Inferma

Michael Moore is probably the most controversial documentary producer of this day. His new film, Sicko is now out and loud. It documents the flaws and villains of the health care industry. If you watch the film, you can really feel the pain of the people telling their HMO horror stories. It is all very profound and heart wrenching, yes, but the gravity of America's destitute doesn't hit you until you witness something first hand.
Today I took the bus to the gym. At the bus stop I saw a security car pull up to the bus stop. I saw a crying woman put one leg out of the car, pause, and with a shriek of pain she lobbed the other one out of the car. She nudged herself out of the car, doubled over, sobbing. She couldn't walk. Her arm was in a sling. She was wearing a hospital gown and hospital bracelets. She couldn't pay her bill and the hospital kicked her to the curb. Literally. She was delirious and didn't know where she was. She kept asking for a cab, but apparently the hospital was too cheap to pay for one. She wouldn't have gotten home if it wasn't for this wonderful nurse that works at the hospital. She nursed her on the bus and guided her home.
I was so disturbed. Sure, it was sad to see someone who was obviously in need of serious medical attention thrown out like garbage to the curb, but what was more disturbing was that I myself do not have health insurance. If I, God forbid, got in a car crash I would be out of work and I wouldn't be able to pay the hospital bill and I would be thrown to the curb, too. This makes me kind of scared to tell you the truth. I don't want to offend anyone when I say this: but I hate America. I love the America of yesterday. The America that I love takes care of its citizens in time of need. The America I love saves you when you can't save yourself. The America of today doesn't care about its citizens lives, freedoms, nor their pursuit of happiness. The America of today is run by a tyrant government. I wish people would wake up and start a revolution. when will we say enough is enough and stand up for ourselves as human beings? When are we going to turn off the god damned TV and start learning what is going on without the help of lobbying mainstream media? If you don't care about your rights as a human being, then maybe you should care for the rights of those you love. How would you feel if you mother died because of a hospital bill? How would you feel if the IRS repossessioned all of your things because you made a mistake in your tax report? How would you feel if you knew that your children were being brainwashed in the public school system so that they came out prepared to be a drone of the tyrant government? Well, I am quite positive you would be upset. If you didn't you are not human.
I don't mean to throw anyone off guard to make anyone upset... I just want to tell you that I am upset. I am upset and I am sick of people to talking about the fucking elephant in the middle of the room.

Vic B: Jealous Housewife?

I think that anytime "sexy" and "stalker" are put in the same sentence next to each other, the sentence is probably a jealous wife. A jealous wife like, say, perhaps Vic B. It was reported by a British tabloid that a sultry girl evaded through security and made it up to David Beckham's hotel room in the King Edward Hotel in Toronto. Sources reported that the girl was clearly delirious. It is funny that, while most sources said that the girl was clearly a scary stalker type person the source that is closest to Beckham said that the entire story is not true. I am speculating that the "sources" were probably some of the LA Galaxy teammates. You always protect your buddies when they are caught up in scandal or potential scandal. I would like to know this girl even knew what room they were staying in. Maybe she followed them. Have you ever seen a group of guys being followed by a sexy woman, alone? My prediction is that if a group of guys was being followed by a sexy chick, they would probably notice and say hi, or maybe even invite her back to the room for some drinks. That's just my opinion.
I wish I could hire an extra body guard every time I have encounters with strange people. I can't count the number of times I have been scared out of my wits because some old nasty wants to get a piece. Say for instance today. I just found out recently that one of my roommates is an ex porn star. I would say I would keep his identity to myself, but after what I am about to tell you, I am reconsidering being noble. I went out for a walk. He asked me where I was going. I told him, "I'm bored so I am going to go up to the store and burn off some energy." "Bored?", he says,"Well...I have something you can do." I am sure you can all guess what he proposed next. "We can have sex." He was dead serious. I told him no. He begged, "Why not?". Well, that was enough to make me nervous. It isn't like I haven't been approached to have sex by strange guys, but this is my roommate. He is kind of off his rocker a bit. I'm not sure of what he is capable of. Kind of pausing in a subtle sense.
Whether the allegations are factual or fictitious, Vic B isn't taking any chances. She has hired extra bodyguards to keep her hubby safe from the awful competition. This woman is really on a mission. She is damn protective. Remember this clip from when she was hiring a PA?

I can't say that being protective is such an awful trait to have, but like any good thing, you can over execute.

Rocking Beethoven?

Ok.. so I am really eclectic. I have always loved all types of music, but never really pursued certain kinds because of the grand associative punch that comes with some genres. One of those in particularly happens to be classical music. I was bored the other day and this was my inner dialogue:

"Let's download some classical music! No! Prudes listen to Bach and Beethoven and Mozart. You are a non conventionalist. You cannot listen. Wait! This world is full of non conventionality. Part of that is doing what isn't expected from you. But people like you aren't allowed to listen to classical music. People like me? I am a human being..."

