrational, being the fact that every religion on the face of the earth has said the same thing. It makes no sense why I should blindly follow someone just because they think I should.
The same logic would be applied in politics. You can be a half-wit ad believe everything Mr. President tells you. You can blindly follow him and support him just because he is the president. You can give up any intellect or self responsibility and defend a man who couldn't care less about you. You can be a sheep, or there is an alternative. Educate yourself and think. If you don't think you can think for yourself or that "political mumbo jumbo" is too much for your mushy brain to comprehend, well maybe I am not surprised by your lack of individuality and proneness to jump on the bandwagon. The right-wing bandwagon is getting old. The wood is corrupt and its nuts and bolts have been replaced with lies and reliance on the public's naivety. I never believed in jumping on bandwagons. I tried once, I didn't fit on. There is never enough room for me.
When are we going to stop hindering out human evolution? When are we all going to wake up and see the world as it truly is? I hope it is one day very soon, because I am starting to get a headache from all of the primitivity.

Just some updates...

I am finally figuring things out. For the last few days I have been stressed right the fuck out because I was juggling possibilities with definities and dependants. That is very hard to do. I knew relative dates for things but didn't know for sure about the other things all the while, waiting for dates so I could schedule other things. I guess my wishes are coming to pass. I said from the beginning of my new professional life with my new manager that I wanted to get to the point where I had to keep a schedule because of how busy I would be. Well, I am playing balancing acts. Though it may me stressful and all, I really find a hidden blessing in it. I could be scrounging for work. I don't think that is going to happen any time soon. One can be overly optimistic, right? Of course I can.
So, tonight I refreshed my myspace page. I know, this is kind of silly to be talking about, but hey. I am really proud of how it looks and I think you will enjoy it also. Click here to see. Or go to myspace.com/blair_mason. You should add me if you haven't already. It is the only way to see my page as it is set to private.
Um.. I know this is a really boring blog post, but I had something amazing to post earlier. But... there is always a but... My horoscope said that today I would talk without thinking, that I would have the urge to say some very provocative things. It said that if I held off I would gain some very interesting insights. So... me being that starving-for-answers kind of new-agey that I am, I decided to try and learn from refraining my post. So far, I haven't learned a damned thing. If by noon tomorrow I haven't gained any "interesting insights" I will post what I originally wanted to. Otherwise, I will tell you what insight I gained. Either way, tomorrow's post will be much more exciting, I promise.
For those of you who stuck it out until this end of this bore-fest, check out my myspace(myspace.com/blair_mason) and stay tuned, because I am going to attempt to revamp the look of my blog yet again. I don't like things to stay the same for too long, I get bored. LOL... if this annoys you... tough titty said the kitty but the milk's still good. And so are the stale cheerios floating around in it. Think about that for a while, my li'l chillins!!!

The B! True Shittlewod Story

Mommy"Shut it, Rims` ... Mommy cares about you... That is why I'm not going to tell you that Ms. Burburry down the street is a dealer... Because I love you... Now go have fun"
Rims"How far down the street was that?"
Mommy"I'm not going to tell you that it is 2 block, second house on the right... Because I love you... A loving mother doesn't say that the shutters are white and there's a Chiwawa in the front yard that looks like your father when he is constipated"
Rims"and which father am I not supposed to know the Chiwawa looks like?"
Rims"The drugged up one, or the fake one that I made up in my bouts of denial?"
Rims"I think I shall go for a walk in search of... ummm... a song... or something... while you work on dinner, ma. Be back ina few hours. By the way, do you have an extra straw I can borrow?"
Mommy"Hmm... The drugged up one honey... Now if you don't want to turn out like that, than I suggest you try and keep your mind off of your feening addiction... Go out on a nice night on the town with Harlot or Loony ... Those are nice girls, you can learn a lot from them. That ... Loony She can sing. Why don't you two practice voice lessons together?!"
Mommy"Oh honey... Here's a hundred dollar bill... It works better than a straw... you don't want anyone thinking ur a white trash honkey who uses silly ol' straws? I raised you better than that, you classy girl"
Rims"Nah... I'm going to go visit Rar Belly in prison... I promised him I would even though I'm not fourteen anymore.
Rims"Oh ma, that 100 bill isn't crisp anymore... can I have another?"
Mommy"Well... Maybe if you DID visit him when you were 14, mommy wouldn't have to settle for the outlet Pucci and she could go to Shitsons more than three lousy times a week"
Rims"Sorry bout that Ma... I was busy being exploited by my dead beat father
Mommy"Oh honey... you know where mommy keeps her stash... Here's the key, here's the map, here's the time machine, here's the silly putty, here's the butter knife....."
Rims"Hey, have you seen my bag full of $2,000,000 worth of jewelry... I think I left it at the airport and I can't find it
Rims"It's in an orange Fermes bag"
Mommy"Honey... If you can't learn to keep track of ur scrap metal... Shame... Luckily your mommy keeps track... Its in the safe"
Mommy"You have everything you need... Now get get it, mut!"
Rims"ummm... ALL of it?"
Rims"It better ALL be there when I come back from... my walk around the neighborhood"
Mommy"Oh you caught me... Here's the worn down toothbrush and bag of explosives... NOW you have everything... your so KEEN and observant, baby!"
Rims"Thanks Ma. Now I want some cigs"
Mommy"Honey... I'm not going to enable you anymore... I told you!!!! If I was an enabler, I would say there's a pack in my purse on the counter... But since I'm not, well your just going to have to learn to feed your soul rather than your addiction"

*The above story is based aroud fictitious characters*

Sigur Rós: my love affair

I first fell in love with this band in high school. I used to watch The International Music Feed and be amazed at the nuance of creativity in the world. I used to watch it because MTV stopped playing music videos and the mainstream music at the time was so fucking boring. Anyway, oe day I watched the most inspiring music video of my life: Glósóli. The song literally means
glowing sun. The music video revolves around a picture of this drummer boy summoning the children in the land to find the sun. The song is a gradual epic climax to the point where these kids jump of the edge of a cliff and fly into the sun. It is beautiful and amazing.

Here is a little bio on the band.

Taken from Wikipedia, the free online encyclopedia


Sigur Rós is an Icelandic post-rock band with melodic, classical and minimalist elements. The band is known for its ethereal sound and lead singer Jónsi’s falsetto.



Jón Þór (Jónsi) Birgisson, Georg Hólm and Ágúst Ævar Gunnarsson formed the group in Reykjavík in August 1994. Their name is taken from Jónsi's younger sister Sigurrós, who was born the same day as the band was. They soon won a record deal with the local Sugarcubes owned record label, Bad Taste. In 1997, they released Von (Hope) and in 1998 a remix collection named Von brigði. The name is Icelandic wordplay: Vonbrigði means "disappointment", but Von brigði means "hope alteration".

International acclaim came with 1999's Ágætis byrjun (An alright start) for which the band were joined by Kjartan Sveinsson. The album's reputation slowly spread by word of mouth over the next two years. Soon many critics worldwide hailed it as one of the best albums of its time and the band was playing with Radiohead and other big names. Three songs, Ágætis byrjun's title track, its first single "Svefn-g-englar", and a live take of the then-unreleased "Njósnavélin" (to become "Untitled #4") appeared in the Cameron Crowe film Vanilla Sky. The two songs also subsequently appeared in the television series Queer as Folk. Their music has also appeared in 24 (the TV series) with Ný batterí, CSI and CSI Miami. In 2004 Wes Anderson used "Starálfur" in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou as did the Emmy winning 2005 TV film The Girl in the Café and "Untitled 3" (a.k.a. Samskeyti) can be heard in the final scene from the Greg Araki film Mysterious Skin. They are also used in Enki Bilal's Immortel (Ad Vitam).

After the release of Ágætis byrjun, the band became perhaps most well known for Jónsi's signature style of playing guitar with the bow from a cello, accentuated with reverb, creating a sweeping, fluid sound that is unique for an electric guitar.

Drummer Ágúst left the band after the recording of Ágætis byrjun and was replaced by Orri Páll Dýrason. In 2002, their highly anticipated follow-up album was released. Upon release all tracks on the album were untitled, though the band later published song names on their website. Famously all of the lyrics on are sung in Vonlenska, also known as Hopelandic, a constructed language of nonsense syllables which resembles the sound of the Icelandic language. It has also been said that the listener is supposed to interpret their own meanings of the lyrics which can then be written in the blank pages in the album booklet.

In October of 2003, Sigur Rós joined Radiohead in composing music for Merce Cunningham's dance piece Split Sides; Sigur Rós’s three tracks were named Ba Ba Ti Ki Di Do and released in March of 2004. The band's 1997 debut album Von also finally found a U.S. and U.K. release in October of 2004.

