The B! True Shittlewod Story

Mommy"Shut it, Rims` ... Mommy cares about you... That is why I'm not going to tell you that Ms. Burburry down the street is a dealer... Because I love you... Now go have fun"
Rims"How far down the street was that?"
Mommy"I'm not going to tell you that it is 2 block, second house on the right... Because I love you... A loving mother doesn't say that the shutters are white and there's a Chiwawa in the front yard that looks like your father when he is constipated"
Rims"and which father am I not supposed to know the Chiwawa looks like?"
Rims"The drugged up one, or the fake one that I made up in my bouts of denial?"
Rims"I think I shall go for a walk in search of... ummm... a song... or something... while you work on dinner, ma. Be back ina few hours. By the way, do you have an extra straw I can borrow?"
Mommy"Hmm... The drugged up one honey... Now if you don't want to turn out like that, than I suggest you try and keep your mind off of your feening addiction... Go out on a nice night on the town with Harlot or Loony ... Those are nice girls, you can learn a lot from them. That ... Loony She can sing. Why don't you two practice voice lessons together?!"
Mommy"Oh honey... Here's a hundred dollar bill... It works better than a straw... you don't want anyone thinking ur a white trash honkey who uses silly ol' straws? I raised you better than that, you classy girl"
Rims"Nah... I'm going to go visit Rar Belly in prison... I promised him I would even though I'm not fourteen anymore.
Rims"Oh ma, that 100 bill isn't crisp anymore... can I have another?"
Mommy"Well... Maybe if you DID visit him when you were 14, mommy wouldn't have to settle for the outlet Pucci and she could go to Shitsons more than three lousy times a week"
Rims"Sorry bout that Ma... I was busy being exploited by my dead beat father
Mommy"Oh honey... you know where mommy keeps her stash... Here's the key, here's the map, here's the time machine, here's the silly putty, here's the butter knife....."
Rims"Hey, have you seen my bag full of $2,000,000 worth of jewelry... I think I left it at the airport and I can't find it
Rims"It's in an orange Fermes bag"
Mommy"Honey... If you can't learn to keep track of ur scrap metal... Shame... Luckily your mommy keeps track... Its in the safe"
Mommy"You have everything you need... Now get get it, mut!"
Rims"ummm... ALL of it?"
Rims"It better ALL be there when I come back from... my walk around the neighborhood"
Mommy"Oh you caught me... Here's the worn down toothbrush and bag of explosives... NOW you have everything... your so KEEN and observant, baby!"
Rims"Thanks Ma. Now I want some cigs"
Mommy"Honey... I'm not going to enable you anymore... I told you!!!! If I was an enabler, I would say there's a pack in my purse on the counter... But since I'm not, well your just going to have to learn to feed your soul rather than your addiction"

*The above story is based aroud fictitious characters*