Now you know why people call me crazy. They call me crazy because sometimes my inner dialogue comes out in the open. Yes, perhaps I am a bit off kilter. I think listening to classical music on my own without having to do homework on it was sort of like chopping off some of the neuronets in my brain that really keep me captive and only allow me to go so far in life. I think you all know what I am saying. Have you ever wanted to paint but thought that it isn't your place to be painting; maybe to just leave that to people who do that sort of thing. Maybe I am crazy but sometimes I feel like the choir boy who is tied up in this world of sex, money, and drama. Then other times I feel the complete opposite. I sometimes feel like I am the heathen child that escaped from the world of sex, money, and immorality and into the real world of grocery stores, post offices, hourly jobs, bus stops, and living rooms where The View, CNN and Oprah fill the atmosphere religiously. Well, I think there are more non conventionalists in this generation than in any other. Maybe I am wrong but doesn't it seem as thought you see self expression ramp id in shopping malls as well as grocery stores. Does anyone else notice the ironic society that is becoming America? I don't know. There are still the stereotypes. I, on the other hand, see no need or obligation to conformitive thinking or expression. Today I had a long talk with one of my close friends. He made me think and pull back inside myself and really examine the particles of which compile my day to day motivations and urges. Th particles, I found, weren't like anything I had ever seen before. I saw them not as pre-determined or destined, but free and blank. They were just waiting for me to tell them what to do. I found out that I could change their coarse, direction, form, size, quantity and anything else. These particles were my emotions.
Something interesting about emotions is this: they are chemical. They are just as influential, if not more in most cases, as alcohol and drugs. The cells in your body have loading docks built into them so they can receive these chemicals. Just like your body soaks up drugs and alcohol into every cell, so it does your emotions as well. Just as you can get addicted to certain chemical compounds found in drugs, so you can also get addicted to emotions. I realized today as I was examining my emotions, quite harshly I might add, that I was addicted to a certain emotion or cocktail of emotions. I call this deadly concoction The Roller Coaster. I realized today that I look for any and every opportunity to drag my own face in the dirt and then find something to bring me back up into euphoria. If the roller coaster stops, I feel nervous and itching. This has been a problem and was becoming worse as days went on. I decided today that I am going to get detoxify my toxic mind and come out on the other side with a cleaner, fresher perspective. Isn't it funny how life unfolds sometimes?
Anyway... before I went on a rant I was going to show you guys and girls my new favorite song. It is classical. It is amazing.

Hostel II Review

I love me some Eli Roth and I love me some Quentin Tarantino. If it wasn't for the fact that he's so damn gumpy I would have his babies. His last film was amazing. I can't remember if Grinhouse came out before or after Hostel II, but both were amazing. Today I watched both Hostel and the sequel. Both produced and directed by Eli thought I think Q co-directed. I'm not positive. I must say that the first film didn't carry that Quentinessence as much as the second film did. I am not even sure how much he input into this film. Though now that I think about it, it is kind of funny that he sneaked in Pulp Fiction in the background. I didn't even realize that until just this moment. At any rate, I loved Hostel two because Quentin's style really showed through more. I mean, you had the strange contrast of emotion, the creepy ironies, and the sick and twisted humor. The thing about it is that I never even expected the ending, which is what I have come to love about this guy's work. You can never even fathom a Tarantino ending until it bites a chunk right out of your ass, which by this time is hanging off the end of your seat.
If you have not seen the ending I won't ruin it for you. Wait. That's not my nature. If you haven't see the movie, then shame on you deserve to be spoiled. Here is what happens. Girl finds herself the victim to monsters who want to torture her and kill her. She happens to have a client who is walking the fence about his decision to get caught up in such a twisted secret club. He goes back and forth between not wanting to take part in the slashing to treating this girl the way he would want to treat his evil unappreciative wife back home. She toys with his mind until he releases her, puts her on the floor and just about as he goes to take advantage of her, she head bangs him right in the face. She busts out the surveillance camera and ties him to the chair. She ask for the code to the keypad lock on the metal door. She asks him again and when he doesn't answer she shoves a needle in his ear. She puts in something which appears to be false. "It didn't work!" she says. "The door is opening". And with that men barge in and she, pouncing down from a ladder behind them that she so cleverly had time to climb and plan a sneak ambush, nails the man in the head with a brick or something. She screams "Sasha!". The leader of this pain palace comes marching in to find himself in a room with a girl pointing a gun at his face with her other hand holding a pair of scissors to her client's penis surrounded by guards with handguns. "I want to buy myself out of here" she says. They argue for a moment about where she will get the money and if she could even afford it. Then they finally agree, however with a slight twist. Nobody can leave this place unless they kill someone. Those are the terms of these contracts between the clients and the house of pain. She snips of her once to be killer's genitals and rips it off. "Let him bleed to death". She stomps out of the room and the next frame you see her getting the secret club's emblem tattooed on her back. How scandalous!! I know there must be a sequel, otherwise I will be pissed beyond all belief.
If you want to see this favorite scene of mine, click here. It is something you will surely appreciate.
I found it on youtube also. It has some stupid text at the beginning, sorry. But if you are impatient, here you go...