Their latest album, Takk... (Thanks...), combines their second album's style with a more rockish, structured sound, and was released on September 13, 2005, with a legal download of their first single, "Glósóli", made available on August 15. For North American fans, "Sæglópur" was made available for download on August 16. "Hoppípolla", the second official single from Takk..., was released on November 28 alongside a new studio remake of "Hafsól", a song that was previously released on the band's 1997 debut, Von. "Hoppípolla" was used in the trailers for the BBC's natural history series Planet Earth in 2006, as well as the closing credits for the 2006 FA Cup final and ITV's coverage of the 2006 Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race, adverts for the BBC's coverage of England games during the 2006 FIFA World Cup, on television advertisements for RTÉ's Gaelic Games coverage in Ireland and on an advert for Oxfam. It was also utilised on the trailer of the film Children of Men. Following this, demand for the single grew. It was made more widely available by EMI in consequence.

An extended Sæglópur EP was released on July 10, 2006 in most parts of the world and on August 8 in the United States. Its original release date was May 8, but because of the sudden demand of "Hoppípolla" it was pushed back from that date. Sigur Rós recorded three new songs to appear on the EP ("Refur", "Ó Fridur", and "Kafari").


A Sigur Rós concert in Hong KongIn July 2006, Sigur Rós finished a major world tour with stops in Europe, the United States, where they played a headline show at the Hollywood Bowl, Canada, Australia, New Zealand, Hong Kong and Japan. They followed up with a series of free outdoor concerts throughout Iceland in July, which were filmed for a future DVD release. The band has started work on a full-length follow up album to Takk..., which they expect to finish recording during 2007. They also performed twice in the United States in February.

In an interview with Fréttablaðið newspaper, Georg says it remains to be seen whether the band will be taking a totally new direction on the album. “We have finished recording a few songs but some more things need to be done. We don’t know exactly where the album is heading yet. We are really just experimenting at this stage. Some of the songs we recorded are old songs which we had written a while ago, unreleased material which we never got a chance to finish. We decided it was time they were recorded.” Georg says there is a possibility the album will be released this year but nothing is confirmed at this point.

To date, Sigur Rós have sold over 2 million albums worldwide.


This band sings in Icelandic and an invented ghost language called "hopelandic". It isn't a real language, of course. Sometimes singers have music with no words. Sometimes they fill in what are called "ghost lyrics" or lyrics that have no real meaning and are just there to sing along with to get the feeling of the melody. Instead of using ghost lyrics, they just use gibberish. It isn't so mysterious.

That song,Glósóli used to be my favorite of theirs until just recently. I found another video of theirs. The titles of the song: Sæglópur(sigh-CHLO-pur). Which translates:lost at sea. Here is the video. Also, very amazing.


Check out their myspace page here or at myspace.com/sigurros.

Check out their official website here or at sigurros.com

Sleeping in the Battlefield

Or is it battling in the sleeping field? I can't sleep tonight for more than an hour at a time. Perhaps it is because my mind keeps suggesting something is wrong. Perhaps that is because of my little adventure today. I hate staying in the house. Being a full time model gets pretty boring. Especially when one doesn't have a car (yet). I do, however, have a bike. Today I felt like a lazy bitch. I hopped on that bike and rode it. For a very long time I rode my bike. For two straight hours I rode my bike. I think it was about twenty miles to the gym. I rode on my bike to the gym ad worked out for about an hour and a half. I hopped back on my bike and rode back home. Two hours later I was taking a shower in my house wondering how the fuck I got there. The ride back home was at night. Let me tell you, the scariest thing for an imaginary mind to be doing is riding around the middle of the desert, lost, at night. I hate Vegas for this one reason: there are no through roads anywhere. It is very hard to travel on bike around here when you make silly assumptions that the same road is in one complete piece. Nope. There is one road, the one I tried to take, that goes for a while then all of a sudden turns into desert wasteland, then train tracks then... OOPS!! A flood canal with a six foot fence around it. This road picks back up on the other side of this canal about a mile away. What the fuck sense does that make? Absolutely none.
So, anyway I am trying to sleep and I am still in a state of shock that I actually made it home... alive. I guess my mind is just so petrified it can't let me rest. Well... here I go again. Maybe Betty Suarez will put me to sleep. I always loved her silly making-her-pitiful-life-seem-so-unnecessarily-relevant kind of style about her. Makes me reminisce the days when all I had to worry about was how to say "hi" to a crush. Oh wait... my life was ever simple. Eh... some of us just live vicariously through other people to make us feel like maybe this really is our life, even for a split moment. Especially if it is a fictitious character.
Anyway, here I go. Good night. If I wake up in an hour, I will be sure and make an edit to this ridiculous documentation of my sleepless night.

A Dingo Stole my Baby!!

More like Lauryn Hill's damn mind!

According to sources at Lauryn Hill's Norway concert this weekend, her crazy demands are even more out of control. apparently she demanded that all her security guards be black, none of them could look at her--even from backstage, no one around her could speak to her unless she speaks to them first, and no one could walk past her backstage. Chick clearly has some issues.

When one security guard forgot one of the rules and said something to her, she allegedly lost her damn mind nd started throwing water bottles at him. And after the power went out in the venue--Lauryn refused to continue once the power came back on. Folks had to get a refund. Poor Lauryn. Crack kills.


I used to like Lauryn Hill. I even listened to her album yesterday. She used to be one amazing lady. Now I keep hearing about her obsession with turning everyone around her black and acting like some diva. Baby, you're no diva. You made a couple hits with The Fugees way back when and you made one solo album. I heard a couple little songs of yours on a various artists CD, but your career is surely over.

So sad. All these crazy bitches thinking they still have something to offer the world. It seems like everyday I am seeing something else about another Hollywood girl gone bad. Britney, Paris, Nicole, Lindsay, now Lauryn? Who's next? It is anyone's guess at this point. All I know is that Wacko Jacko has nothing on these girls.

Oh, speaking of the devil: he is moving here to Las Vegas soon. Does this mean another washed up celebrity Dragone show? Let's hope for our stomach's sake not. This is the last year for Miss Thang Celine. I think I am going to HAVE to buy tickets and go see the show before it ends. I love her. I think she might be the only halfway descent celebrity show on the strip. Unless of course you enjoy Hassling the Hoff. Bahaha. I am sure his show is a great success. Who doesn't want to see Mr. Baywatch himself on stage... singing does he? I don't know. All I know is that is one show I am staying far away from.

Just thinking... this could be dangerous

I have a ton to think about these days. I just got back from San Diego pride. That was an emotional rollercoaster. I am trying to get my career going in the right direction so I can make something of it. Right now I am dealing with a lot of things from my past that I never got the chance to really face head on. One of those things being the fear of poverty. I guess that is one factor in why I am doing what I am doing now. All through high school my parents instilled this fear of not having money into me. I was a kid and I wanted to just have fun. They pushed me into working at a young age, which I am looking back with gratitude because it taught me a lot. But, my parents made me pay for everything and I had to work pretty much full time. I had no life. Now I am almost stable in my finances and my parents are still struggling. I called my best friend, Eric yesterday and told him about this. He said the most amazing thing to me. "You're mom is just jealous because her ass is still stuck in Michigan and you are out doing things and making things happen and you are happy. Don't le her make you feel guilty for having money.".
That completely made me feel better. I guess I am still in the process of letting go of old, outdated values. That is just part of growing up. I still feel like a child in many ways. Perhaps if I saw a man in the mirror every morning, I would feel differently. That is very curious. I know I don't look a day over 18 and I guess people treat me like a kid because I look like one. I don't know. Perhaps that is another reason my parents aren’t super supportive about my life and the choices that I make. They still think they know best.
Another thing I am trying to deal with is this detachment from everything I used to know. I mean, not only have I moved half way across the country, but my family has changed so much. I have no idea why all these memories keep popping up about my childhood. I keep hearing music, or watching movies, or eating certain foods, or even just having random thoughts that remind me of what used to be and never will be again. I guess that is the hardest part of growing up. Everything loses the magic it once had. I never get scared from scary movies anymore. Ice cream doesn't taste as amazing as it used to. The thought of running through the sprinkler in my gym shorts seems like a silly waste of time. Even music sounds all the same to me.
I remember going to the club for my first time. It must have been the most amazing experience of my entire life. I was with my old group of friends and we all got drunk on the 2 hour ride down. I remember thinking how fun it was to be gay. At that point in my life I was still caught up in the newness of coming out. I had been sheltered my whole life. I had only kissed one person. I never had sex. I was still fresh to the whole scene. Even calling Eric reminded me of what used to be. That group of friends fell apart.
Basically I am waiting for someone to tell me that everything horrible that happened in my life has its purpose. I am waiting for an epiphany. I am waiting. Seriously, life is a crazy bitch. I don't know why everything I try ad keep together falls apart. In retrospect, I suppose I bring it on myself. I love change. I don't like mundane. I do hate things to stay the same. What I don't realize most of the time is that I am going to regret letting these things go. I can't go back and have my family put back together. I can't go back and bring all my friends together. I can’t go back to high school and change that experience. All I can do is create the life I want right now.
I am working towards getting myself in a position to do everything I ever dreamed about doing. Slowly it is all coming to a head and things are picking up, but meanwhile I keep thinking about the past. I guess there is one sliver lining around this could: I can learn from it. I can learn from my parents what NOT to do with money. I can learn from my family that if I should have children to make their childhood something they can look back on with joy instead of regret that the shortest period in their life was not all it could have been. I can learn from my old relationships falling apart that the only thing you can do is make as many good memories from the relationships that you have. Memories are the only thing we have to connect us to the past. I am learning as I type these words that I need to make lasting memories right now. I don't want to regret not making the most of this point in my life. So, that is what I am going to do. I am going to make it my goal to just make memories. Granted, I am going to still take care of responsibilities, but the ones I have right now will not be the same in a few months. They never are. So, memories are my main priority right now. From now on.

