I See The Light!

We all go through slumps and get stuck in ruts. Well, I just came out of one. I do not know when it started exactly or what triggered it, but I can tell you it was not a pleasant time. Everyday I would get mad at the world and the people in my life for my unhappiness and things not going the way I think they should go. I am seriously feeling like a big jackass. If anyone ever said I was crazy, I guess yesterday would be pure evidence of it. I was paranoid and had conspiracy theories and called people names and had just a ton of hate inside of me. I feel like something just clicked in me today.
The other day I was talking with my friend in LA. Her and I always have deep conversations and she always has something I could try and open my mind a little more. I have been in a state of intoxication for the last two days. She told me that I should get drunk, run a super hot bath and sit there and don't move. Well, I did. I had crazy visions. One was that my guardian angel floated up, landed on the bathroom countertop(he was the size of a Borrower), ran into the medicine cabinet, curled up and hid inside. Then this beast came in the bathroom and scooped me up from the tub, threw me down the stairs, picked me back up and tossed me back into the bathtub. Then this blonde, gorgeous boy came and picked me up from the tub and loved me. He kissed me and loved me unconditionally. I am about to cry writing this... I know why I have been in a rut. I have nobody to love. My family isn't here, but more than that, I don't have a boy to love me. I want a man to love me the way a straight man would love his girl. I am weak. I am very weak and very vulnerable and I want, err, need someone to take care of me.
Anyway, today I broke away from the rut. As I told my girlfriend that lived in Los Angeles, art is my life. I need art to feel sane and happy and joyful. Today the most brilliant idea came to me for my website. I sketched it out, made detailed notes and I know exactly what I am going to do. I need to keep creating. I need to keep making art. That is what was lacking in my life. I am getting a cheap guitar whe I get paid and I am going to start making music again. It has been too long. Or someone who wants to make me happy would get me one. *wink wink*...lol
So, that is my life at this point: trying to stay busy and make a masterpiece of my life. Life is a book, and I am going to make it a best-seller.