Did you think I would leave you hanging like that for real? Aw, how cute! I also tracked down some interviews and reviews and what not. As Missywould say:ENJOY!!!


WEll! I guess there goes my hopes for a trilogy. Damn you Roth!!

Finally! A Real Politition.

Ok. So I normally don't trust any politician, especially a republican. Every time I have myself against a wall some special person stands out among the heathens and convinces me that it is ok to walk away from my wall, if only with them. That person is Ron Paul. I have not studied up on many other politicians running for presidency in 2008, mainly because they are all faker than margarine. You can buy cheap sticks of pre-measured margarine at any store. Sure, they all have slight differences. Maybe some even taste better than the others, but they are still fake and they all mimic the real thing: butter. Dr. Paul is homemade butter. His passion is remarkably churning compared to the stagnancy of Hilary Clinton. I could go on and on, but I feel a picture is worth a billion words. Here are some video clips of my new favorite guy in the whole world.


If you have not registered to vote for 2008, please don't let this once in a lifetime opportunity to pass us by. Ron Paul is the most genuine man I have ever seen in politics.

Please visit Ron Paul 2008 Dot Com
If you believe in this man as much as I do, get involved, spread the word, start the conversation.

Human Flaws

We all get sick from time to time. The ironic thing is that we never expect to fall ill. I never ever get sick. I guess my body is just telling me that I have dis ease about something. My psychology is all screwed up right now. I need to get this taken care of. I have a philosophy about disease. If you break up the stems of the word you get dis ease. Which means a body, mind, and spirit which is not at ease with itself. One of those three elements cannot bear the whole burden of stress, so when your mind is overwhelmed, your body has to take some of the load. Think about it. When you feel immense pain, you don't care if someone hurt you in the past or that the teller at the bank was rude the day before, you just want to get rid of the pain at hand. I think that is our systems way of relieving some areas of the self when we are too stupid to realize we are damaging our balance. The same goes for the mind taking the workload off the body. I personally laugh hysterically when I feel sudden unexpected pain. When I hit my head or something bites me, I laugh. Endorphins are at the heart of this quirkiness. The mind produces endorphins to counteract the pain.
So, see when we fall sick it is most likely because there is an imbalance in our system. Luckily for me I already know where the imbalance is. It is in two places. One is my mind. It is all screwed up. I am worried about everything under the sun and it feels like time is running out. That is an issue that may have plausible concerns, but most likely can be fixed if I take some initiative and become more proactive. The other is my body. I have not been drinking any water and I have been going out running, literally, errands for three days. I am wearing myself out and I am not taking care of myself the way I need to. So now I see this pandemonium forming, this vicious cycle of balancing. My mind is stressed and it is causing my body to take the burden off my mind. My body is stressed and my mind is trying to take the burden off my body. The good thing about this is that when the mind take the burden something happens that is kind of a miracle of sorts. Endorphins are created to make one feel better. So,in this specific case, my body is taking the burden for my mind, and my mind is taking the burden off my body. So in all actuality my mind is taking the burden of itself. Maybe my theory is wrong, but it makes sense to me.

*photo via wayodd.com

Halloween Costumes!

Halloween is my favorite time of year. I don't particularly love candy all that much, but it is the dressing up that gets me all worked up. It is the time of year when you can literally be anything you want to be. I have been racking my Brain trying to find a costume.I think I found the perfect website to helping me find a wicked cool costume. Last year I was Medusa. Now, this year since I have a hot body to show off I might go with something more sexy and boyish. But if I ever decided to go as a girl again I would definitely wear this...

This is the cutest costume I have ever seen in my life. It is innovative and fresh and my favorite: colorful. But, I do need a boy costume. I was looking through this site,costumecauldron.com and found the perfect costume.

Wouldn't that look funny with me walking around in Los Angeles on Halloween night in a giant alien costume? Haha. I think that is exactly what I am going to do. It will be nothing less than amazing.

If you are still looking for a Halloween costume, go to Costume Cauldron Dot Com and pick one out!