San Diego Pride

I recently attended San Diego's pride festival of 2007. It was nothing less than amazing. I went down with two of my very sexy and very fun friends, Ben and Ethan. We made a little road trip out of it. By little I mean a six hour drive from Las Vegas to San Diego. It was fun. I rode with Ethan in his little Ginch-mobile. That car has to be the cutest thing I have ever seen in my life.

We had a good trip there. When we got there we all crashed from travel exhaustion. I am going to tell you all a secret. You know, actually, I have been saying that a lot lately. I guess if I do tell a secret on here, then it isn't really a secret is it? Well, here is my used-to-be secret. I am a sleepwalker. I walk, talk, and beat my bedmates up in my sleep. The first night wasn't so bad. I just made strange noises. The second night I was stealing pillows and yelling about my hair. The third night, and this is the best part of the entire trip; well, I like chronologicality, so I will save that for the end.

Right now I want to talk about pride itself. I was with my friends and we were selling Ginch Gonch. We shared a booth with Just Us Boys. They were selling ID Lube. It was a beautiful combination. Hehe. So anyway, the first day, Saturday, we got there ad we were swamped with fans and people wanting to buy undies. Well, when I say we I mean the boys were swamped with fans and us other two were selling underwear. I am going to be truthful, it kind of made me feel insecure. I am never about making statements or pushing the envelope or myself when it isn't my place. I really felt out of place on Saturday. To add to this, Brent Corrigan's "boyfriend"(I am not sure what terms to use for what they constitute as a relationship, being I only met them both once and I was drunk.) says from the mob in front of the booth, “Blair!". I got all excited thinking one of my fans actually recognized me and wanted to say hello. I gazed up... it was only Brent's lover daddy. He handed me a promo card for Brent’s new site and says ,"Just wanted to give you that". I made it a point to look disgusted and threw the card angrily under the table. What kind of a gesture was that? Was he suggesting that I go to this site and go all goo-goo eyed over Brent Corrigan? Maybe he was trying to give me epidemic access to feed my ever growing interest in Brent. Haha. I was confused and by this time I was perturbed. Pride was turning out to not be all that fun. Then Sunday came along.

Sunday was a completely different story. It wasn't as crowded in the adult section where we were for some reason. I got to see some of my porn friends, Lex Sabre and my brother Tyler Mason along with Cody Fallon, Tommy Blade, and all the hot little twinks from Helix Studios. I even had a couple people who wanted to take pictures with little ol' me!

I was pleasantly surprised and very humbled. Probably the best part of the whole day was when I got a chance to be interviewed by Angel. I saw him interviewing all these other people on Saturday and God knows even that added to the pile. Angel, being the sweetheart that he is, took time to interview me. I was so happy with the questions he was asking and the chance to just introduce myself to the world. I don't get very many opportunities for that, so every chance I get is like heaven. As Oprah would say, Halleluyer!!! Haha.

This weekend was pretty eventful. But, nothing from this weekend will stick in my memory more than this. As I said earlier, I sleepwalk. I usually do this when I am sleeping in the same room with other people. I don't know why. It just happens. Well, on Sunday night I was pretty wound up emotionally. I was still feeling little snippets from Saturday and the events of Sunday were still very vivid and colorful and powerful in playing their role towards creating my emotional status. I went to sleep pretty fast. The next thing I know I am trying to crawl into bed with Ben and Ethan! I had no idea what was going on, all I knew at that moment was that I was tired and needed to sleep. I think I thought that their bed was my bed. I have no idea. That isn't even the worst part. Ethan notices the fluctuation in the pressure of the mattress and looks up to see me hovering over them. "What are you doing?", he said. "Oh My God! Sorry! I thought you were Japanese!", I stammered as I cowered back shamefully back to my bed clear across the room. It had to have been the most bizarre moments of lack of logic in my entire life. It made absolutely no sense at all. I know some of you reading this will probably jump to conclusions saying that I was trying to fuck with them or whatever, but they are seriously like brothers to me. The thought of doing anything sexually with them is so foreign to me. So there!

On Monday we all got up a little later than usual ad took it easy getting ready to go. We went down to the beach and walked around. I took off my shirt and I had a fucking farmer's tan from being stubborn at pride. See, people kept telling me to take off my shirt and run around in my skivvies. Like I said, I am not about putting myself out there when it isn't my place. I am also not about making statements when it isn't my place. Maybe I was being irrational, but I wasn't comfortable with taking off my clothes at pride. I now wish I would have just not made such a big deal of it, because I am shooting in a few weeks and I have a ghetto ass farmer's tan. Anyway, so we were at the beach and I took my shirt off and tried to even out the hideousness. No luck. We went to eat at this Greek place. There is so much Hummus and Gyros in Southern California I felt like wearing an olive branch crown on my head ad a toga on my butt. I decided that maybe that would have been a bit much. LoL. So, we did all that and made our journey back home. Last night I got back around 10pm and didn't get to sleep until about 3am. OH LOOK! Here I go again. It is almost 3 again and I think I just created a bad sleeping pattern. I wonder if I can go crawl into bed with a Japanese person to cure it. I don't know. I do know this: I am tired and beyond the point of making sense, so I am going to go now.

Goodnight, everyone. Love you to pieces.

Luv, B

MUAH!!!

I am sorry.

I never say that. I believe there is a time and place for everything. I only say I am sorry if I truly mean it. I recently posted a blog that was very controversial in nature, and some may say prejudice. I want my readers to know that I love you all no matter what color you are. Last night I was very exhausted and stressed out and my mind was not in the right place to be writing. I want to clear up a few things.

First off, I have been talking to people today about this topic of labels. I know now that people aren't the ones who are labeling themselves, but more so it is the government. All throughout our school years we were forced to label ourselves by race on those stupid scantron tests. I realize now that I was being overly harsh and that my words came across in the completely wrong way. I am going to keep the post up because I am all about being honest and open and not hiding my past mistakes. I just hope that you who read the last post and were offended that you accept my deep and genuine apology. I never set out to harm anyone. I do, however, set out to stir emotions and provoke thoughts and feelings that may be buried deep within society’s crust.

Second, I am not completely white. I am a mix of a ton of different races and backgrounds. I do not consider myself to be superior to anyone. I actually in a number of cases feel very inferior to people around me. HAH! You know a secret now. I make sure nobody ever sees it. Why give their ego the pleasure? Did you forget that I am gay? Did you forget that I am in porn? I have two things going against me in the everyday mainstream society that I find myself surrounded by. The latter is my choice, but is frowned upon by a lot of people. For me to feel superior to anyone would be very risky, as someone could call me out on so much and make me feel inferior. I just skip the whole process and respect everyone and have understanding for everyone I come across as I would have them do for me.

I am 19 years old. That is not an excuse i the least bit. I have a lot to learn about life and about people. Please understand that anything I write in here is only a snapshot of my current perception. Right now, my perception has been cleared. I know that I am sort of known for speaking my mind. I will never apologize for that. What I am apologizing for now is posting irresponsibly. I usually try and do a bit more research on world and society issues before I post anything about them. I wasn't in the right frame of mind last night to write anything and look what happened. For that I do apologize. I love you all very much.

So! If you could forgive me ad accept my apology, post a smiley face in the comments section of this post. I don't want to lose my readers because of a stupid mistake. I will do whatever it takes to make you happy with me. Just let me know and I will do the best I can.

Lindsay: Jail Bird?

Yes. Lindsay Lohan is said to have been arrested. Just after stepping out of rehab, she was arrested for cocaine possession. This is surely the end of party girl Lohan.

This makes me kind, I don't know, happy. Karma is a bitch and I am always happy she is doing her job. Even if she cracks down on me, it makes me feel like at least someone is watching and pursuing some sort of cosmic justice. Of course, I wouldn't wish jail on anyone. Not that I know what it is like, but I do know what it isn't like. It isn't like a crack whore's dream come true.

As I said in the previous post, these bitches are the ones who are representing us to the rest of the world. Paris Hilton shows the world that we are retarded and can't think for ourselves and try to blame our messes on others. Nicole Richie shows the world that we hold no value for human life and use it as a pawn to stay out of imprisonment. Lindsay Lohan is telling the world that Americans are crack whores who party all the time and don't care how destructive our lives becomes, even when it becomes to late.

Thanks, Linz. We appreciate it.

