Mind cleared. Body washed. Heart replenished.

Once in a while you have those times when you mind body and spirit collide in a magical array of clarity. For me it happened today. After a long spell of vulnerability ,that I admit I caused for myself, I finally could see the world as it really is. I finally understand that people are people. I realized that I have been doing things and saying things that hurt people. I realized today that I have been looking for someone else to tell me that my life is important and that I am in control of it. You know, if you really believe in yourself, you can't wait around for someone else to tell you that you are capable of achieving your dreams. You already know you are capable, otherwise you wouldn't dream in the first place. I think what I was looking for was permission to move forward.

I grew up clinging to permission as the answer to whether something was right or wrong or worthwhile or important. A friend told me while I was in San Diego, wallowing in self-abuse and depression, to give it all up. That I am an adult now. He told me that the only thing that matters is that I have confidence in myself. Everyone around me already does have confidence in me. I could have the world cheering me on, but if I believe I will sink when I try to walk on water, all the cheering in the world is going to convince me to step off the boat. Now I can see that the water in front of me is nothing but an illusion. Everyone else knew it but me. I had been taught to think that walking on water was reserved for God. Now I see people walking on water all around me and I know I can do it, too. I knew I could do it ever since I was a child.

I bought a bunch of detox materials today. I wrung up a $90 bill at Vitamin World. It is a steep price for clarity, but I think today proved that I am in the perfect frame of mind to go through with it. Maybe it was this weekend that set me right. Maybe it was the heat today and being around some good friends that set me right. Maybe it was just a combination of the last three days. I think so. We will see and time will tell if today's epitome really transformed me the way I feel like it did.