Photoshoot/ Website

Today I had one thing and one thing only on my mind: photo shoot! Today the photographer came by and we took some pictures. Twink boy didn't leave and stayed the night again. His friend never came and got him last night, so twinky boy stayed with me until this morning. And by morning of course, I mean one o'clock in the afternoon. I never sleep in that fucking late. I have no clue why I did this morning. For heaven's sake that is really fucking late to sleep in!! Anywho, I woke up and got in the shower. After I took a shower, I told my friend to find a ride home because I had a ton to do today. So, his friend came and got him. I said goodbye and came back in and got to work!
I first straightened my hair. I think I need a haircut, I don't know. What do you think? I will put a poll up. Anyway, so I noticed that my hair is not working the way it needs to. I did that, cleaned up my room, and had some brunch.
The photographer called and said he was almost here, I gave him directions and he showed up. We set up in my bedroom, which to say the least was a bit cramped with my bed, nightstand, lights, photographer, his assistant and myself. But, we made it work. We had a lot of fun ad laughed pretty much the entire time.
I was kind of nervous because
A.)I had never done a photo shoot on my own off of a
porn set.
B.)I didn't know if the photographer had done xxx
photos before.
C.)I am a perfectionist and was nervous this
opportunity would be wasted because I couldn't be
or have everything just right.
Turns out I had nothing to be nervous about. I loved the photographer and his assistant. They were very nice and creative and open. They helped me pose. They helped me open up with every shot. The actual pictures turned out better than I could have hoped for. We got the candid style that I love and also the professional style that I have always admired. We took a ton of pictures. I felt like I was on America's Next Top Model...the XXX version. LOL

Now that the photo shoot is out of the way, I can get my site started. I am seriously about to burst from excitement. You all are going to love my new site. Fresh. Innovative. Sexy. Intriguing. Those are just some of the words I would use to describe my new site. You all are going to love it.
Well... it has been a long day. I love days like these where I can lay down and sleep feeling like I accomplished something. Goodnight!!

Why Do I...?

As I promised, a tasty story for you all.

This morning I woke up with a twink in my bed. By twink I mean the kind that look not a day older than twelve. Well, this one looks maybe fourteen, I'll give him that much.
So this all started yesterday when my friend pointed out this kid's rentboy profile. The reason he did this was because I thought this kid lived in San Diego, but turns out he lives here in Las Vegas. My friend always makes it a point to prove me wrong always.
so, I emailed this boy...
"Hey, this is Blair. We met down at the Blue Moon Resort a while back. We also saw you at San Diego Pride. I had no idea you lived in Vegas! Call me sometime we should hang out. By the way this isn't a proposition. I am not hiring you as an escort so get that off your head.LOL"

A little while after I sent that he did call me and wanted to hang out that instant. I was taken back by his aggressiveness. I told him maybe we could wait and see. Then, without warning he calls me up at 3:40 this morning wanting to come spend the night. At first I said absolutely not. I don't know this kid very well, and to be quite honest I wasn't interested in him as much in a sexual way as I was in purely friendship.
so, at first my instincts told me no, but then I remembered something. A principle that I have left laying in the dust in the name of logic and reason. The principle that says "Life is a Book- Make it a best seller". I had always acted in life as if I was writing a book about it. Then I stopped. I stopped because life had become more interesting and complicated than I cared to deal with at the time. Now I think I need to return to my old ways of thinking and let things happen.
So, I gave him directions. He strolled up here and came up. He didn't stop talking. He talked himself to sleep. He made me laugh and see another side of life I forgot existed: careless joy. I forgot what it meant to just do things because it seemed fun. Logic would have told me not to let some guy come over and sleep in my bed that I barely knew. But the way I saw him determined to see me was flattering and astonishing. I think I can learn a thing or two from him on how to get what you want. He knew he was coming over here. He made it happen somehow. He got what he wanted. I hope I can start being that way with life and just getting the things I want. You don't get what you don't ask for, right? right.

Vic B. BM. Any correlation? I think so.

Victoria Beckham might be the coolest fucking woman in the world. What isn't to love? She is beautiful, rich, famous and not to mention that glorious hunk of man attached to her arm, David Beckham, world famous soccer star. She is coming to America and she has a reality show to track every moment. I watched the first episode today and I felt like I was watching myself in a dress. What I mean by that is that Vic B and I share a few brain waves. That could just be me, but I get her bitchiness and find it quite hilarious. She is just misunderstood. Just like me. But in the end, it is all entertaining nonetheless.
Victoria Beckham Coming to America
Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

In Deep: An Update.