In the heat of the moment... inspiration provoked insomnia

Apparently I have now become so attached to staying true to my readers, of whom I am finding out lately are in more abundance than my latter notions led me to believe, is more important to me than sleep. Eh... I have all the time in the world to sleep when I take the big nap! I really do love sleep, and I also love you! So, I am attempting to kill two birds with; ERR; I am trying to have my cake and eat it, too. So much to talk about, so little motivation at such a late hour, but, nonetheless, I am receiving an aching urge to write something to pacify my, what has now become religious, yearning to keep this blog a true revelation of my mind. So this is coming to you from a somewhat guilt alleviating platform and then again a religious angst and nudge to stay true and real. SO! Right now my mind is thinking about a song. I first saw this music video at the gym. If you read two of my very close friends' blogs this latter statement will give you a sense of nostalgia or deja vu as we all have a beautiful little habit of finding new and incredible songs, news, and other forms of intriguing media while pumping iron and shaping our manly buns. Any who, back to the subject matter at hand. The subject matter that will kill Miss insomnia with a single deadly blow to the chest. One can dream, and that is all I want to do tonight. Write to you all so I can alleviate this melancholy guilt, ergo, killing Ms. Insomnia. Here it is.


Icky Thump
By: The White Stripes
Iiiiieee.
Icky Thump
Who'da Thunk?
Sittin' drunk on a wagon to Mexico?

Ah Well
What a Chump.
Well My Head Gotta Bump
When I Hit it On The Radio

RedHead Senorita
Looking Dead
Came and Said,
"Need a Bed?"
En Espanol

I Said, "Gimme a Drink a Water,
I'm Gonna 'Sing Around the Collar'
And I Don't Need a Microphone"

Icky Thump
With a Lump In My Throat
Grabbed My Coat
And I Was Freaking
I Was Ready To Go!

And I Swear
Besides The Hair
She Had One White Eye
One Blank Stare
Lookin' Up


Lyin' There.

On The Stand
Near Her Hand
Was A Candy Cane.
Black Rum, Sugar Cane.
Dry Ice (and) Something Strange.

La La La La La La La
La La La La La La La

White Americans, What?
Nothing Better To Do?
Why Don't You Kick Yourself Out
You're An Immigrant Too

Who's Using Who?
What Should We Do?
Well, You Can't Be A Pimp
And A Prostitute Too.

Icky Thump
Handcuffed To A Bunk
Robbed Blind
Looked Around
And There Was Nobody Else

Left Alone
I Hit Myself With A Stone
Went Home And Learned How
To Clean Up After Myself.

You know, I never claim to know exactly what musicians are attempting to put across in their lyrics. Sometimes people just become channels of the cosmic minds floating around without a body to inhabit. They write whatever and it is brilliant. Yet, not knowing exactly what their own song means, they sing it anyway and intrigue us all to a place of awe and wonder. The beginning of this song is very fuzzy to me but the end is extremely clear. America, God bless her fucked up self, is having an ego issue. She seems to think that her brown, yellow, red, black, and rainbow colored sisters are somehow... inferior to her prestigous self. She doesn't blink twice as she picks up her poor little sister and tosses her over the fence by her hair to a land of dirt, crime, sadness and depravity. America, how beautiful is your silky, white, fat ass blowing in freedom's breeze. This song is amazing. White Americans, What? Nothing Better To Do? Why Don't You Kick Yourself Out You're An immigrant Too. One thing that always irritates me is people who call themselves African American or Asian American. Why the fuck do you need a special distinction? If I walked up to a black woman calling herself boastfully and without shame an African American and asked her what tribe her ancestors are from or what region her family originated from she, in most cases, would be grasping hopelessly for an answer only to find out that she needs to rethink her belting out claims that she can't back up with a healthy knowledge of her heritage. America is so confused about who she is anymore. Why can't she just be America? Why all this division? Do you ever see a white... oh wait, what is the politically correct term as if anyone had a problem being called white... Caucasian person boasting that they are a European American? First of all, you can only claim one nationality in the United States. You are born into citizenship. If you are born here, you have no right in the world to claim another nation or continent as your own. You are strictly American if you are born here.

Another thing, while I am on this topic: what is wrong with using the name of a color to associate certain groups of people with? For those of us who can see and have the ability to see color, it is only stating the obvious. I get so angry with people who are asking about someone I saw or someone I talked to and I say "Oh, he was a black man with a blue hat and jeans and he... blah blah blah..." or " Yeah, she is this old, white lady that used to live down the street and she used to.. blah blah..." and get upset because I used color words to describe people. Last time I checked, people weren't all the same color. Let us broaden our scope a bit ad look beyond color. Let us look at all the different taboos we have for talking about our fellow human beings.

We have no problem stating the obvious if someone is tan or has brown hair or if they are short or tall. Yet we are quick to nail someone to a wall if they say that someone is fat or disabled or black or Asian or blind or gay or if they are a dwarf (AKA a "little person"). I have said this to so many people and I believe it with all my heart. Our bodies are just the shell. Having said that, it is the only shell you are given. I love my shell. I don't brag about it. I use it to the best of its capabilities because one day it is going to wear out and I am going to have to cash it in for something else. Why is it so wrong as we go about this planet and this life together ,as a human society, to describe how we all look to each other? Granted, it is fucking rude to yell "Fatty" at the lady walking down the street, but you can always use the principle of extremes to make a failed attempt at rebuttal in arguments with me and still not be able to walk away not knowing I have a valid and true point. Here it is: love yourself and others will love you, too.

I find that people who rise up in arms about someone not being overwhelmingly politically correct are the ones who feel so insecure about themselves that they feel the need to fight the world. I know this because I used to be one of these people.

I used to attend church regularly with my parents. It was a small little country church whose members were sheltered and uncultured country folk who thought that since they were not gay that it was safe to make jokes and preach angrily against this "vile sin". I was so afraid of what people would think if they found out I liked boys sexually. I mean, that was really a taboo thing to do in the small town I lived in. I cried myself to sleep in the arms of God, praying for him to relieve this guilt and burden away from me. God, whatever he happens to be did what I prayed for. It took eighteen years, but one day it came to a head. For eighteen years I was every gay boys worst nightmare. I would harass them, beat them up and get extremely angry whenever anyone would talk lightly or positively about homosexuality. I regret not coming out sooner. It would have made high school a lot more fun and I would have saved a ton of heartache and pain for some boys who needed my love and understanding rather than my hate. Turning out it was self hate, I obviously never pushed being gay out of my system and embraced it one day.

I am so off track. What is my point? My point is that if everyone eased up and became absolutely true to themselves then political correctness will not be an issue anymore. People can just be happy in their own skin and be Americans instead of trying to separate out of shame. The shame may be rightfully felt, but I feel ashamed of America right now also. I don't have the luxury to label myself an African American or an Asian American or even a Native American in attempts to distance myself from the reality that George W. Bush is the leader of the, what used to be, free world and that I have been lied to via national television countless times. Not to mention that my tax dollars are going towards one man's sick and twisted quest for oil in exchange for innocent lives, but I do not have the luxury of labeling myself something else to alleviate the shame. I am just American: sad and ashamed at how our president has represented us to the world and how a minority of people, mostly trashy celebrities, have represented us to other nations, I am an American. I can't be a pimp and a prostitute, too.

Enough with this minority bullshit. There is only one minority in the entire universe: alive. If you are alive, you are a minority. No color matters. No nationality matters. Nothing else matters except for the fact that you are alive on your earth living your life. Let me live mine. I will let you live yours.

Don't smear your color in my face. I am not a blank canvas. I have brown hair and brown eyes. I have tan skin. I may be white, but the properties of such a color disinegrate when you place a soul inside. You are not much different than me. Stop insulting me and just humble yourself and come down to my level, where nobody gives you special pity treatment or watches their words around you. I am talking to the "minorities" of America. Stop playing victim and love yourself, because like I learned the hard way, nobody will love you unless you give them permission to love you. You love you, and it permits others to love you also.

Well, this is a pretty long post for what was going to be just a little blurb. I am glad I got this out of my system. I know it may seem like I am ignorant on this subject matter, but this is my diary. I write how I feel. Feelings can never be wrong, only felt and experienced and documented. Neither black nor white. Just experieced.

Love is Gonna Save us.

So... there is no video for this song apparantly. I never put my ipod on shuffle, but whe I do I discover amazing songs, like this one. I love this song so much. I have had it on repeat since yesterday afternoon at the gym.

Since I haven't blogged in a couple of days, here is what is going on. I have plans to go to San Diego for pride with some of my friends. That should be amazing being the fact that I haven't gone to any pride events this year yet. I am super stoked. I have all my stuff packed and ready to go. That is what is new on the outside.

What is new on the inside? Well, I am done with my detox, which was't a very intense one. I just wanted a little boost to get rid of my cold. I have been takig charcoal and multivitamin suppliments for two days. I finished my charcoal regimine today, but I will still stay on the vitamin juices. They taste like the Jolly Green Giant's dirty asshole, but it is good for me and I feel good.

Something else I must confess. Last night I had a dream that my mother calledme and ask me about my career ventures. She said "Your grandpa found your dirty movies under your bed up here. Tell me the dirty. Don't tell me the nasty, but tell me how a shy little guy like you can do this on a regular basis?". I didn't get a chace to tell her before I woke up. Something told me that it was time to call her, so I obeyed this little voice and called. Voice mail. She called me back this afternoon. She never mentioned anything about my "dirty movies". It was a relief. I feel so at ease though about the whole issue, especially because of the dream I had.