Ok, friends and foes alike. This is the point in time in which I disclose my life and what is going on. I rarely do this, but I think I have a few things to talk about that may give some insight and 'spice' into this stagnant blog.
First things first: plans... conniving, scheming plans! Just kidding. My plans for starting my website are as follows: get pictures taken, give them to my web designer, get the site up and going before the summer is over. Hopefully next week this rock will start rolling and stop collecting moss.
Second:work. Tomorrow I have an interview for a real job at Walgreen's. I am not getting this job for money, though it will help to have a little extra cash in my pocket. The reason I am getting this job is because to be quite honest, I am bored. I need some human interaction. Also, I need to get a car and saving up just seems like a never ending road. I can get a car loan if I have proof of income. People who approve loans don't get the concept of freelance. So, I have to get a regular day job to pacify the little cunts in the loan department.
I think that is pretty much life right now. The parts that I think are interesting and impersonal enough to throw in here...lol. Loves yous!!!

Candid Shamra

Ok. Still waiting on the exciting stuff to happen. In the meantime here is some candid nonsense to make you smile. Yippy ka yay!!!

This is a picture of my crazy ass hair. It is getting REALLY long and I am going to hold off o cutting it, because I am going to use it for Halloween. You will see... it will be fierce, child!!!

OMG!!! That video was so long ago... I can't believe what a freaking dork I was. Well... I haven't changed all that much... but I certainly don't dance like that anymore. EEK!! Please don't blackmail me!

Bored... For being a silly old sidekick™ it can take some pretty sexy pictures! Haha.

Bizzarro much?

Once again my trite little habits take me down a rabbit hole I never expected nor intended to go down. I am talking about another documentary.
This one is called "Rabbits". It is quite literally what I imagine could be a dream I once had. The characters are all dressed in rabbit suits and they speak nothing but absolute randomness. My mind is quite literally randomness and the only way to tell one thought from another is by noting the different sorts of suits or facades they render themselves in. At least that was my feeble attempt at rationalizing this horrific nightmare of a film. I had only heard brief little murmurings of the man who created this film, David Lynch, apparently has a reputation for himself as being the man who makes awfully creative and crazy films. I am definitely going to watch the other films he has done and finish this one. But, fair warning, this is not your typical film. It is more like a painting by Dali pent up in walls of modern media form: video. It makes no sense and really provokes involuntary analysis of every little detail. From the green strange walls to the eery lighting. To the quite random applause from an unseen audience in no relevance or correlation to the even more random sentences that spew from these rabbit's mouths. Watch and see. You might find yourself turning into a psychoanalytical viewer... involuntarily of course.
Here is the link to the film. Click Here.

Ecstacy: Dangerous or Enlightening?

I want to start off today with an apology for the lack of amusement in here. I promise, it is about to get exciting. Just wait and be patient!!

As you well know, I love watching documentaries. Las night I watched Ecstasy Rising. I had always wondered what exactly ecstasy was and its effects on the human mind. I had always wondered where and how it came to be.
I learned that ecstasy was the synthetic drug called methylenedioxymethamphetamine. It was first created by accident by German chemists working for the pharmaceutical company, Merck. Since they could find no usefulness for the chemical, they just left it alone.
A man by the name of Alexander Shulgin recovered the formula in a dusty old book and synthesized it after quitting his job at Dow Chemical to commit himself solely to the study of this new drug he called "window". He thought it would be very useful in psychotherapy. He introduced it to hundreds of therapists and at the time, this drug was not illegal. It soon leaked out of the psychiatric circles of the time and into the streets.
It spread throughout Dallas, Texas like wildfire. It didn't gain the worldwide popularity until the British rave parties spread over to the United States. With the spread of raves from coast to coast, ecstasy was unstoppable.
Some scientists thought that this had to be stopped. They formed a propaganda based on faulty experiments and lies. In turn, people learned not to trust their warnings. The majority of the scientific community has yet to find any harm in using reasonable amounts of ecstasy. That does not, however, lend one to believe that it is ok to abuse ecstasy carelessly. Scientists have no idea what the long term side effects of this drug are. when it comes to the point where people realize that there long term side effects to using MDMA, will anyone believe it? After all, the government does nothing but lie. That is very dangerous. When the boy cries wolf again and again and there is no wolf, who will believe when he cries wolf from inside the wolves mouth? Nobody!





What do you think? I have never taken this drug. I don't plan on it. But I know a lot of my friends who do. I personally believe that ecstasy should be legalized and only used in psychotherapy to reduce the risk of it and also use the benefits of it. Of course, I am not a scientist.

Bjork and Kelis. Together?

Here is a peek at the unreleased remix of Oceania by Bjork Featuring Kelis. I absolutely love this. I hope they make an official video together soon.

Enjoy!!!

Iterview on Slut Debutane Diaries...

Tomorrow night, go check out The Slut Debutane Diaries to read my very long, very in depth interview.

Blast from the Past

I love music from the 90's. I love mostly the folk-pop music of the 90's. I was listening to my ipod today and found some great stuff from the days of yesteryear.
Here are some of them...

Natalie Merchant has got to be one of my favorite singers from the 90's. She is simple yet profound. I love this song because I could sing it to so may different people in my life. I am a super bitch sometimes and there are some who have stuck by me no matter what kind of hell I put them through. This song reminds me of that.

Another amazing simple song. Shawn Colvin reminds me of what I could imagine Natalie from The Dixie Chicks would sound like if she went solo.

Why can't people seem to get this music scene back on track? I remember hearing this song by Paul Cole and getting very emotional. It is just very sweet sounding. Another cool song from her, Where Have All The Cowboys Gone is worthy of showing. here it is.

God, does that bring back so many memories.

Who doesn't love Jewel? If she had just stuck to her roots she could still be bringing us the great folk-pop that we, if we admit, really miss these days. Sad.

So,anyway. That is what I have for you today. Sorry it is so bland!! I assure you I will be posting more exciting things soon.

Trydamakemeegotuhrehab I said NO!

The now infamous lush anthem song,"Rehab" sung by Amy Winehouse seems to be now more than a catchy tune, but a very real and serious irony for Miss Winehouse. After an alleged drug overdose in London, Winhouse was rumored to be recovering in The Priory rehab clinic in London. However, these rumors were banished when news broke that she has locked herself i a London hotel room to recover from the overdose which took place at 1 am on Wednesday. She was treated with an adrenaline shot and had her stomach pumped. I seriously hope this girl gets the help she needs.

*image via: planetout.com*

Clearing up Past Issues...

A few weeks ago I went to San Diego to film for Shane's World. I am sure you all have heard all of the nasty things I had said about Caleb Carter. I just want to make it publicly known that the way I reacted wasn't the best. I recently had a chance to apologize to Caleb. I think we are on better terms now, which brings me to a sigh of relief.
The reason I bring this up is because I have learned so much from this. One: jumping on the bandwagon and ganging up on someone is only going to make you look like an idiot. Second: you never know the whole story even if you were there. Don't talk about a situation like you know every single tiny detail because the details will be revealed over time and you will wind up feeling like a dumb ass because you acted like you knew it all. Third: people are people. Bashing someone because of something unfortunate happening is kicking someone when they are already down. Fourth: life is too short. Have a heart and don't try to sabotage anyone. You will probably fail anyway.
I wish I had known all of this back when posting this would have been relevant.

*To Caleb Carter: thank you for being the bigger person and letting it go. I am not sure if I would have been man enough to do the same.

Eye Candy

I posted these candid pictures on my myspace blog a couple months ago. But since those were censored, I thought you might appreciate the real thing. Here you go!


Merry Fucking Christmas!!!

I want to change the world!

You know, sometimes in life an angel comes along and provokes hibernating inspirations that you gave up because of some reason or another. Tonight I came across one of those angels. Our new roommate is nothing less than an amazing person. He has been around the world, has gone to college, has experienced and learned so much. I want to go to school now. I knew there would come a time when I would feel the urge to get an education. I think it has finally come. Going to school in Michigan didn't really work out for me because I was not in the right frame of mind. I was still trying to learn survival first. I now realize that you don't look to education to become something, but rather to shape and cultivate what you already are. I know that I am a very smart human being. I was ever since I was a child. I would always get teasedfor getting A's, and gave up thinking I could fit in. I guess my mind is just now starting to come out of that silly phase. I want to go to school so badly, it almost hurts. So, now I have even more motivation to save up for a car, so that I can go to school. Don't worry! I will still keep up with my career, and will be even more motivated to put out amazing performances. I will just have to be very selective about my class schedule. YAY!!! I think this is what they call a Break Through.

The Power of Suggestion

The ever flowing river of thought never ceases to play out its natural instinct. It never stops flowing no matter how hard you push against the current. Have you ever experienced the power of suggestion at a time when you were trying to hide you feelings? Maybe when you were upset and thought you were fine until someone comes and asks you if you are ok. Suddenly bursting into tears you realize that maybe you were suppressing some thoughts. Suppression is completely withstandable until someone introduces suggestion to you. Maybe you don't really notice how fucking gorgeous a co-worker is until someone starts talking about them in a sexual light. Then you can't seem to get your mind or eyes off that person. You probably would have never thought or looked at them that way. But, because someone used the power of suggestion on you, now you are hooked.
I realized that today. I think I may be suppressing some of my sexual energy. Why? Maybe my sexuality is so strong, I feel I need to suppress it to function. I am a very addictive personality. I get easily addicted to people, substance, experiences, and sex. This is where fetishes come from. Just like a pot head has a certain variety of weed that is their favorite, or an alcoholic has their favorite kind of poison, everyone has certain type of flavors, shapes, and colors of sex. Mine are a bit kinky to say the least, and I think that may be why I am so hesitant to unleash myself. I fear people wouldn't like the same things I like. Well, that is all over.