Summer is halfway over and I am getting a car next month. That is really exciting for me. Though I love the fact that I get to see my friends alot, I am sure they are ready for me to start driving over to see them! PLus, having a car means that I will be able to drive to L.A. whenever I want to. I can drive over to Cali and start doing things that I have been wanting to do my whole life. I am excited. I would like to get either the yellow Jeep or the blue Toyota, but I am limiting myself to a used car for now, being the fact that I am not loaded yet. I am still watering my money tree and it is growing everyday, but it will be a while until I can be stable enough to afford a car like that. Soon, though!

So, that is my life in a nutshell of the moment. I have two jobs next month with two very big studios. I am really excited about that. Once I find out dates, I will let you know what you can expect. I have a movie coming out in September some time. I will definately let you know when the release date for that one is. It should be really good. I can't wait to see it.

Until then, C'est La Vie.

Luv, B

Painting and its inspiration

I love art as I have said before. I just don't think you know how much. Last night I started my canvas painting. I laid down the base first and was going to wait until today to finish it. I am glad I didn't wait. I started listening to Delerium and their song "Innocente" and had a rush of inspiration. Here is the painting and its inspiration. I took the pic with my camera phone, so please forgive the quality. And it is angled. If you look at it, the yellow bars are to be on top. they point vertical instead of horizontal. Well... enjoy.

Dreams. They can make the world look rosie.

Last night I had a dream that I found my long lost daddy. Daddy was rich and it was my birthday. The night before my birthday I looked outside and saw a smeitruck drop off a yellow Jeep in my yard. The next day I found out that Daddy boght it for me. It felt so real and I am glad that my dream allowed me to use the power of attraction to my benifit. Granted, I want a yellow Jeep.

I did want a yellow jeep until I started seeing those blue toyotas around town. They are so sweet. I want one, but I thik I have already placed high priority on my yellow Jeep. It would by kind of silly to stop in the middle of the process and switch car choices. Though it may be smart. I don't know. Time will tell which car I will have.

So, I am rearrangin life and the universe to be able to have either one of these two cars. Hopefully everything works out as I have planned. Well, if it doesn't work out how I see it, it will work out the way the universe sees it. So I am not worried at all. Everything will come together.

Mind cleared. Body washed. Heart replenished.

Once in a while you have those times when you mind body and spirit collide in a magical array of clarity. For me it happened today. After a long spell of vulnerability ,that I admit I caused for myself, I finally could see the world as it really is. I finally understand that people are people. I realized that I have been doing things and saying things that hurt people. I realized today that I have been looking for someone else to tell me that my life is important and that I am in control of it. You know, if you really believe in yourself, you can't wait around for someone else to tell you that you are capable of achieving your dreams. You already know you are capable, otherwise you wouldn't dream in the first place. I think what I was looking for was permission to move forward.

I grew up clinging to permission as the answer to whether something was right or wrong or worthwhile or important. A friend told me while I was in San Diego, wallowing in self-abuse and depression, to give it all up. That I am an adult now. He told me that the only thing that matters is that I have confidence in myself. Everyone around me already does have confidence in me. I could have the world cheering me on, but if I believe I will sink when I try to walk on water, all the cheering in the world is going to convince me to step off the boat. Now I can see that the water in front of me is nothing but an illusion. Everyone else knew it but me. I had been taught to think that walking on water was reserved for God. Now I see people walking on water all around me and I know I can do it, too. I knew I could do it ever since I was a child.

I bought a bunch of detox materials today. I wrung up a $90 bill at Vitamin World. It is a steep price for clarity, but I think today proved that I am in the perfect frame of mind to go through with it. Maybe it was this weekend that set me right. Maybe it was the heat today and being around some good friends that set me right. Maybe it was just a combination of the last three days. I think so. We will see and time will tell if today's epitome really transformed me the way I feel like it did.

Lessons Learned... The Shane's World sham

So. Sometimes you plan for things and everything looks amazing and people tell you that it is going to be amazing. You have a bad feeling about it but something or someone tells you that it will all be ok. Maybe it is the money. Or maybe perhaps the publicity promised. Maybe it is the people you will get to do the whole thing with. Any of those reasons are all poor attempts at rationalization. I say poor attempts because even with all the factors pointing to yes you can come up with on your own they do not stand a chance against the gnashing you feel in your teeth and the clenching of your skin and bones to just stay put because all the while you are telling yourself yes, your heart is telling you no.

That is what happened this weekend. Sometimes people have inovative ideas. Sometimes people just jump the gun based off pure instinct. Sometimes even inspiration plays a part. It is said that to do the same thing over and over, expecting different results is literally the definition of insanity. If you have an inovative idea and it fails miserably, you are insane to do it again and expect a different result. When you pull other people into your insane structure of business, it can get pretty ugly when it fails yet again, quite expectedly by everyone. Everyone, that is, with the same heart wrenching feeling wanting to just say no, but say yes because of a little devil I like to call optibenefitism. The things we do that we know are insane but have optimism about doing them because if they actually, by a miracle from above, worked they would benifit us exceedingly above the risks. Like, for instance, gambling.

I am not going to mention names or specific events. But I will sa this. I hope everyone involved in this porn disaster learned a few things. One: you can't stick a straight formula into a gat equation. What horny straight guys are willing to do for nothing, gay men wouldn't think about doing. Gay men are a bit more cultured and refined than striaght frat boys in most cases. Two: contracts contracts contracts. Make sure you know what the fuck you are siging before you sign it. People like to be tricky and staple shit loads of papers into a standard model release form to cover their ass and make yours feel happy granted everything goes right and you have no reason to suspect. I like to think that people wouldn't screw me over, but you can never be sure. Expect the worst and prepare for hell. When it does come you will be glad you did. Three: be professional at all times. When things do go wrong, don't start drama. Dont make a scene and start crying. Especially if it is your fault and everyone is angry at you to begin with. Whe you start crying it makes you look like a jackass and nobody is ever going to want to work with you again.Four: I would like to believe that companies would be professional enough to know they made a mistake and take their losses with some dignity and their reputation still intact. But, this is the porn industry we are talking about. The money that is made here is made from spreading dignity wide the open, fucking the shit out of it, chewing it up, spitting it back into a blender, making puree and slapping it into a box and sending it to America for $39.95 a pop. These are the people I would expect, optibenefititiously, to be professional enough to admit they were wrong, take their losses... ALL their losses and wash their hands clean with their "dignity" still in one piece and in one place. But, some people just do not get the power of family. Yes, family. Adult performers, despite their catiness towards each other sometimes and their various directions of interest, stick together when push comes to shove. Or jip comes to abandon in this particular case. We help each other fight for what is rightfully ours. We don't keep our mouths shut and if companies like to spread their dignity wide open, then we will fuck the shit out of it, chew it up, blend it into a deuchbag milkshake and spoon feed it to the gay world. All, with OUR dignity still in one piece and in one place, because we already learned not to be taken advantage of and we can read company employees and head honchos like a mother fucking book. That is what you ar hiring when you hire a porn star: someone who has been around the block and already saw you along the way far before you ever thought about buying a camera or light.

I have said it before and I will mention it now in the realm of relevancy and to-do-with. I want to start an adult flimworkers union. I think that is what we need now. Evolve! It is the right time. I am sick of being surprised on set by some bitch thinking they are dealing with a prostitute or newbie. I am sick of seeing my friends miserable because they just got screwed over and have to make a living off of false notions and marshmallows and "wish it could have worked out". Wake up, baby! Stop sucking your thumb pretending that people are good natured in this business. Stop thinking that you have to suck anyone but your scene partner's ass. Why do you think they call you a porn... what is it again? STAR! You are the mother fucking star so start acting like it. Push overs don't stand a chance walking on this tight rope of an industry. You either stand up, focus and move forward, stopping your momentum for nobody, or you become a push over and, well, get pushed over, into shark infested waters, never to be seen or heard from again. Sure, some of these push overs will become wash ups (stars who used to be but aren't anymore and linger like an ugly one night stand in the morning), but only to be carried back out to sea and die and be eaten some more.

Lessons learned? I hope so.

Fashion meets TSA

I am flying somehwere this morning and when I was putting my outfit together this morning, one piece of my wardrobe made me a little nervous to wear. I wore it anyway because I knew that the razor was fake and that the blood was fake also.

I decided to wear my Kate Moss Bloody Razor by Onch. I learned that TSA is more uptight than Queen Elizabeth in at a Lover's Lane party. Not that that is a bad thing. I am glad that I get treated like a terrorist every couple of weeks. It adds some spice to my life. It makes me especially as happy when I make sure I don't carry anything like liquids or razors in my carry on, only for them to thank me by losing my check-in luggage. Bliss. I think that is the word one uses to express the feeling I have right now; utterly joyful and proud beyond all measure.