Power of suggestion is most powerful because it doesn't force any idea on anyone, it lets the mind take care of the convincing. Someone gave me some very good advice today about so many subjects. They only used one tool: the power of suggestion. Let me say I am changing very rapidly these days. I mean literally, I have changed my world view, my political view, my social view, my interpersonal view, my professional view and just about any other kind of view you can imagine in the past week or so. That feels, quite literally like breaking out of a cocoon. Maybe like mulching. Maybe it feels like I had brain surgery and all the junk was taken out, clearing my mind to function and think the way it is intended to.
The power of suggestion. Use it on your enemies. It is the best tool in the world in convincing people of something without actually trying to convince them, but letting them convince themselves. Just plant the seed, their mind will cultivate it.

Hammered at the pool...

Today I acted like a true Las Vegas resident. I along with some friends went to the pool at Tropicana. It was fun. We first stopped at the grocery store and got some "juice". By juice I mean lush juice. By lush I mean me, by juice I mean vodka. It only took one little red party cup to set me straight for he whole blistering day. I am such a lightweight. Anyone who has ever seen me in person, do I look small? I don't know. I have lived in my body my whole life. My perception is a bit bias. Anyway, so I might be petite, maybe not. Either which way, I am a super lightweight. My friends know this. They also know that I am funny when I am drunk, and they always make my drinks extra strong. That is just cruel. Well, at first I love them, but right now I wish that my drink(1) was a tad bit weaker because I am spacing out and my head feels like a boulder. Yes a boulder. A boulder about to tumble down a hill. Oh God it hurts!!

That is the pool. As you can see there is no escape from the desert sun. Inevitably I got fried yet again. I haven't even gotten the chance to recover from being burnt in San Diego, and now I am a fried turkey again. Well, you won't be hearing me gobble. Except from the water faucet. Oh God! Me and the water faucet have some bonding to do. I will tell you some advice. Never get drunk and lay around under the sun all day and expect not to get dehydrated. What do you think I am? Yes, dehydrated. You win the $10 question, now go get me a fifth or rum! Just kidding. I want more vodka.
So, today was fun. I have to tell you guys!!! Two things. First: watch Good Morning America the next few days because Ben and Ethan are going to be on during National Underwear Day! Go to one or both of their blogs to get all the info. Brat Boy School and The Project BE are both o my blog list on the right hand side of the page.
The other thing is my site is finally in progress!! The reason I have been so happy the last few days is because I finally have some vision and focus about this thing. I will be giving you updates as time goes on. I am going to give you one hint about my idea every so often. If you can guess or even come close to what I have in mind, I will... I don't know... let you pick(within reason, people). First hint: half clothed.

Goodnight my little chitlins!!! BB Loves y'all!

The Boy Under The Mask...

I have to confess something that will probably ruin my fanbase...

what you see usually is me with my mask on. Now, these following images might shock you if you thought I was human... but I believe i being open and honest.

Here is me without my make-up.... AAHHH!!!!


Scary... I know


Today I watched this video "Earth Intruders" by Bjork. It was crazy. I think I would fit into that video very nicely without my make-up! Haha.

I See The Light!

We all go through slumps and get stuck in ruts. Well, I just came out of one. I do not know when it started exactly or what triggered it, but I can tell you it was not a pleasant time. Everyday I would get mad at the world and the people in my life for my unhappiness and things not going the way I think they should go. I am seriously feeling like a big jackass. If anyone ever said I was crazy, I guess yesterday would be pure evidence of it. I was paranoid and had conspiracy theories and called people names and had just a ton of hate inside of me. I feel like something just clicked in me today.
The other day I was talking with my friend in LA. Her and I always have deep conversations and she always has something I could try and open my mind a little more. I have been in a state of intoxication for the last two days. She told me that I should get drunk, run a super hot bath and sit there and don't move. Well, I did. I had crazy visions. One was that my guardian angel floated up, landed on the bathroom countertop(he was the size of a Borrower), ran into the medicine cabinet, curled up and hid inside. Then this beast came in the bathroom and scooped me up from the tub, threw me down the stairs, picked me back up and tossed me back into the bathtub. Then this blonde, gorgeous boy came and picked me up from the tub and loved me. He kissed me and loved me unconditionally. I am about to cry writing this... I know why I have been in a rut. I have nobody to love. My family isn't here, but more than that, I don't have a boy to love me. I want a man to love me the way a straight man would love his girl. I am weak. I am very weak and very vulnerable and I want, err, need someone to take care of me.
Anyway, today I broke away from the rut. As I told my girlfriend that lived in Los Angeles, art is my life. I need art to feel sane and happy and joyful. Today the most brilliant idea came to me for my website. I sketched it out, made detailed notes and I know exactly what I am going to do. I need to keep creating. I need to keep making art. That is what was lacking in my life. I am getting a cheap guitar whe I get paid and I am going to start making music again. It has been too long. Or someone who wants to make me happy would get me one. *wink wink*...lol
So, that is my life at this point: trying to stay busy and make a masterpiece of my life. Life is a book, and I am going to make it a best-seller.