I wonder if Kate Moss ever got harrassed by TSA personnell when she is traveling. You know that woman has pills, razors, liquids unimaginable. I wonder what some people do when they travel. Awlays have. I have strange, and a bit annoying travel habbits to my friends. I always make sure that I have the specific kind of toner, moisturizer, deoderant, toothpaste, hair product, and shoes. I just know that these things make me look my best. When I realized that checking a bag is not a smart thing to do anymore, I started packing everything very carefully. Last trip I took I didn't pack any of my necessities and I looked horribleand felt horrible the whole time. I was a bitch and it caused mood swings. I am a fragile person deep, deep, deep, deep down. I have few weaknesses, but the ones I do have seem to break me when they are provoked.

My fashion is, evidentally, a weakness for me. Wearing my crazy necklace and being harrassed by TSA felt like it was worth lookin good when I step off the plane. I should really fix that. I mean, what if ammo belts or chains become fashionable? (please god, I am not suggesting that they do. Eww!!) I need to reevaluate this issue. If anyone sees me wearing something questionable to the airport, please save me from myself!!! I rationalize the irrationable. I mean, honestly! I rationolize being naked for the world to see. If you can rationolize that, then the little things like wearing a razor blade necklace through checkpoint seems rational.

Ah. Life's little lessons.

Save Darfur. Stop the Genocide.

Some background information...
*taken from savedarfur.org
Background



Sudan is the largest country in Africa, located just south of Egypt on the eastern edge of the Sahara desert. The country’s major economic resource is oil. But, as in other developing countries with oil, this resource is not being developed for the benefit of the Sudanese people, but instead, for an elite few in the government and society. As much as 70 percent of Sudan’s oil export revenues are used to finance the country’s military.



Darfur, an area about the size of Texas, lies in western Sudan and borders Libya, Chad and the Central African Republic. It has only the most basic infrastructure or development. The approximately 6 million inhabitants of Darfur are among the poorest in Africa. They exist largely on either subsistence farming or nomadic herding. Even in good times, the Darfuri people face a very harsh and difficult life; these are not good times in Darfur.



The current crisis in Darfur began in 2003. After decades of neglect, drought, oppression and small-scale conflicts in Darfur, two rebel groups – the Sudanese Liberation Army/Movement (SLA/M) and the Justice and Equality Movement (JEM) – mounted a challenge to Sudan’s president, Omar al-Bashir. These groups represent agrarian farmers who are mostly non-Arab black African Muslims from a number of different tribes. President al-Bashir’s response was brutal. In seeking to defeat the rebel movements, the Government of Sudan increased arms and support to local tribal and other militias, which have come to be known as the Janjaweed. Their members are composed mostly of Arab black African Muslims who herd cattle, camels, and other livestock. They have wiped out entire villages, destroyed food and water supplies, and systematically murdered, tortured, and raped hundreds of thousands of Darfurians. These attacks occur with the direct support of the Government of Sudan’s armed forces.



No portion of Darfur’s civilian population has been spared violence, murder, rape and torture. As one illustration of how Khartoum has waged its war, the Sudanese military paints many of its attack aircraft white – the same color as UN humanitarian aircraft – a violation of international humanitarian law. When a plane approaches, villagers do not know whether it is on a mission to help them, or to bomb them. Often, it has been the latter.



This scorched earth campaign by the Sudanese government against Darfur’s sedentary farming population has, by direct violence, disease and starvation, already claimed as many as 400,000 lives. It has crossed over into neighboring Chad and the Central African Republic. In all, about 2.3 million Darfuris have fled their homes and communities and now reside in a network of internally displaced persons (IDP) camps in Darfur, with at least 200,000 more living in refugee camps in Chad. These refugees and IDPs are completely dependent on the United Nations and other humanitarian organizations for their very livelihood – food, water, shelter, and health care.



Another 1 million Darfuris still live in their villages, under the constant threat of bombings, raids, murder, rape and torture. Their safety depends on the presence of the underfunded and undermanned African Union (AU) peacekeeping force, numbering just 7,400 troops and personnel. However, the so-called “AMIS” force, in Darfur since October 2004, lacks a civilian protection mandate as well as adequate means to do stop the violence; its sole mandate is to monitor and report ceasefire violations and it has done little more, due to its limited mandate but also because of its anemic capacity.



Current Humanitarian Situation



The situation on the ground is deteriorating. The regime continues its military operations directly and via the Janjaweed. In recent weeks, there has been an increase in attacks, resulting in tens of thousands of new arrivals to the many IDP and refugee camps.

Visitors to these camps, including from the Save Darfur Coalition, have reported on the dire conditions their inhabitants endure. It is remarkable they have survived for this long, in the face of such overwhelming hardship, and with so little progress toward resolving the underlying cause of their dislocation and insecurity. Only the herculean efforts of the UN and non-governmental humanitarian relief agencies have made this possible. They have 13,000 aid workers in 100 refugee camps in Darfur and Chad, working in very difficult security and logistical conditions, and constantly hampered and harassed by Sudanese government obstruction and red tape.



Humanitarian workers and operations are increasingly being targeted by both government and fragmenting rebel movement elements. Vehicles are being hijacked and robbed; aid workers are assaulted and intimidated while carrying out their work; and offices are broken into and looted.



In the first two months of 2007, according to the UN, over 80,000 more people entered into the IDP camps, fleeing the ongoing violence. Both the UN and non-governmental humanitarian agencies have warned that their ability to sustain operations is at risk in the face of government harassment and worsening security problems. Any interruption in the flow of humanitarian aid could spark deaths on a scale even worse than that seen to date: UN officials say that the death rate in Darfur could rise as high as 100,000 people per month if the fragile humanitarian life-support system collapses.



U.S. and International Diplomatic Efforts



U.S. Actions



The human suffering in Darfur continues despite the fact that the United States Congress, President Bush, and two U.S. Secretaries of State, have all labeled Darfur a genocide – the first time in U.S. history that a conflict has been labeled as such while it was still going on.



The U.S. government has failed to engage in a sustained and coherent manner to address and lead international resolution of this genocide. President Bush has given tough speeches, Congress has passed legislation authorizing stringent sanctions targeted at Sudan’s leadership, and the Administration (usually only after Congress has insisted) has provided significant – though still insufficient and sporadic – funding for humanitarian aid and peacekeeping.



On April 18, 2007, President Bush stated that he was tired of Sudanese obfuscation and evasion as it pursued its genocide; he demanded prompt action by Sudan’s President al-Bashir to end the genocide and cooperate with international demands that he admit UN peacekeepers to Darfur and cease obstructing humanitarian aid. The President warned that he had decided that the U.S. would impose unilateral targeted economic sanctions on the Sudanese regime and work for the same globally in the UN Security Council. On May 29, 2007, President Bush announced the implementation of said sanctions against Sudan.




While the U.S. is also a major funder for both AU peacekeeping and humanitarian aid efforts in Darfur, the actual costs related to Darfur have often outpaced the projections due to the changing nature and scope of the crisis, creating dangerous gaps in funding and the need for frequent emergency measures to address the shortfalls. Within the President’s proposed budget for Fiscal Year 2008, there is a projected $186 million shortfall for Darfur peacekeeping, and a $6 billion shortfall for America’s core humanitarian assistance. If these gaps are not addressed, the impact to international peacekeeping and aid efforts could negatively affect millions of Darfuris.

©2007 SaveDarfur.org
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There is so much that we can do as American citizens and as humans in general to pull together the community you live in and the global community as a whole. This is not something you can just think about in your spare time. It isn't on the same scale as walking an old lady across the street or putting change in the homeless bum's cup on the corner. This is so important. What if it was you and your family being tormented, raped, killed, burned, and extinguished all the while staring people right in the face, screaming for help, and seeing them blatantly ignore you?

Here are some things you can do...
-Sign the petition to urging President Bush and the UN Secratary-General to take emmediate and direct action to stop the killing
-Make a tax-deductible donation of any size.
-Lobby congress to take action
-Generate press coverage
-Educate others about this morbid tradgedy.
-Find a local Darfur-related event or start your own.
-Don't be against genocide. But, rather, be for peace and life. What you resist persists.
-Start the conversation. Awareness is key. You can change the world by provoking the right person to take action. You never know that the next person you talk to is going to help out in a huge way unless you try. This is a critical, global issue. Let your guard down and talk to people about this.
-Other than making a donation, lobbying congress, generating press coverage, and talking to people. If you are in a position to do something innovative that will make a great impact, just do it. The world needs you.


Those are some things you can do to make an impact. I made a donation this morning, and it didn't break me, thought I wish I could have given more. I also signed the petition and sent emails to some of my friends about signing it also. It isn't hard, and it makes a difference.

I have so much rage against President Bush. Yes, he invaded a country based on false allegations and weak, turning out to be false, leads. Yes, he has put the U.S. into economical turmoil. Yes, he is the worst president in history. I consider that all minuet compared to his lack of action in Darfur. Sudan won't allow peacekeepers and U.S. aid into Darfur. Hmm... no shit! Do you think Iraq gave us permission to invade their country? I don't think so. It was war. But, since Omar al-Bashir didn't kill any American citizens, who cares? How upset does that make you? We can invade nations that we have no business invading for ultra-benefit, but when there is a blatant and technical genocide going on in a small region in Africa, that is when we decide to start obeying monsters? This is the most ludicrous thing I have ever seen in my life. It seems to me a simple solution: get these refugees to a neighboring ally nation and then kill Bashir and his dogs that are raping little girls and burning their mothers and fathers.

Four years and nobody has done a damn thing about it. What are you going to do? This is not an impossible thing to do. Do you know how many people are in Darfur? A mere six million. Do you know how many people are living in America? 302,325,232. Over 5 times as many people in Darfur, which is the size of Texas.

As I said in a previous post, money is not the issue. The earth has the recourses to supply these people with food and shelter. The issue is motivation. Why are we still wasting out time in Iraq and so adamant about staying there and "finishing the job" when there is a human tragedy that needs immediate attention? Hmm... What is the barrier stopping this genocides extermination? Logic serves no purpose in answering this question. I just hope someone can figure it out and do something valid and efficient. I can make my donations, spread awareness, but world leaders are the ones who are really going to stop this. Let's make them wish they had done it earlier. Let us be in their face. I know that to some of you this doesn't seem important because it doesn't affect you directly. But think of this: we are all one. From the first humans until now, we are all connected in some way. These are our brothers and sisters and grandmothers and fathers dying over there. Save them.

Saying Goodnight. A Trip to the Stars

It is so funny the timing of me coming across this story. Last night Ben and I were on our way to the gym and I mentioned something about how it seems as though anyone who has fame and success is either eccentric, crazy, or both. The first person who popped in my head, and probably yours, too, was Tom Cruise. What a FA-REAK!!! I said to Ben, “You know, every time I see Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes together at big events and things, all I can picture is that she is wearing a belt with a built in shock device under her clothes and that Tom is hiding the remote in his pocket.
See what I mean. Look at where his hand is. And Katie's half-witted smile tells me that this notion may not be far from the truth. He is probably zapping her at that very moment.

Anyway... back to why I brought this up in the first place. Unlike the terribly boring Britney story I blogged about yesterday I think it was, this story actually had some meat to it. Something I could gnaw(that is a technical term) on while I dream tonight.

Our buddy, Tom is a freakazoid to say the least. And, before you go and blame it on the lens flare and all the fame and success, because we know how stressful it is to have your bank account get below a quadrillion dollars, think about the fact that this dude has been practicing in a bizarre cult for a few years. Someone else I know studies Scientology, also. I won't say anything out of respect for this person. But They are quite the eccentric, some may say, crazy character also. But not anywhere close to the crazy-choke-miss-Operah-on-her-own-show-during-prime-time-television-crazy, so don't worry.

Out friend, Tommy, as I am reading, was going to be banned from filming in Germany because of his so called "religious" beliefs. The U.S State Department said that Germany, if officials followed through on their ban, would be committing employment discrimination against scientologists. They backed down, but only by keeping their loopholes in place so they could still say, “Sorry, Crazy, you scare us... go away".

Germany has some bad tiffs with Tom Cruise. Even its own citizens boycotted the Mission: Impossible because of his wacko beliefs. I am sorry. I didn't mean to say "wacko". What I meant to say(maybe this being more PC)his questionable and controversial beliefs cause quite a stir.

People take religion, specifically the one they follow, very seriously. More times than not they take it gravely serious. People in the middle east are dying because of religious disagreements. Quite frankly, I don't want to get into all of this right now. I will save it for another day. Just know this: I believe that we are all searching for the truth. We weren't greeted by God when we slugged out of our mothers' vaginal canal, so how the fuck are we all supposed to have it all figured out. And how can people be so arrogant to think that THEY are the ones with every answer to every question about God that was ever asked or will be asked? It baffles me. BUT!!! For another day... very soon.

And this was Saying Goodnight. A Trip to the Stars

To Haters: I love you, too.

So, my video went up on Randy Blue Tuesday. I know you are probably getting sick of hearing about this. But I just have a couple things to say.

The video and pictures spread around to different blogs and people left their comments on what they thought about it on these blogs. Some of the comments made me blush with happiness while others almost made me cry. I am not going to reiterate the nasty comments, because that is just adding fuel to the fire. I got through with reading these comments and I had a stir of emotions. Mostly, I felt bad. But, then like a wave of clarity, I began to have an epitome; a flood of realization. If people are taking enough time and effort to talk smack, then I must have done something right. People who are eccentric, beautiful, different, intriguing, successful, and give people something to talk about usually do receive just that: people talking. I am quite flattered. I didn't expect to see such a stir from people. Now, I know it wasn't some huge epic wave of interest, but it isn't a bad start I say.

With that said, I continue to my next topic. Haters: you are putting me in a better position for fame and success, so keep talking shit. Keep the clever(and I do mean clever. "Clay Aiken's little sister","Brent Corrigan's 12 year old brother","The little girl from Halloween 4"{that was probably my favorite one},” too chubby to be a twink","a rabbit","tweezed eyebrows and make-up... barf!!"{for the record: I do not pluck my eyebrows, if you would prefer me to look like Burt or Ernie, say so and I will glob some Rogaine on my forehead}.) comments coming. To the people who stated their appreciation: thanks so much. I am here to entertain you. If I pleased someone, then I accomplished my goal. And, from the surge of fan mail I received so far, I would say I did well over accomplish my goal.

Thank you all for the love and support. Thank you all for the shit talk, it makes me laugh, and that is a rare feet to achieve. I have a sick, and I do mean SICK sense of humor.

Love always, B

Leave her alone!!! More Britney hating news

I am so sick of people bashing celebrities and trying to pry into their lives. I recently read something on TMZ.com about miss Britney Spears that made me sort of angry. Basically, they took up some wasted space on the internet just to tell everyone that she was at a gas station and that she was wearing no bra and an ammo belt. Who the fuck cares? I know. Fat ugly bitches who want to feel better about their nasty selves by trashing people who thy know look, sound, and dress better than them.
Get over it, people. So, Britney is human. OH NO!!! Did I let out the big secret? Let's face it, we all want celebrity dirt once in a while. America loves scandal. People love it so much, even that they will go after fake scandal, created by retarded journalists who really are lazy in scouting out the real dirt about celebrities. I love to read about real dirt. This article is, sadly, fake dirt. It is like when you order something online and it gets to you and it is made out of cheap plastic instead of glass like they said it was. Sorry. I am reminiscing about the onch I orders online. Not that their jewelry isn't amazing and beautiful. It just wasn't what I expected. Just like people who read the tabloids. When we read the words,” EXCLUSIVE" and "BREAKING NEWS" we expect to find something with a little more poise and written with a little more canny style. Britney Spears stopping at a gas station to piss is not news. She has done it many a time. Remember the infamous photo of her walking out of a public restroom barefoot? Even that, in all its witty paparazzi glamour, was more astute than this terrible story. One story that actually has some meat to it is the story about Nicole being pregnant.
Not only is she pregnant, but she is going to trial tomorrow, July 11th for DUI charges. No judge is going to send a pregnant woman to jail. Smart move, Nicole. Why didn't Paris think of that? What will probably happen is this: Nicole will be sentenced and the day she is fit and able to go to jail, she will. But, while she is pregnant, I am sure the judge will delay her punishment.
That is a good story. That is a juicy one. The latter Britney "story" was kind of lame. What is it about people, specifically Americans, that make them feel the need to feed off of every little squirt of life that celebrities bust out with? So, people get pregnant. People go to grocery stores. People wear ugly clothing when they are on road trips. Give it a fucking break. I am happy and grateful to be living in such a colorful society, but for god sakes! I have met lots of celebrities and I will tell you this: they are no different than you or I. They breath the same air you do. They eat the same food you do and their shit still smells horrible. Not that I know from experience, but it is a fact. I think the only people who really think of celebrities as gods are those who have low self esteem and those people whose minds are closed off to thinking for themselves. Ergo, the media tells them that celebrities are untouchable beings from another planet, and people believe it! Wake up. This is life. We all breath, eat, shit and die. That is just reality. There is no such thing as celebreality and REAL reality. It is all the same.

Ok! that was my little venting time for the day. Hope it fed your appetites. Stay tuned for dessert!

Proof this shit actually works!!!

So, I don't know if any of you remember this, but a few weeks back I created a "Wish Board". It was a collage filled with all the things I wanted to attract into my life. Well, it has only been a couple weeks since I made that and already things are looking up. Tomorrow my video for Randy Blue debuts, which means more interviews and web reviews. I am adding that to my resume and higher paying jobs are lining up for me. My website is going up soon. I am actually, as I type this, sketching out my blog layout. I have someone right now who I am getting to know very well, and what I am noticing is that this person may become the love that I have been searching for. Maybe not, but hey, this is something I didn't have a month ago is it? Life is not some remote destination somewhere. It is here. It is now. I do not like; err; I detest the phrase,"Thing take Time". ?Como se dice: BULLSHIT? I am not saying that "Rome was built in a day". But what I am saying is that it could have been. Call me a crazy new-age lunatic if you like, but look at how far this has taken me. You cannot justify your accusations with the evidence. The evidence is so strongly affirmative to everything I believe, it is kind of hard not to stop and think that maybe I am right. So, anyway.. a little picture for inspiration. I have been looking at this necklace for months and months wanting to have it. I finally have it. I posted a picture of the necklace on my wish board a few weeks ago. Now I have it. Here is a picture of me wearing it.