You Don't Know Crazy...

You don't know crazy unless you know the people from the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. The church is run by Fred Phelps. He is old and doesn't have enough energy to spread "the message" out in the real world, so his daughter, Shirley Phelps-Roper leads the pack of crazies on weekly pickets and the "spreading ofthe gospel". In all actuality, they never mention anything about Jesus Christ in any of their protests or the signs they hold. Some including, "Fags eat poop","God hates America","Princess Diana: Fag Enabler", and many more irrational and quite random messages that have nothing to do with scripture or anything of the sorts to do with God.
The first time I heard about this insanity was on the Tyra Show. The episode was about hate crimes against various groups, mainly the GLBT community. Shirley along with her daughters sat on Tyra's couch and blatantly yelled at her. She tried to ask them simple questions about their faith and beliefs, trying to understand them as any normal person would, and they almost burst into flames because the anger was so violent and outlandish. That scared me. It didn't scare me to see anger, but it scared me to see what the human mind is capable of molding into. Brainwashing, something I am far too familiar with, is what happened to these people.
Unfortunately I could not find the video for that show, but there are plenty more to give you an idea of what these people think like...

If you noticed, Julie Bandera tried to point out a verse of the Bible to Shirley, but Shirley was positive that she was trying to point out another verse. In case you couldn't understand the verse because of Shirley's barking, here it is...
Leviticus 19:18 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)


18Thou shalt not avenge, nor bear any grudge against the children of thy people, but thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself: I am the LORD.

That would have been a sure slap in the face to Shirley and her followers, however, as you have seen, she doesn't listen. She just keep barking and bellowing like a damn pig giving birth. That is all she is. She is a dam sow giving birth to a fowl smelling, evil, rotten, feces infested hate message that only comes from one source: fear. Her father has so much control and fear instilled into his children that they cannot escape. It is sad, but people can think for themselves. If you are able to be brainwashed, then you are weak. I used to be very weak. I was once brainwashed. Thank God that is over and done with. Let's move on though...

The verse Shirley was so adamant about pointing out was this:

Leviticus 19:17 (King James Version)
King James Version (KJV)




17Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart: thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him.

If "thou shalt not hate thy neighbor..." is a blatant sign to picket funerals and make awful signs, then apparently they have justification for their actions. However, I do not believe, nor do I think anyone with a side of logic in their heads, that to not hate means to yell and scream and make people upset.

Moving on. I found another interview that was still unsuccessful. This bitch has a problem with listening. I wonder if she has ever read this...

Ezekiel 22:28
Her prophets whitewash these deeds for them by false visions and lying divinations. They say, 'This is what the Sovereign LORD says'-when the LORD has not spoken.


Here is the other video interview...


If she had, maybe she and her followers would have some sort of conviction for what they are doing. Granted, maybe homosexuality is frowned upon by many religious people today, but shouting and protesting is not the way to make us change our ways. What you resist persists. Mother Theresa never went to one protest in her life. She was a holy saint. Why is it she never fought against sin in the world? She knew that what you resist persists. The Westboro Baptist Church should really take a cue from her. Of course, it would go against their beliefs that along with Jews, Swedes, Princess Diana, Homosexuals, and Bill O'Reilley, Catholics are hell-bound sinners as well.

If you would like to watch a very good documentary on this cult as it is, ClickHere. I do not recommend watching it before going to bed. It is quite mind numbing and baffling. At any rate, it gives good insight and should be a well headed warning not to let yourself be brainwashed... ever.... by anyone.

Click Here to see Fred Phelps’s website

Email the bastard

I usually do not support retaliation, but please feel free to drop them a little note about how you feel. Someday I am going to Kansas with some of my friends and we are going to show them how the world appreciates their "love". But first, I have bigger fish to fry. Stay tuned.