Now, I know this isn't all that awe inspiring, jaw dropping, or much of something to stir up feelings of an epitomy, but it was just a little test. I am going to try and take pictures of all the material things I wanted on that board and post those. And Whenever I get a large collection of interviews and web mentions, I will be sure and let you know all of that also, just to prove that my way of thinking is not scewed, flawed, crazed, or battered. It is whole and it is a determinent force to what I have in my life and what I will acquire in my life in the near future. Goodnight, peeps.

Love always, B

America's Evolving Mind.

So, mark your calenders, people. I have two things to tell you that are happening on Tuesday. One, of course is my Randy Blue Video Debut. The other is Bravo Network is going to show highlights of the GAYVN hosting experience of Kathy Griffin!

Let me just say this: First of all, Kathy was fucking hilarious during the GAYVN show. I loved her all along, but that night she proved herself to be everything I expected and more. I was fortunate enough to be able to attend the GAYVN awards show in February at the Castro Theatre in San Fransisco. It was an experience I am not soon to forget. Of course, nobody knew who I was and I didn't really know anyone there, either. It was just a peek into what I am to expect coming my way next year. Maybe they will hold the awards someplace cool like Las Vegas or New York City or maybe even San Diego. Anyway, it was a great time.

Let me talk about American society for a minute. We are, slowly but surely evolving into people who can actually think. I know, the evidence is overwhelmingly against that notion, but hear me out. In the eighties and nineties Madonna was persecuted for her take on sexuality. Her music video, "Justify My Love", was banned in the U.S. and mothers told their daighters that Madonna was the epitomy of sin.

Now, look at her. She has literally taken over the fucking globe with her inovative art and music. She opened the door for sexuality to be not only ok, but encouraged in the media. I think the only people who really have a problem with it are those who know nothing about it. They see someone beautiful having a good time and expressing their sexuality in an open and honest way and they get jealous, scared, or plain just don't know how to take it.

Look at America at the time when Madonna's video was banned and now look at where we are today. No more than 15 years later a major television network is broadcasting segments from a Gay porn awards show. Amazing. Simply amazing. The human mind is a powerful thing. It is powerful because it can grow and mold and become something different. America's mind is at potential right now, if we allow it to, to become the most powerful intilectual, artistic, creative power on the planet. We are slowly progressing forward. I am looking forward to the day when people are truly FREE in the "land of the free". Where people can create art and lifestyle freely and with great expression.

Yes, this summer is going to be the summer of change. Another thing I just thought about... Jeffree Star is going to have his own reality show, also. America is more advanced than I thought! The creators of "Wife, Mom, Bounty hunter" and "Torri and Dean: Inn Love" have taken Jeffree on as their new project. I can't wait. I have been a fan of his for a while now.


So, that is what I think people!!!

NOTES TO THE READERS:::
Make sure you flip on that fucking TV and turn it to Bravo Tuesday. Tune in at 10, 9 central.
PLUS!!!!! go to Randyblue.com on tuesday and watch my video. It is sure to make your mouth water!

Randy Blue Video Debut on Tuesday, 7/10/2007

July 10th, 2007!!!
Hey guys. So, it is finally here! The video I shot with Randy Blue. I am so excited for everyone to see it. It is going to be amazing. I want you all to bombard that fucking website and watch that video! I want to know what you all think of it, also. I am so excited. I hope you are, too!!!

Blair Mason's Randy Blue Debut

Laguna Beach on 4th of July

So. I went down to Laguna Beach for the Fourth of July and had a blast.In spite of the drunken mishaps and near drowning experiences, I had fun. We hung out on the beach on the third and then on the fourth we went back down to the beach where every fag from Los Angeles to New York was baking in the sun. I saw so man y people I had met from here or there. It was fun fun fun in the sun!!! The funnest part was watching all these stupid ass queens get plowed over by the surf. Granted, one of those stupid ass queens was me a few times. Nevertheless, it was still fucking hilarious. So, by the time I got sober enough to walk back to the car and go back to the house, i was exhausted and didn't want to do anything but sleep. I got a great tan. Didn't see any fireworks, but I got a great tan! Haha. So, tonight my friend and I are hitting up Tigerheat before I take off back to Vegas tomorrow afternoon. I must say, this was a much needed vacation from Sin City. It is funny. Now that I live there, everyone seems to go there for vacation. I try and get out of there as much as possible. Not that the lights and glamour aren't amazing, but Las Vegas is not someplace that is super trendy. I feel like I am a super trendy guy and Los Angeles is the place to be for me. I love it here. Everyone keeps telling me to move here. I don't know. I think I will someday very soon, but for now, Las Vegas is just starting to feel like home. We will see. Until then, I will keep coming to LA and having amazing memories and stories to tell. I am going to take pictures tonight. Or, maybe I will just follow the photographer around and make him take pictures of me. Tigerheat has a website, they post all the pictures up there. So, since I am in love with the camera and the camera loves me, I think I will let it do all the work and I will just look cute and adorable. Hehe. Peace!!! Tell me some of your Fourth of Jul stories. email me at blairxblair@aol.com I love hearing stories. I might post some. MUAHZIES!!!!

I am such a ditz!!! / Limitless ATM

So, I woke up this morning and got ready for my trip to LA. I got all packed up all I had to do was run down to the bank and take out the rest of my rent money. I got down there and everything was fine. I took out my cash, got my receipt and then my phone rang. It was my friend. He called to tell me he was waiting outside my house. I was flustered because I felt bad that he would have to wait for me to ride my happy ass back to the house. I got so wired up with anxiety that I forgot the last step in the ATM process... TO HIT THE RETURN CARD BUTTON!!!! Wow. I am dumb. So, I didn't even realize this until I was about to buy a book in the bookstore. I was just about to get the book and I looked in my wallet and my card was gone! I was like, "SHIT! SHIT FUCKING SHIT!!!"... the sales clerk, a gentle old man said, in a kind voice yet hinting-towards-condescending-sarcasm voice, "Did you forget something?"... "I'm such an idiot! YES! I left my card in the ATM!"..."I guess you're not getting the book?"..."No. Sorry".

These are the moments in my life when I am grateful the universe has stirred up the mediocre, and just a tad bit disappointed that it wasn't in a more joyful manner. I surprise myself everyday. Sometimes for the good. Sometimes for the bad. Sometimes for just the pure comedy that I need to kick start my day.

I have a piping question that just came to me. What would you do if you had an ATM card with no limit on it? What if when you used this card it drew out from the supply of the entire universe? What would you do? Would you change your life? Would you change the world? Would you change the galaxy? Would you change the universe? I want people to think about this. I want you to think about this. Money is only an imaginary concept. There is no limit to how much money we can have or make. We are all one on this earth. Why then is it a necessity to need money to save ourselves? We need money to feed ourselves while others starve. There is no limit to food. We need money to come up with cures for disease. There is no limit to money and yet we are limiting ourselves by requiring it to help ourselves. It makes no bit of sense to me at all. Why can't human kind find a reasonable solution to our problems without limiting ourselves in the process? It is kind of upsetting to think about. And, it is also exciting to think about. If people could completely wrap their minds around this concept, our world would surely be a more perfect place to live. Animals do not limit their kingdom by creating pyramids of power. They know no reason to limit their food supply, limit their solutions for evolution, or limit themselves in their living situations. Why are we, the most advanced beings the world has ever seen, not advanced enough to simplify life for ourselves? We purposely make life difficult for ourselves and everyone under, above, and around us. We only live for a short time. Everyone knows this and yet we make life a pandemonium of hurt and despair, convincing babies and children that happiness is deserved, bought, or given to you. We have been conditioned to think that joy, security, happiness and wellbeing is something we have to work for. Happiness is not a privilege, people. It is a basic human right. Well being has no place in the realm of opportunity or possibility based on your own meager merit. It is something we are born to have and achieve at all cost. That cost should be low and easy to attain. Society has tainted that also, telling us that well being is only for those who work their ass off and sacrifice a little more than they are willing to sacrifice. This entire concept is absolute ludicrous. I don't know where living became something one had to pay for. I don't know why this fault in human history took place. I guess greed got the best of someone one day and he passed on his way of thinking down the ages until now, where we are, limiting ourselves for the sake of capitalism. We are here to create. We are little gods. What on earth are we creating here? A place to harvest pain and guilt and pressure and despair along with greed, lust, anxiety and morbid death. I wish that someone would here my words and think. If you just but think about these concepts I am pointing out to you, the revolution will begin. It is my hope.

Sorry if that was too deep, but sometimes I can't help but share my deep thoughts and feelings with you all. I know you all appreciate it and that is why I will continue to do so. Thank you. Now, go and THINK!!